Among all sentient beings, I am probably the "incompetent" mother among the many mothers.
As a mother, I will do my best to provide and create good conditions and foundations for my daughter, but I seem to be reluctant to make some of the "great sacrifices" that people often call "great sacrifices".
I can work hard to earn money to buy a house and a car for her, but I don't want to get up early on my day off to make a love breakfast for her.
Although she is the most important person in my life, the sweetest bite of watermelon, I will also want to secretly leave it for myself.
I have to admit that the arrival of the child made me feel a happiness that I had never felt before, and she made my life more full and richer.
But there are many components of life, love, friendship, and family affection. There's even that feeling you have for the world, for yourself.
Parent-child, on the other hand, is only part of it.
I rarely slept with babies, and I rarely even talked to people around me, and I didn't indulge in the role of my mother at all. This seems a bit against the nature of maternal love.
But I've always felt that I can only be a good mom if I do myself first.
The first criterion for a good mother is "happiness." (Because I have a happy family of origin, I also understand the positive emotions of my parents and are a source of security in my child's childhood and even throughout life.) )
I want to be only 30% moms and the rest 70%, and I want to give more people and things in the world who deserve love.
Only when I absorb happiness elsewhere can I have enough love to feed my child, and this virtuous circle of transmission, I believe, is also what the child needs.
I'll share my favorite "junk food" with her; I'll drag her to sleep with me; I'll experience the whimsy of her whimsical behavior; I'll take her to do a lot of things that adults think are crazy; I'll sneak out on holidays for a few days...
I never worry about what my child will eat, what he will do, how tall he will grow. She is my baby, but she is also just an ordinary child in the world, and it is good for us to live slowly together and grow up slowly.
I hope that in the future, when she talks to someone about her mother, she will say, "She's such a happy old lady." I think that's the best evaluation.
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