Wen | Zheng Sibo (Author of Fushu)
Relatives who can't talk about it, don't make it up.
After the Spring Festival, the topic of "going relatives" has aroused heated discussion.
Among them, the topic of "like you when a string of relatives chat awkwardly" has rushed to the hot search.
Under the video, netizens have left messages:
"When I was a child, I went to my relatives to ask about my grades, and when I grew up, I went to my relatives to ask about my income."
"At some point, relatives became more competitive and nosy."
"The circles are different, so why be strong?"
……
For young people, the most feared thing about the Spring Festival is probably to go to relatives.
According to a survey by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, more than 80% of young people only contact their parents and relatives once or twice, while 21.6% of them "basically do not move."
I once saw a hot topic on the Internet: "After the Spring Festival, the first thing you will do?" "
One of them was a highly praised answer: quit the group of relatives and friends.
Circles are different and do not have to be strong
There is an old saying: "Thrush sparrows have different voices, and golden chickens have different nests." ”
Obviously, people of two worlds, everyone pursues different pursuits, it is difficult to integrate into each other's circle.
Self-media author Aoyama shared his experience:
He grew up with several cousins. On weekdays, throughout the year, I don't talk on the phone once.
During the New Year's Festival, Qingshan would visit his cousins, but he rarely communicated, and the atmosphere was very awkward.
Over time, the relationship between the two sides seems to be gradually fading, and even each other's birthdays can only be learned from the cold WeChat circle of friends.
This year's Spring Festival, Qingshan took the initiative to ask his cousins to play mahjong and drink alcohol, so as to deepen the feelings between the two sides.
Just after pouring out mahjong, Aoyama had a dispute with his cousins because of the amount of money he bet.
When he proposed, play mahjong just play, don't play too big.
After listening to him, several cousins kept shouting:
"I actually play mahjong for a dollar!"
"It's a good New Year's Day, you can't play bigger."
"It's really stingy, it's better not to play."
Opinions disagree, and mahjong can't be played in the end.
At this time, in order to resolve the embarrassment of the party, Aoyama took out a bottle of aged red wine.
The cousins who coveted the cup offered to play guessing the dice, and when they lost, they finished a big cup.
Qingshan, who is accustomed to slowly tasting wine every day, never fights for wine, greedy cups, and the amount of wine is very general, and the result is that it fell down without drinking a few sips.
Cousins, looking at the drunken green mountains, felt very boring.
The party, in the end, is not happy and dispersed.
In life, relatives are an undeniable relationship, and going to relatives is our psychological need.
However, forcibly blending with relatives who can't talk to often wastes their time and energy, and even becomes thankless.
The famous scholar Chu Yin said: "Going to relatives, to put it bluntly, is to meet emotional value and social needs, but it needs to pay a larger cost." ”
To get along with relatives, in addition to considering the blood ties of both sides, we must also consider everyone's three views.
Obviously, they are different circles, and no matter how close the brothers are, they cannot offset the difference in cognition between the two sides.
The three views are different, and it is easy to waste lips and tongues.
Only with people who agree with the three views can you see a better scenery.
People who can't talk will only consume your kindness
Mr. Li Ka-shing, a famous entrepreneur, once said: "I always say a word, relatives are not necessarily close associates. ”
Whether a relative can become a trusted person depends not on the basis of blood, but on the cognition and three views of both sides.
My cousin and I couldn't talk whenever we got together.
When I offered to make tea and chat, he shouted that he would drink foreign wine and not get drunk.
When I bought a second-hand staircase house, he would sneer, "Such an old house, it's not very comfortable to live in." ”
When I attend a relative's banquet, I used to take the bus subway to the banquet, and he preferred to rent a Mercedes benz at a high price.
The relationship between the two of us can be described as: words do not throw in more than half a sentence.
Obviously, he is more decent and pursues a high quality of life; while I am forced by reality to enjoy the frugality of life.
In other words: each other's worldviews, outlooks on life, and values are all very different.
I tried to improve the relationship between the two parties, after all, from the blood relationship, this layer of kinship is not optional.
Once, when I learned that he wanted to buy a notebook, I introduced him to a friend who opened a computer, enjoyed a friendship discount, and paid on delivery.
When he received the notebook, he never paid, and told me: "Brother, I have been a little tight lately, please tell your friend about it, slow down for a few days." ”
As soon as he finished speaking, he sent a circle of friends: "Just changed a new car, there is time to play." ”
When looking for his theory, he first found reasons to prevaricate, and then said impatiently: "Everyone is brothers, so calculated." "In the end, I simply didn't reply.
