1, my girlfriend is a southerner, and I am an authentic northerner. The first time I brought my girlfriend to dinner at home, my girlfriend was not at all restrained. At the dinner table, my girlfriend said to me, "Clip that eggplant for me."

1, my girlfriend is a southerner, and I am an authentic northerner. The first time I brought my girlfriend to dinner at home, my girlfriend was not at all restrained. At the dinner table, my girlfriend said to me, "Clip that eggplant for me." Me: "That's potato chips." Girlfriend: "Ah, then don't, then clip that winter melon." Me: "That's a turnip." Girlfriend: "This is the winter melon, then what is it?" Me: "That's tofu." Girlfriend: "Bring me a shredded potato, how do you make potato fries and shredded potatoes?" The mother standing next to her looked at the bean sprouts she was pointing to and almost cried.

2. Wife: Husband, I don't know anything? This couple sits in line, how can the husband be in front? And the wife tail queen? Husband: This is a good explanation, you read the word husband and wife upside down. Wife: Husband-in-law. Husband-in-law. Husband: That is, this reading, not only has it gone away and become a bully. Bullied!　　

3, wife: You marry me, is to let me help you wash your clothes by hand and cook in the briquette stove? Husband: In order to marry you, I even sold the washing machine and gas stove to make up enough money for the bride price you asked for. Wife: So how did I do so much housework alone? Husband: There's nothing I can do, I don't have the money to marry a second wife.

4, the wife's girlfriend secretly talked about a boyfriend from all the people, the boyfriend's age is quite old, just tell everyone. My wife's girlfriend was dating her boyfriend and was bumped into by me, and my wife's girlfriend looked panicked. I said: Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, this is a secret for both of us! The next day, my girlfriend came to my house to play, and when I was eating, my daughter-in-law asked: Stinky girl, where did the strawberries on her neck come from? My girlfriend looked at me and said: This is my secret with your husband! I "poofed" a mouthful of rice and squirted out, what's wrong, did I say something wrong?

5. A few days ago, the community asked to truthfully declare personal information and itinerary. My wife suddenly asked me as she filled in: What does it mean that it says mobile contact information? Me: Just fill in your mobile phone number. Wife: But my mobile phone is not a mobile card, it is a telecommunications. Alas, this IQ, no wonder it was fooled by me in the first half a month!

6, last year's New Year, I was in the father-in-law's house for the New Year. At home, it is rare to have leisure, the brother-in-law took out the tea set and said to make tea for me to drink. The tea set was laid out, the boiling water was boiled, and it was found that there was no tea leaves. I said, "Just drink boiled water." The brother-in-law did not dry, took a bottle of strong wine from the back room, poured some in the cup, and mixed it with boiling water. Then he took a cup for me and said triumphantly: Brother-in-law, this looks like tea, let's just go down, make wine and drink...

7, after serving the dish, the customer was stunned for half a day, asked: Am I safe to eat here? Boss: Brother, what are you talking about, how good is social security now? Customer: But I'm still a little worried. Boss: Brother, you can eat with confidence, I guarantee that you are absolutely safe. No one dares to touch a hair of yours. The customer listened, moved the chopsticks, finished eating, and went outside. Boss: Hey, brother, you haven't checked out yet? Customer: I didn't bring any money! Boss: Nima, do you eat the Overlord meal? Watch Lao Tzu not beat you to death! Customer: Boss, but as you said, to ensure that I am absolutely safe, I only eat.

8, late at night, the husband tossed and turned unable to sleep, the wife asked: is it uncomfortable? Husband: No! I owe 500 yuan to my neighbor Lao Wang, which will expire tomorrow, but I have no money to pay back, so I can't sleep. Wife: This is easy to do, she got out of bed, opened the door, and shouted at the neighbor Lao Wang's house: Hey, Lao Wang! My husband can't pay you back tomorrow! After saying that, she closed the door, returned to her husband, and said: "Okay, you can sleep in peace, now it's Lao Wang's turn to sleep."

9. When my uncle went abroad to study, he met a foreign aunt. After middle age, my aunt became fatter and fatter. On this day, I was eating, uncle: daughter-in-law, recently I found that you are heavy again. Auntie: How do you see that I'm heavy again? Uncle: I heard it from the fart you just farted. Auntie: What's wrong? Uncle: The fart sound used to be very bright, but now the fart sound is very obscure, and the fat fart road is almost passable.

10, colleagues bought a new Bluetooth headset, is really like, love and care. Wear it to and from work and enjoy the fun of music. Only one morning when she arrived at the office, she cried that her phone had been stolen. I said: Don't you listen to the song all the time, how can it be stolen? She said: To blame is to blame the Bluetooth headset signal is too good! I dizzy, meaning, the phone has been stolen far away, and the headphones can still hear the song!

11, dinner to eat dumplings to the little nephew filled three, half an hour later, found that the little nephew bowl is still two dumplings, I am a little annoyed: you know to watch TV, this will only eat one, hurry up and eat and then look at... Little nephew: Aunt I haven't started eating yet, that fell to the ground...

12, in the evening, female colleagues sent me a message: I want to confess to the boy I like, but I dare not. I encouraged her to say: If you like it, be bold and confess. The female colleague said: But I don't know how to confess to her. I said: Just ask him directly, would you like to be my boyfriend? Female colleague: Would you like to be my boyfriend? Me: Right, right, that's it.

13, I: "Boss, is your stir-fried oil wheat dish a meat dish or a vegetarian dish?" Boss: "Of course it's a vegetarian dish" Me: "So what's going on with this worm" Boss: "Uh... It's also here to eat. Me: "Why do I pay for it to eat?" I don't know it! The boss cried and said, "It lost its life for this meal, can you still ask it for AA?" ”

14, I haven't seen Fa Xiao for a long time, and I heard that he is now better than me. Once, when we met, he rode his bicycle to an appointment. I joked: Oh, don't you dare to drive out the good car at home. He said: "Most of my salary is subsidized for students, my lover is also very supportive, we now live in public rental housing, and we have a newborn daughter." After listening to it, I was silent, there are pure people in this world. He's almost thirty years old, a little bald, but my eyes are so bright I can't even look him in the eye. At this time I was with him, and I was inferior.