When a prisoner was executed, the prison guard just said, "Execution! Just listening to the prisoner laughing all the time, the prison guard immediately stopped the interjector and asked, "You are all going to die, why are you still laughing so much?"

When a prisoner was executed, the prison guard just said, "Execution! Just listening to the prisoner laughing all the time, the prison guard immediately stopped the interjector and asked, "You are going to die, why are you still laughing so happily?" The prisoner said: "The book says, laugh every day, and sure enough, you can live for a few more seconds." ”

2 In kindergarten, the little boy gave a little girl a mouthful of lollipops. The little girl picked up the lollipop and asked: What if I eat it and get pregnant? The little boy said domineeringly, after being born, the three of us went to kindergarten together!!! That's the most responsible word I've ever heard!!! Responsible, this is the grandfather!!!

3 Eat steak at the restaurant with girlfriend.

Suddenly I heard a particularly loud "Alipay arrived at 8,000 yuan." ”

At first I thought it was my dad who gave me living expenses.

Wait until you click on Alipay to see, it is a strange number,

He also left a message saying: "Thanks Master! ”

I thought it must have been a mistake, and I immediately transferred the money back to him

go.

Who would have thought that a minute later I would hear again: "Alipay has arrived."

18000 yuan! ”

The message was still the same as the original, and I went back again.

Then I heard: "Alipay has arrived at 28,000 yuan!" ”

I replied, "You're welcome, that's what I should do." ”

4 Xiao Wang was often abused by his wife, and he was very depressed. On this day, I met a fairy, and the immortal said: I can help you fulfill a wish. Xiao Wang said happily: I want you to help me abolish my wife's force. The immortal said: No, it can only affect you. Xiao Wang said: Then you let me have the power of a dragon. When I got home, I was still beaten, because my wife would descend the dragon eighteen palms!

5 The mother-in-law broke into the brother-in-law's room and crossed her waist to count the brother-in-law: the room is like a kennel, and she doesn't know how to clean it up!

The brother-in-law said weakly: Have you ever seen a dog clean up the room?

The mother-in-law asked coldly: What do you mean! Admit to being a dog!

The brother-in-law said: No, aren't the kennels all cleaned up by the dogs?

6 The old man invested in my 5 million company to graduate, I drove at home for almost ten years of Wuling Hongguang run Didi. Because the conditions at home became difficult, my wife only gave me 50 yuan of pocket money every month, and when I bought a pack of cigarettes, I was gone. I secretly borrowed 100,000 yuan from my brother-in-law as private money, and we negotiated a yearly interest of 2,000 yuan. After a few days, my brother-in-law went on a business trip and sent me a WeChat message the next day: "Brother-in-law, you should now give me six thousand yuan of interest on the money you borrowed from me." I thought about the question mark, and the brother-in-law replied: "If you don't see me for a day, if you don't see me every three autumns, should you give me three years of interest?" "I quickly transferred six thousand to my brother-in-law, and it was too much to borrow money from him!"

7 Valentine's Day driving a BMW with his wife out shopping.

It wasn't until eleven o'clock that I drove home.

My wife seemed disappointed and said to me: Don't you have any surprises for me?

I thought about it: Yes! Close your eyes and pray for 99 seconds, and surprise will appear

Then I sped home and when I got home I said, "What??" Ten minutes before the road is now home in one minute!

8 Last night the department team was built, the beautiful female colleague was drunk, I sent her home, brought her tea and poured water for a busy meal.

The female colleague said to me drunkenly: Don't you want to do what you men want to do the most?

When I finally reached this sentence, I burst into tears with excitement and said to her: You know me too well, you sleep, I have to go back to playing games.

After saying that, I immediately left the female colleague's house, alas, almost delayed me playing games in the middle of the night!

9 The first time my boyfriend went to my house, usually our family does not eat spicy, that day Dad personally took charge of the cooking, all dishes put a lot of peppers.

My parents kept picking vegetables for him, and my boyfriend was sweating profusely and didn't dare to stop.

After eating, Dad said to his boyfriend, "Remember the taste?" Our whole family smells this way, do you know how to deal with my daughter? ”

10 Tired of eating in the cafeteria, I bought a bottle of "Old Mother" chili sauce at the supermarket. But the bottle cap was screwed too tightly, and the girl with the strongest hand could not unscrew it for half a day. At that time, the female headroom was anxious and roared angrily: "I'll come!" Only to see her blushing, desperately twisting, only to hear a "pop", the dormitory was full of cheers. The head of the female chamberlain said with some embarrassment, "I'm sorry, my belt is broken." ”

11 The second lady bought a set of very hot weekly socks online a few days ago. It's the kind of socks that have numbers from 1 to 7 written on them, representing Monday through Sunday. In this way, changing your socks every day can remember the day of the week. A few days ago, the second lady saw that her colleague Iron Bull was also wearing a similar pair of socks, but the number on it was 9. The second lady asked curiously: Is there still a Friday? Iron Bull said: This is not September.

12 The beautiful colleague's computer is broken, I am a technical house, 5 minutes to fix. The female colleague said to me: I am worthy of being the most intelligent and capable technician in our company, and if only I could have a child as smart as you in the future. I said badly: the method is not nothing, there is a method is... She interrupted me: "You think too much, I have a husband."