At this time, I realized that he had been tricked.
In order not to make it difficult for my friends, I had to pay the money myself.
Between brothers, advancing money is a small matter, and it is uncomfortable to lose trust.
Obviously, I wanted to take the opportunity to close our brotherly relationship, but I didn't expect that the two of us had become strangers, but I caused a lot of trouble, and I was helpless.
People who can't talk, even if the blood relationship is good, the more good it is to him, it will only consume your sympathy.
In life, in getting along with relatives, we must not only consider blood kinship, but ignore the differences in the three views of the two sides.
If you can't talk about it together, it will be very painful.
Getting too close to relatives who disagree with the three views often makes you tired.
When Sun Shaoping and his cousin moved bricks together in "Ordinary World", his cousin accidentally stained the bricks with blood and asked Sun Shaoping to help him hide it.
Sun Shaoping, who never lied, identified his cousin to Zhishu.
The cousin immediately turned his face, and afterwards Sun Shaoping took the initiative to help the cousin's family carry water.
Unexpectedly, his kind heart, cousin did not buy it, and even took away his salary.
Getting along with people who can't talk is a disaster.
If the three views do not coincide, they will eventually drift away.
Even brothers who are remarried must choose three views and make friends.
The best relationship, closeness and degree
There is a saying in the "Augmented Xianwen Shangji": "It is despicable to live for a long time, and it is also impossible to come and kiss frequently."
In life, the interaction with relatives is too frequent and will affect the relationship between the two sides.
The best relatives should be close and measured.
An Xin in "Parents' Love", in the handling of family relations, has always shown high emotional intelligence and wisdom.
When Anjie loses her temper and returns to her mother's house, she will listen carefully to her talk;
Newly married Anjie, in dealing with marriage and family conflicts, always seems inadequate, she will always give pertinent advice;
When Anjie is confined, her brother and sister-in-law are too busy to come, and she will personally take good care of anjie and serve Anjie's food and drink.
As long as this sister has difficulties, she, who is a sister, will appear for the first time and become the most reliable "patron" of her mother's family.
However, Anxin sometimes chooses to keep his distance from Anjie.
When her husband was transformed into a rightist, he lived in The Little Black Island with his two daughters, and her husband did hard work in the sun and rain, and the days were really hard, and the conditions for eating and living were very bad.
Although she knew that her sister lived nearby and that her brother-in-law was the commander of the Navy, she still did not take the initiative to go closer.
An Xin is very clear that when his family identity is more sensitive, if he gets too close to his sister, he is likely to harm the other party and will also be "walked through the back door" by other people's public opinion.
Therefore, she would rather suffer in silence than take the initiative to disturb her relatives, let alone touch her sister's light.
In terms of family affection, she has always been particularly tolerant and caring for Anjie, and she will also behave very measuredly.
She has always had her own position, her own temper and bottom line.
She gets angry when she hears that Anjie has made herself a babysitter;
Show your attitude: you are not a nanny, you are taking care of her as a sister;
She takes care of Anjie out of affection;
Obviously, also from a rich family, she will not love to show off like her sister, nor will she have the temper of a capitalist lady.
It can be seen that An Xin has achieved closeness and estrangement to Anjie.
Obviously, in dealing with relationships and intimacy, An Xin is very principled, and her measure is: not to take advantage of others, nor to reduce her own stature.
There is a Western proverb: "Love your relatives, but don't live too close to them." ”
Many times, people get along with each other, not the more intimate and comfortable;
In many cases, too close will affect the relationship between the two parties;
When getting along with relatives, we should keep our own three views and the bottom line.
Between relatives and friends, estrangement is measured, and there is a degree of progress and retreat, which is the best way to get along.
I once saw a saying: "Any relationship that cannot be chosen is suspicious." Relatives are the most typical one. ”
Around us, there are like-minded relatives, and there are also brothers who do not speculate.
Blood relations should not be the only measure of intimacy in a relationship.
Many times, if you don't have yourself, you are obviously walking relatives, but in the end, the relationship between relatives has no way out.
Instead of wasting time on these unattainable relationships, cherish those who can't talk.
May all our relatives never disperse.
About the author: Zheng Sibo, and 5 million people together to upgrade the cognition of life, the source of this article: Fu Xiaoshu, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated
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