At night, when I went to play at the home of a female colleague, just when her 7-year-old son was not sleeping, I teased him: "How are the test results?" He looked at me and asked, "Brother, is your girlfriend good-looking?" High salary

At night, when I went to play at the home of a female colleague, just when her 7-year-old son was not sleeping, I teased him: "How are the test results?" He looked at me and asked, "Brother, is your girlfriend good-looking?" Is the salary high? Without waiting for me to answer, he continued: "Your girlfriend is definitely not as good looking as my mother, otherwise she would not have come to my mother at night." You certainly don't have a high salary, otherwise you wouldn't be driving a hundred thousand cars. "I was suddenly angry, and he was all right. I was angry, so I teased him, "I'll be your father!" He sneered, "Brother, don't think it's so useless, many people have such thoughts, but...you have to pass this level first!" I was about to speak when a female colleague came over and pulled me away and whispered, "Brother, what do you think of me, don't tell the child, he's still young and doesn't understand anything!" "I'm speechless, just nawa still says she doesn't understand anything?" The female colleague said: "Brother, I tell you the truth, although we have a good relationship, you are still not qualified to be the father of the child." I wondered, "Why?" The female colleague said: "I think well, this time to find a partner, I have to find a friend for the child." You're a little older, and there's a generation gap with my kids? "I went, I was only 22 years old, she was 35 years old, still think I'm older? Is it a deliberate excuse?

2. Seeing that it is about to be ten o'clock, the little daughter is still bouncing on the window, especially energetic. I yawned at the side, my eyelids almost open, sleepy and unwanted. In order to get my little daughter to sleep quickly, I frightened her and said, "Dare to sleep fast, whose little child does not sleep, the wolf will follow the sound to find it, it is very terrible, usually come out in the middle of the night, it will howl under the moon..." Sure enough, the daughter was a little frightened and quickly closed her eyes. The next morning, I met my neighbor's aunt downstairs, and as soon as she saw me, she asked, "Xiao Wang, what kind of dog do you have at home, how does it bark like a wolf, and I hear my scalp tingle in the middle of the night." ”

3. When I was studying at Tsinghua University, my roommate always told me to go to the bar to play. The head of the room drank too much and made a wild statement in the bar: Tonight all the expenses will be paid by my prince. After he woke up drunk, he looked at the bill of 500,000 yuan and wanted to cry without tears! The boss said to him: No money to put on what to wear? He cried and said with a sad face: I will brush your cup to pay off the debt, right? The boss angrily said: Not only brushing cups, but also housework you have to take care of all! He nodded: Got it, Dad!

4. Recently, I quarreled with my wife, all of which were caused by drinking, and I thought that it was not okay to continue like this, and my feelings would definitely go wrong. So I swore to my wife: From tomorrow onwards, I am determined to be a person again, and I feel that I will not drink alcohol! The next night, I was still drunk and went home. The wife said: What did you say yesterday? I was too busy explaining clearly: Alas! I didn't expect this person I remade to still love to drink so much.

5. I have a cousin who is in his early 30s and has gone on a blind date a hundred times, but none of them have succeeded. Brother once the other party asked the cousin: Have you ever been in love? The cousin said: Not talked about! The woman helplessly left, saying that she did not have love experience! The second time the woman asked her cousin if she had been in love? This time the cousin learned to be obedient and said: "Yes, I have been in love several times!" "The woman said that he was a big turnip with a big heart, and he left in disgust... The third cousin, based on the experience of many failures, changed from passive to active, and preemptively asked the other party whether he had ever been in love. As a result, the woman disliked him for speaking too bluntly and not euphemistically enough, and also left. Life is full of surprises...

6. I started my own business after graduating from college, and now I am the owner of three companies, because the company's business is more and more, many contracts are personally negotiated by me, so I travel to other places. When I go out in the morning, I see that the street food is particularly delicious, and I want to taste more. I asked for a tofu brain and a bowl of bean foam by myself, and soon another big brother came. He looked at me and asked for 2 soups by myself, disdainfully skimmed his lips, and muttered: Oh, this is showing off wealth, boss, give me a bowl of bean foam, a bowl of tofu brain, a piece of soy milk, a piece of millet porridge.

7. Some time ago, the Internet was popular to sell "weekly socks", and I thought it was fun and bought some. As the name suggests, each number represents a day, Monday through Sunday. Yesterday, my female colleague across from me wore a similar pair of socks, but the number on it was 9. So I asked curiously: What, there is still Nine? She smiled slightly and said, "Oh, it's not September!"

8. The sister-in-law who is in junior high school bought a floor-to-ceiling mirror, cleaned up the room and planned to put the mirror on the opposite side of the window, the mother-in-law saw it and let her quickly take it off, and then mysteriously said to the sister-in-law: "Daughter, the mirror cannot be placed in the direction of the window, it is not good!" The sister-in-law whispered, "Why?" The mother-in-law looked at the sister-in-law and said, "You think, every day you open your eyes and see your real self with a dirty face, and you don't even give you a buffer time, aren't you afraid?" The sister-in-law said, "Makes sense!" ”

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #