1, last night, after my husband fell asleep, I secretly picked up his finger to unlock the mobile phone, I did not expect that the moment I saw the screen, I was full of red, and the screensaver was a string of words: Wife, nothing

1, last night, after my husband fell asleep, I secretly picked up his finger to unlock the mobile phone, I did not expect that the moment I saw the screen, I was full of red, the screensaver was a string of words: Wife, nothing, I love you to death. So I put down my husband's cell phone and closed my eyes to sleep. But it seems that my husband is relieved!!!!!?

2. I missed Tsinghua due to a one-point difference, so I had to go to the Central Academy of Fine Arts to study. Once, I asked Fa Xiao if he could draw a portrait of him as a class assignment. He agreed, and I drew it and handed it in, and I actually got a C. I asked the teacher why he gave such a low score, and the teacher said that my painting proportions were not right: "The head is too big, the shoulders are too wide, and the arms are too thin." "The next day, I immediately took Fa Xiao to see the teacher. The teacher glanced at Fa Xiao and said, "Okay, give you an A." ”"

3. Yesterday my mother introduced me to a blind date, and I heard that Zhang was very beautiful, so the next day I decided to take a look. After arriving at the woman's house, my aunt saw that I was very enthusiastic and said: Come on, have you parked the car? I said: It's too small, so I told the driver to drive the car away. Auntie listened to it more enthusiastically, at noon dinner made a lot of meat, it can be seen that I am very satisfied, after the meal aunt surprised me asked me: what is the car. I said: There is no big deal about cars, that is, millions of buses.

4. When I went out tonight, a robber suddenly stopped me. Robber: "Rob, take the money!" He searched on me for half a day and didn't find it, and when he left, he said: "Poor goods, don't go out in the future!" I was angry! He said to him, "Don't go, look down on anyone, I'll call you to borrow!" Then I started calling my friends to borrow it, and I didn't borrow it for half a day. The robber patted me on the shoulder and handed me two hundred dollars: "Brother, I have pierced my heart." You take it first! ”

5, the brother-in-law went out to buy cigarettes, and his Huawei P40pro mobile phone left at home. Suddenly there was a phone call coming, I looked at the display "10010", I didn't think much about it, just hung up!? After a while, a text message came, and the sender was exactly 10010: "Why don't you answer the phone?" My heart was very worried, and the jewel made God send a call back. On the other side of the phone came my niece's familiar voice: "Dad, why don't you answer my phone?" My living expenses are gone, you hurry up and call me!?" I instantly understood what 10010 meant.

6, this week weekend at home rest, in the morning want to go back to my hometown to see my foster in my mother's house of the husky, got up early in the morning, bought a few vegetarian buns in the bun shop, planning to make up breakfast after arriving home. When I got home and saw the stupid dog lying on the ground, I deliberately put the bun, let it smell it and not give it to eat, who knew that it bird did not bird me, P strand twisted back to the kennel, took a sausage out to eat on my side, while eating while also glaring at me... I let the dog laugh at the wind??????

7, in the bar a flight attendant fell in love with me at first sight, do not want a bride price to marry me, I gladly agreed. We had a happy life, and six months later she bore me a son. Yesterday my son came home from school and showed me the award. Me: You still have to work hard, when your father and I were young, the award certificates were all plastered all over the wall. Daughter-in-law: My mother told me long ago that your grades are always counted down, and the second grade sent you to a private school, and the award certificates they give you every semester are all hand-held.

8. Once, on the subway, an old man next to me stared at me for half a day, and suddenly said to me: "Boy, look at your face, your weight should be eighty kilograms!" "I was shocked! I said, "Uncle, you are so accurate, can you help me see this year's horoscope again?" Uncle replied, "Look at your uncle!" You stepped on my feet! “?

9. My sister-in-law is divorced and lives in my house temporarily. It happened that my wife was on a business trip, and I was at home with my eldest sister-in-law at night... I sat bored together... We all said, "Let's do something!" After saying that, he looked at each other awkwardly... The eldest sister-in-law pondered for a moment to alleviate the embarrassment and quickly added: "Brother-in-law, didn't you video with your sister today?" If you don't want to play a video of your sister, I miss her too..." I quickly responded: "Yes, yes, I miss her too"... So I called my daughter-in-law... Dialing out the video was rejected, and then received a WeChat message: Your wife is asleep... My eldest sister-in-law and I said in unison: "How can I send WeChat when I am asleep..." The witty sister-in-law said: "Brother-in-law, I will try one"... This time, the wife's WeChat replied to the sister-in-law: "Your sister is asleep..." I quickly called the phone and came to a very fierce man's voice on the other end of the phone: "You are sick!" Tell you that your daughter-in-law is asleep, and you still call over, don't you know that it hurts your daughter-in-law? The next day, the daughter-in-law called and explained: "The company does not give money, so Lao Wang and I have booked a room, in fact, this is also good... Take care of each other! ......”

10. When I was in school, my temper was relatively grumpy, and I often fought with my classmates because of a small matter. On this day, I had a little quarrel with a classmate, and finally chased after the door of our class and scolded me. Hearing this, my ears were almost cocooned, and I raised my fist and waved it at his head. He jerked his head against the wall, bleeding downwards. And my fist also hit the doorknob, breaking the skin and swollen purple. Then the teacher came, saw that we were seriously injured, and immediately took us to the hospital for treatment. The doctor said: You two this is not called a fight, this is called self-harm!

11, I often wash my wife's clothes, every time I will find some change, of course, I will quietly hide, accumulate into more... Ask her today: "Do you still have clothes to wash?" The wife said, "Yes, wait a minute!" "When I saw her quietly put a few coins in her coat pocket, I seemed to understand something."

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #