A must-read for competent parents
1. The roles and responsibilities of parents
Every parent, when a child is born, has high expectations for his child. However, often parents want to have a well-behaved and intelligent child, but neglect to ask themselves how to be a good father or mother.
In today's society, it is customary to place the responsibility of parenting children on women, and when the children have problems, it is too late to blame each other. Therefore, parents should have the following understanding of their role:
Fathers and mothers are just as important in the upbringing of their children. Even if parents are busy at work, they should set aside time to accompany their children and teach them. Parents should care about understanding their children's physical and mental development and establish a consistent attitude towards discipline. In the process of disciplining their children, parents should first reach a consensus and work together to find a suitable way of discipline for their children. Pay attention to the teaching of parents themselves. What parents do, children learn.
Second, capable love
Do you think that after spending a lot of effort to teach and love your child, he still feels that you don't love him enough, and even the relationship between them is tense? The answer is: love is to be capable. What is capable love?
The process of parent-child communication should have a warm and peaceful feeling, and if it causes a stalemate or unpleasantness between each other, it is incapable love. To correct the child, to be able to trigger the growth of his mind, if it is only blind demand and blame, it is powerless love. Recognize the child's ability to help him out of his own way, if everything requires him to compare with others, it will only increase his frustration. Parents love their children, but love must be capable, in order to help children grow, let him feel your love.
3. Get to know children
When your child is young, you must be concerned about whether he should teeth, walk, and talk. Now that your child is in school, you are starting to care about whether his development can keep up with others. In fact, every child is not exactly the same, just like some people can walk in ten months, and some people are slow to one and a half years old. As long as he seems healthy and normal, he doesn't have to worry too much about the difference between the first and second levels. The following are the general characteristics of child development in the primary school stage, providing you with reference:
●Lower grades
1. Slow and stable growth.
2. Girls are precocious than boys.
3. Susceptible to infectious diseases.
4. In order to vent excess energy, there are few moments of stationaryness.
5. Love racing, high jumping, jumping rope, making models, player house wine.
6. Will curiously ask many questions for answers from parents or teachers.
7. Short-lived attention span, fidgeting for long-term activities that require attention.
8. Love painting and color, can play or work alone.
9. From playing with the children in the neighboring seats, it has developed into a small group play.
10. Fear often arises because of its imagination.
11. Care about winning the attention and love of adults, and show jealousy. 12. The method of discerning right from wrong from the attitude, language, or expression of an adult, to think that what is praised is right, and what is blamed is wrong.
●Middle grade
1. Good health and love energy-consuming activities.
2. Always keep dynamic situations, running, jumping, chasing.
3. Longer attention span and longer working hours.
4. Strengthen the ability to learn from experience.
5. Love organized games and engage in competitive activities.
6. Begin to form same-sex peers (love to be with classmates and friends of the same sex) to show acceptance by the group.
7. Have a critical attitude towards adults due to the development of self-evaluation ability.
8. Differences of interest between boys and girls.
9. Think that you have grown, and show an adult posture in your words and deeds.
10. Be quite sensitive to criticism or ridicule from others.
11. Like to please teachers through helpful behavior or self-achievement.
12. Have a personal opinion on the interpretation of good and evil, no longer entirely according to adult statements and standards.
● Seniors
1. Slow growth may occur before rapid growth.
2. Due to the development of the body and the increase in the amount of exercise, appetite and meal volume increase, may exceed that of adults.
3. Individual individual development varies significantly, and some children have precocious puberty.
4. Girls generally enter puberty earlier than boys.
5. Susceptible to small diseases and easy fatigue.
6. Demonstrate a more mature and diverse interest.
7. Boys love organized games.
8. The norms of peers begin to become important, depending on peers (dependence on peers, sense of belonging).
9. It is common to feel the unfairness of adults.
10. Boys and girls often tease and laugh at each other.
11. Difficulties in adapting to conflicts with adults due to words and deeds.
12. Love fantasies are biased.
13. Standing law attracts public attention.
14. After becoming interested in the actual society, pay attention to details, due to limited knowledge, often use emotions and prejudices to judge things.
