1. My boyfriend met during bungee jumping because the two of us peed our pants at the time. Yesterday I followed him home to meet my parents, but I didn't expect that my sister-in-law was actually my old classmate. She saw

1. My boyfriend met during bungee jumping because the two of us peed our pants at the time. Yesterday I followed him home to meet my parents, but I didn't expect that my sister-in-law was actually my old classmate. When she saw me, she immediately cried out loudly, "Brother, you two can't be together." The boyfriend asked in surprise, "What' wrong?" Sister-in-law: "Because she is my classmate." Boyfriend: "What happened to my classmates?" Any questions? Sister-in-law: "Song, I'm here for your own good, you forgot I'm an accounting major?" Her accounting is notoriously good at school. ”

2. The sister-in-law spent money to buy a cute Labrador dog and went to a cute name called Toto! That day, a large group of us watched a variety show on the couch. After performing his talents with a small fresh meat, he introduced a piece of his original composition and choreography, hoping to praise his work more. The little nephew looked at "Duoduo" lying on the ground with a blank face, and then asked me: "Duoduo" how to give him praise?

3. I recently especially liked the TV series finale, did not expect the heroine to jump into the river, the boyfriend's whereabouts are unknown, I was still immersed in sadness, girlfriend called me to her house, said to give me something. I immediately ran, she threw me several large packs of sanitary napkins, said: the other day discount to buy, the result is not used, cheap you! I exclaimed, "You're amenorrhea so young!" Girlfriend: Roll, a little common sense is not good, I am pregnant!

4. When I first started playing the game, I was often scolded, and an auxiliary girl of Lolita always comforted me. Later, when the relationship got better, we often doubled up together, and last night I asked her out. She asked me: Did you drive? I shook my head and she said, "I'm sorry, we're not right. I said, "Okay, then I'll ask the driver to take you back!" She immediately turned around and said, "Actually, I think you're still pretty good!" When I finished kissing her, I immediately stopped a taxi to take her away...

5. The brothers got married today, and the mother-in-law drank a few more drinks when she was happy.

Before the banquet, she drunkenly took the groom's hand and said: "Our girlfriend has been with you for five or six years, the children have beaten you twice, you have given a lot of money, but our family is not rare, she only needs a name, and now you can marry her when you divorce her, we are all very happy, I hope you are whitehead..." The brothers were confused at the time: We have only known each other for half a year.

6. Last night when I was sleeping, my colleagues called me one after another. I picked up the phone and said, super impatiently: What the hell do you want to do! He said, "Then you tell me what to do with insomnia." I said helplessly: You count the sheep! What can I do to call me? As a result, the cargo yelled at me: What happened to my sheep, should the sheep not sleep?

7. In the picture of a bag, my husband does not buy it for me, my husband and I lose my temper, and then run to my mother here. When I got home just in time for my mother to steam a roast chicken, I picked it up and ate it. Just eating well, my father grabbed his nephew and came in, looked at me, and trained my nephew: I have learned to gamble and go on a hunger strike at a young age, you look at your aunt, and then get angry and eat or eat. My mother said next to me: That is, the roast chicken that I originally bought for you, there is nothing left, and it is not necessarily enough.

8. After graduating from college, my girlfriend worked as a reporter for a TV station. On this day, the boss sent a girlfriend to interview a billionaire, and the girlfriend asked him: What is the wisest decision you have made in your life? The rich man listened to the silence for a long time. The girlfriend was stunned, and then asked: Was it your act of annexing other companies when you were 40 years old, which made your assets triple. The rich man shook his head and said: "I did a paternity test with my three sons some time ago, and I almost gave the property to three outsiders before I died."

9. Saved 20,000 yuan for 3 years to buy a favorite Hermès shoulder bag. Unexpectedly, my husband actually donated 20,000 yuan to charity. I was very angry, but I didn't want to argue in front of my mother-in-law, so I stared angrily, frowned, and gritted my teeth. After seeing my expression, my mother-in-law gave me a blank eye and said: Daughter-in-law, what are you doing, acting, you are a good actor, is it useful? I was wronged, so I heard my mother-in-law say loudly: Hurry up, beat him, can you manage your husband without beating him?

10. When you go to an Internet café to play a game, you fall in love with the female owner of the Internet café at first sight. I was very anxious, and I immediately went to confess to the female boss, but I didn't expect that she actually agreed to me. I happily took her in my arms and she asked, "How do you feel now?" I said honestly: I still feel a little incredulous. She wiped my face and said, "Fool, I don't believe you pinch your own face." I did, and then I woke up.

11. I went out early this morning and sent a message to my wife saying: It's snowing today, it's cold, remember not to let him catch a cold! The wife wiped her stomach and felt very warm. Reply to me: Husband, the child did not come out, how can it be cold? I sent a smug face and said: I don't mean children, I mean our huskies, don't let him run around!

12. The wife changed into a new dress purchased online in the morning, and the son hugged his mother and said, "Mom, you really look like a princess in this dress." ”

The wife was so touched that she hugged and kissed me, and turned back to me: "Your son is sweeter than your mouth, learn!"

I scratched my head: "Wife, you really look like a princess in this dress." ”

The wife was furious: "Why are you so honest, when did you go to that kind of place?" ”

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #