I've always felt like a gentle mom, which is not to say how good my personality is, it's just that I'm not so impatient when it comes to sweet education. Unlike some parents who urge girls to do this and that, I always say to Sweetie: Child, take your time, mom is not in a hurry.
Tiantian School issued a literacy test book containing more than 3,000 commonly used Chinese characters. We spent a few days helping Tiantian test them one by one and found that she already knew more than 500 Chinese characters.
In the evening, I opened QQ and told the parent group of Tiantian's class about this matter, and learned that some students in their class can know more than 1,000 Chinese characters, and there are not a few students who know 900 Chinese characters. If you rank according to this ranking, Tiantian will definitely rank in the middle and lower reaches of the class, and her performance is not very outstanding. But I didn't criticize her for this, on the contrary, I deliberately pretended to be surprised and praised her: "You are so good, now you know 500 Chinese characters, and when my mother was as old as you, she didn't know as many words as you." ”
I will not feel faceless because Sweet knows fewer words than other children, and I will not be anxious about it, and then urge Sweet to try to recognize words. Although on the surface Sweetie is lagging behind, but if you think about it, she is the youngest in the class, 3 years younger than the oldest student in the class. So I don't feel like it's backward, I'm not in a hurry to rush anything, on the contrary, I think it's natural, sweet needs time to grow up slowly.
Growing up, I never deliberately put any pressure on her, and I never required her to enter the top three in the exam, and I felt that as long as she did her best, no matter what the result was, she deserved praise. The road of life is long, there are no shortcuts to speak of, she needs to explore slowly.
I remember once I went to the school to pick up Sweetie from school, and when I got to the school gate, I found her standing there looking around. I parked the car not far away and waved to her, signaling her to come over. Sweetie took a few steps but turned back and walked toward the classroom. I hurried out of the car and followed her, wanting to see what she had forgotten to bring. Entering the classroom, Sweetie took out her math textbook and a wrapping paper from the hole in the table, and then said to me: "Mom, the book cover on my textbook is broken, and the same table gave me a wrapping paper." Can you help me wrap my booksuit? Sweetie said as she pushed the book and wrapping paper in front of me.
I did not accept her request, but sat aside and told Tiantian: "You can slowly wrap the book cover, I can wait for you, okay?" Sweetly said, "But, Mom, I won't wrap it." I encouraged her: "Didn't Mom wrap it up for you a few times before?" It's not hard for you to try it yourself with your memory. ”
"Well, I'll wrap it myself." Sweet sat down and began to "dress" the math textbook. This is the first time she wrapped the book cover, so the action is very strange, wrapped once felt dissatisfied, felt that it did not look good, and then opened and re-wrapped. The second time was not easy to wrap up, or it did not look good, so there was a third, fourth... I sat and watched quietly, without showing the slightest impatience, although sweet was slow, but I was very gentle. Although I have many reasons to urge her to hurry up: to hurry home to cook, wash clothes, clean, and so on. But these things are far less important in my mind than what Sweetie is doing in front of me, so I will tell myself that it is better to watch quietly.
At that time, Tiantian was just 7 years old, and her personality was not contaminated with the slightest "impatience". I want her to move forward smoothly and not have to rush into everything. I also hope that no matter what situation she faces, she will look natural. Of course, this is not the so-called grinding and procrastination, but a normal rhythm that is characteristic of her age, slowly doing everything well.
It is under such guidance that Sweetie becomes very calm, and the communication between us is also very smooth, not the kind of rival relationship between many mothers and daughters, but a friendship relationship that talks about everything.
Since I started working in educational counseling, I have met many parents who are always eager to make girls in the family talented, so they constantly urge and even coerce girls to complete the goals they have set. The parents of such acute children will also teach girls who are acute children, and when they face each other, they often quarrel endlessly because they do not speculate, making the relationship with their children very tense. I would tell these parents that the rhythm of a girl's life is different from that of an adult, and for her, the most comfortable state is to follow the rhythm of nature. Therefore, in life, parents are best not to urge girls and let children get used to doing things at their own pace. You can't feel that the child is rubbing and pointing fingers, urging endlessly.
Once, when I was out running errands and eating at a restaurant, I saw a mother waiting for her seven- or eight-year-old daughter, who was obviously finished eating, but her daughter was not yet full. The mother waited for a while, and then yelled at her daughter: "Hurry, give you a minute, eat all this, don't get dressed, or else..." Although the words were not spoken, the threat was obvious. The little girl kept stuffing things into her mouth after listening to it, and when she walked out of the hotel, her cheeks were still bulging high, and there was still a lot of food in her mouth that she had not had time to swallow.
As a girl's parents, we often consciously or unconsciously ask her to be faster, to do her homework faster, to eat faster, to take a bath faster, and to improve her academic performance faster... But I didn't think about it from the girl's point of view, is this kind of urging really for her good?
Allowing the girl to slow down is to make her think and imagine better. If the parents ask the child to adapt to the rhythm of life beyond the limits that her age can bear, then it will disrupt the child's physical and psychological development, and the harm to her will be great. What is more serious is that impatient urging and unrealistic high requirements will hurt the parent-child relationship, destroy the harmonious atmosphere of family life, and the harm to the whole family is also very huge.