Fourth, the principle of discipline
The discipline style should be adjusted according to the child's development and needs, and cannot be set in stone. How do you discipline your child properly?
1, love as the starting point: let children understand, even if they punish them, but also love them.
2. Clear norms: set children's behavior standards, and effectively implement them, with a gentle attitude.
3. Constructive: Point out your child's mistakes and teach him the right practices.
4, effective reward and punishment: more encouragement, less punishment, before each reward and punishment, must let the child understand the original commission, in order to strengthen the correct behavior.
5, immediate correction: the child did something wrong, immediately explain the correction, the matter moved and turned over the old account, the effect is greatly reduced.
6, avoid emotional: discuss things, do not borrow the topic to play, lose your temper.
7. Consistent discipline attitude: Let the child follow the behavior standards that can help the child establish themselves as soon as possible.
8. Equal emphasis on spiritual substances: Do not meet the material needs of children without restrictions, and should gradually replace them with spiritual encouragement.
9, lead by example: everything that children learn from their parents' teachings is the most natural and effortless.
Fifth, parent-child communication skills
Many parents wonder why they communicate with their children every day and the parent-child relationship is still not good?
According to research, the influence you have on someone else is 7% in terms of wording, 38% on tone, and 55% on body language (expressions, movements, postures, etc.). That is to say, if you say one thing to your child, the tone of voice and body language affect the communication effect, so sometimes a sincere smile, touching the head, patting the shoulder, or even a warm hug is already worth a thousand words.
●Good communication conditions are:
(1) Look at each other with caring eyes.
(2) Smile and listen attentively.
(3) Nod your head in acknowledgement of acceptance.
(4) Ask some questions to enhance understanding.
● Communication skills:
(1) When expressing opinions, it is not the right thing to be the right person.
(b) Describe only the specific visible behavior.
(iii) Speak up about your feelings, not blame the child.
(4) Grasp the appropriate timing.
(5) Discuss with your child and find a suitable solution.
Sixth, cultivate a grateful heart
Think about it, when a child takes a bowl of rice from your hand, will he say thank you? Is he truly grateful when he receives help or gifts from others? Only by knowing gratitude can we know blessings and cherish blessings.
The most common mistake for school-age children is that they do not know how to think for others, and everything is self-centered. Living in a rich environment, it is natural to want something and get something, and if you don't get it, you will be unreasonable
Parents should pay special attention to teaching children to read diligently, be polite, and keep order, but also to cultivate their grateful hearts, because people who know how to be grateful know how to love, and children who grow up in love must be healthy and happy.
Here are a few tips for developing gratitude:
1. Parents lead by example: a demonstration of gratitude and mutual assistance. For example, I often say 'please', 'thank you', and filial piety to my parents.
2. Do more services: Recognize the importance of giving back to others by guiding children to do housework and parents to participate in community volunteer services.
3. Gratitude talk: When using family reunions and birthday celebrations, say the person or thing that the individual is most grateful for and interact with each other.
4. Teaching to give is more blessed than receiving: you can give toys and clothes that do not need to be used to those who need them or give them to those who are happy to donate.
5. Practical actions: Visit kindergartens, correctional homes, nursing homes, etc., to reflect their happiness.
Praise — Say more good things
Good words have an encouraging effect, everyone likes to listen to good words, good words can affirm the child's efforts, and motivate him to continue to work hard, can cultivate self-esteem, self-confidence personality.
When saying good things, we must grasp the timing, praise the child's strengths, and do not exaggerate. Let's grasp the following points!
1, praise the specific behavior: "Xiaoming, you have arranged the room well, I appreciate it." Vague and general statements, such as "you are well-behaved" and "you are beautiful", are meaningless.
2, do not skimp on praise: if there is good behavior, give praise in real time.
3. Sincerity: Let the child feel that your praise for him is from the heart, and feel interested in what he has done. Exaggerated, unrealistic praise is not necessary.
Here are a few examples:
"You're making great progress on this exam!"
"It's nice to do that!"
"I'm so happy for you that you can pick up gold!"
"Child, you can automatically take care of your sister, I love you so much!"
Praise is the lubricant of parent-child relationship, the driving force of family harmony, and the strong agent of children's self-growth and self-affirmation.
In addition to praising good behavior, you should encourage a child who has done his best but behaves mediocrely to express your acceptance and love for him. Please affirm your child's efforts and progress, regardless of failure or success, and encourage him more.
Build your child's confidence
Confidence is the driving force of action, and confident people are positive and optimistic, and it is easy to succeed. As a parent, how do you build your child's confidence?
Affirmation: When a child exhibits appropriate behavior, give affirmations, such as "You're right to do this," to build confidence from being affirmed.
Praise: Always give your child sincere praise and encouragement to make him feel fulfilled.
Face setbacks: Teach your child how to review, improve, and learn from your mistakes, and tell him that it's okay if you fail, and have the courage to stand up again.
Successful experience: Start with small things, give tasks, and let children get a sense of accomplishment from doing housework, serving others or academic progress.
Don't compare your child to others
Each child has individual differences, don't compare him to another child, even brothers and sisters to avoid.
Take a look at the experts' analysis:
(i) Children who are often compared to inferior people often behave:
Loss of confidence, degeneration or illusion, hatred or hostility, fear of abandonment, attack on the shortcomings of others, unscrupulous means to win, etc.
(2) Children who are often compared to be stronger than others will show: fear of regressing anxiety, fear of losing the friendship of brothers and sisters, stress caused by the pursuit of perfection in everything, arrogance or unsociable behavior.
Therefore, the positive approach is:
(1) Discover and affirm the child's advantages.
(2) Encourage children to appreciate the advantages of others, but do not criticize him by borrowing the advantages of others.
(3) Encourage children to compare themselves with themselves and make progress.
(4) Let the child realize that the parents truly love him.
Children have advantages and unique abilities, parents should find more of his advantages, encourage him to grow and learn, rather than blindly comparing with others, to help him out of a bright life.
10. Improper conduct in governance
In the process of growing up, it is inevitable that mistakes will be made, and parents must play the role of correctors in a timely manner, teaching him to reflect and correct in order to establish correct behavior. Children should be praised for good behavior; in contrast, misconduct needs to be corrected in real time. Try this:
Real-time correction: "Ah Xiong, you can't grab your brother's toys." ”
Guide the correct behavior: "Ah Xiong, you would love to play with your brother, don't you?" Take out your robot model and play with him! ”
Pay attention to fairness: Refers to the right and wrong of behavior as the criterion, not age. For example, ignoring fairness and just blindly asking the brother to let the younger brother will make the brother unconvinced and the younger brother unreasonable.
Be firm: Let the child know that his mistakes are not accommodating, but with a gentle tone and without interrogating like a prisoner.
Continuous Enhancement: Keep an eye on the continuity of your child's correct behavior and give praise and encouragement at the right time.
11. The duties of parents from a legal point of view
Fatherly kindness and filial piety are a matter of course, and there are also clear provisions in the law regulating the rights and obligations of parents. When the parents' actions are legally found to be negligent, they are not only deprived of parental authority, but also, in serious cases, criminally responsible.
(1) Parents' responsibility for the protection and upbringing of their children
Article 1084 of the Civil Law of the People's Republic of China stipulates that parents have the right and obligation to protect and raise minor children, and minors refer to children under the age of 20.
(2) Consequences of abuse of parental power
Article 1090 of the Civil Code stipulates that when a parent abuses his rights over his or her children, his nearest respected relative or a meeting of relatives may correct it, and when the correction is invalid, he may request the court to declare the cessation of all or part of his rights.
Paragraph 1 of Article 40 of the Child Welfare Law stipulates that if parents, adoptive parents or guardians neglect to protect or take care of a child in serious circumstances, or have committed acts in Article 15, Paragraph 1 or Article 26, the child's most recent respected relatives, competent authorities, child welfare institutions or other interested parties may request the court to declare the cessation of their parental rights or guardianship and to appoint a guardian. In the case of adoptive parents, the court may be petitioned to declare the termination of their adoption.
Depriving or obstructing a child's access to national education or illegally transferring a child to study abroad shall be fined NT$10,000 but not more than 120,000 yuan and his name shall be announced. (Article 26, Paragraph 7, Child Welfare Law, And Article 44, Paragraph 2)
(3) Everyone has the responsibility to protect children
Children are the eternal treasures in the hearts of parents, and the government attaches great importance to the importance of child protection, and amended and promulgated the Child Welfare Law on February 5, 1982. According to Article 26 of the Child Welfare Law, no one shall engage in the following acts with respect to children:
abandon.
Physical and mental abuse.
Using children to engage in activities that are harmful to health, dangerous or deceptive.
Children with disabilities or deformities are used for human visits.
Use children to beg.
Provide children with viewing, reading, hearing or using films, videotapes, photographs, publications, utensils or facilities that are physically or mentally disturbing.
Deprive or obstruct children's access to national education or illegally transfer children to school abroad.
Forced marriage of children.
Abduction, abduction, sale, sale, pledge of children, or acts of child-security.
Coercing, inducing, accommodating, tolerating or mediating children for indecent acts or adultery.
Supply of children with poisons, drugs, narcotics, knives, guns, ammunition or other dangerous goods.
Use children to make videos or pictures of indecent or violent acts.
Leading or inducing children into places that interfere with their physical and mental health.
Other crimes or improper acts against or use of children.
Perpetrators of crimes committed against children are sentenced to one-half of the sentence. (Paragraph 1 of Article 43 of the Child Welfare Law) When a parent or guardian commits the above abuse of children, anyone has the right to report it, and I hope that you can become the guardian spirit of the child and jointly contribute to the protection of children.
(4) Pay attention to the seriousness of the spread of cigarettes and drugs, and prohibit children from touching them
The harm of smoking to the human body is unquestionable, taking the respiratory system as an example, smokers are prone to colds, exercise, activity is more likely to be breathless, and the probability of lung cancer and emphysema in the future is naturally more. Parents should lead by example and avoid smoking to prevent their children from being harmed by second-hand smoke and instruct their children not to smoke. (See Articles 11 to 14 of the Smoke Pollution Prevention and Control Act)
12. A few mistakes that parents are prone to make
Here are a few mistakes that parents make when raising their children, and parents must not be unaware:
Scold the child with harsh and humiliating words. Example: "You always do this" "You can't be saved!" ”
Ignore the reasons behind the behavior and force the child to promise not to dare next time.
Nag the child endlessly, just preach, do not listen to the child's voice.
Establish norms that are not appropriate for your child's abilities.
Argue and fight in front of your children.
Say dirty things in front of your children and say bad things about others.
Lack of patience, focusing only on the results and ignoring the process.
Promises to children cannot be fulfilled.
Teach your children not to do it, but take the lead in doing it yourself. Examples: smoking, drinking, gambling, drug use, eating betel nuts, lazy life, messy home, addicted to video games and television.
Ask your children to do it, but don't do it yourself. Examples: reading, exercising, going to bed early and getting up early.
13. When a child makes a mistake, can the parents punish it?
In the process of growing up, children will inevitably have deviations, such as inappropriate punishment, it is difficult to achieve the purpose of discipline, so the law recognizes that parents have the right to discipline. Article 1085 of the Civil Law of the People's Republic of China stipulates: "Parents may discipline their children within the necessary limits." Discipline is the infliction of physical or mental suffering on children to urge them to change their ways and do good. As for the extent of punishment, it cannot be exceeded. Excessive punishment, such as the use of cruel and harsh means to punish children, causing bodily harm to children, endangering lives, and generating fear, is an abuse of parental power, and the recently respected relatives, competent authorities, child welfare institutions or other interested parties can declare a declaration of suspension of parental rights to the court, and may constitute the crime of injury (article 277 of the Criminal Law), the crime of unlawful detention (article 302 of the Criminal Law), the crime of rape and coercion (article 304 of the Criminal Law), the crime of intimidation (article 305), and shall bear criminal responsibility.
Principles for parents to punish their children:
1, the right thing is not right, let the child know clearly what he did wrong to be punished, and tell him the right behavior.
2. Choose the appropriate punishment method to improve the effectiveness of the teaching.
3. Punish the child with caution, do not cause physical and mental harm, and do not punish the child when angry.
4. Punishment of children should not take the form of killing chickens and monkeys, retaliation, turning over old accounts, and sitting together (one person makes a mistake, and the other person is punished jointly).
5. Do not punish children in public.
6. After punishment, appease the child and tell the child that the parents really love him and hope that he can learn well.
7, when the child can change, should be immediately praised.
8, there is a love of punishment is meaningful.
14. How to take care of children in a marriage crisis
Parents sometimes face marital crises due to emotional discord, often quarreling or separating, divorcing. If this is the case, be aware of the child's embarrassment and try to avoid the following:
1. Avoid neglecting to take care of children or excessive possession due to dissatisfaction with marriage.
2. Do not quarrel in front of the child, and provoke the child to be guilty and innocent.
3. Don't criticize the other party in front of your child.
4. Explain to the child the reasons for the parental discord, but on the premise of not destroying each other's image.
5, let the child understand that although the parents are out of harmony, their love for him remains unchanged.
6. The issue of guardianship and upbringing of children in the future should be considered under the most favorable conditions for children.
7. Do not take your child away in a negative way, or hide it, and deprive your child of the right to go to school. Don't let your child fall prey to parental arguments.
8. When both parents choose to divorce, try not to deprive each other of their visitation rights, so that children can still have the love and care of their parents.
In fact, the family can be operated and needs to pay. Both husband and wife do not have to be single parents, and in the shadow of marital discord, children will be the most innocent victims.
15. The upbringing of children of single-parent families;
Single-parent families have a growing trend in modern society, single parents are a last resort, and you need some auxiliary handling skills for children:
1, psychological construction: give the child a sense of security, so that he can accept the fact of single parenting. But overcompensation, coddling, indulgence, is inappropriate.
2, explain the reason for becoming a single parent: explain to him in a way that the child can understand, do not let the child think that this is his fault, he is responsible.
3, enhance interpersonal communication: parents (mothers) should be open-minded, more contact with the outside world, in addition to maintaining contact with friends and relatives on weekdays, you can also participate in similar single parent growth groups.
4, more care for children: to give children love and care, in addition to the satisfaction of material life, we should also pay attention to the needs of children's psychological level.
5. Keep in touch with the teacher: Let the teacher understand the situation of single parents, so as to cooperate with the implementation of life counseling in the school.
16. How to teach an only child (daughter).
The number of children in modern families is decreasing, and the number of families with only one precious son (daughter) is increasing. However, only children are easy to spoil and habitual, and the interpersonal experience of siblings is relatively insufficient, so there are often insecurities, dependence, self-centeredness, willfulness and lack of humility. These are not inadmissible and are hereby suggested below:
1. If the environment allows, you can keep a small pet with your child, so that he can learn love and care during the breeding process.
2. Let your children participate in housework.
3. Avoid overprotective and lose many opportunities for learning and growth.
4. Allow your child's friends to come to the house (with the consent of the other parent).
5. Often take him on trips with the children of friends and family to increase the chances of coexistence with others.
6. Parents must first have a sense of security in order to cultivate their children's sense of security.
17. Aspects of intergenerational upbringing
Many families are unable to take care of their children personally because of their parents' work, and they want to entrust their grandparents with the care of their children. But before making such a decision, parents should carefully consider whether the following conditions can be cooperated.
1. Grandparents are willing to take care of them.
2) Grandparents don't spoil their children.
3, grandparents can give children enough cultural stimulation.
4, grandparents' physical strength can be affordable.
5. Grandparents' discipline is appropriate.
If the above conditions can be combined, after the parents and grandparents have reached a consensus, the children can be raised by the grandparents, so as not to cause problems in the future growth of the children, or unpleasant generations. In the process of intergenerational parenting, parents must still pay attention to the following points:
1. The love of parents is still irreplaceable by others, and children should pay more attention to care.
2. Take more time to spend with your child and participate in his or her activities.
3. Communicate with grandparents about the method of disciplining their children.
4. Maintain good and close contact with the child's teacher.
5. Provide correct parenting information to grandparents.
6. Grandparents who fail to assist the child in their homework are entrusted with the help of others (such as an intimate class or other relatives).