1. When I was studying at Southeast University, a roommate fell in love with a divorced female teacher. Toward graduation, my roommate drank some wine and ran to the girls' dormitory to hand over a love letter written two years ago to the woman

1. When I was studying at Southeast University, a roommate fell in love with a divorced female teacher. When I was about to graduate, my roommate drank some wine and ran to the girls' dormitory to give the female teacher a love letter written two years ago. Then, without waiting for anyone to speak, the roommate rushed back to the dormitory, nervously waiting for a response. Five minutes later, the female teacher sent him a text message: "Why did you give me 500?" Too much, 200 is enough! ”

2, the son was born in the hometown for the mother-in-law to bring. My wife and I work in out-of-town cities. During this time, my wife especially wanted to have children, so I went back to my hometown to take the children to find my wife. The house rented by the wife is on the 10th floor and needs to take the elevator. My son is three years old and it's his first time in the elevator. When it was almost time I said: Oh Mani Mani, open the door! Just as the elevator door opened, the boy saw it and thought it was amazing, so he had to let me teach him. In the end, it was agreed that he would give two days to recite a Tang poem as a quid pro quo for the spell, and he always had fun playing those two days!

3, female colleagues asked me curiously: "Brother, under what circumstances do you say that men suddenly become very diligent?" I groaned and said, "Unless he did something to be sorry for you!" When the female colleague heard the words, she suddenly cried, yelling that her boyfriend must have done something to apologize to her. I hurried to comfort her, half an hour still can't coax, no way, I had to be naughty with her for a while, which made her happy.

After returning to the landlady's apartment, without waiting for her to say anything, I took the initiative to do housework, cook, and when she came back from work, the 300 square meters apartment was renewed, and she asked me: "Looking for someone to clean?" I said that I did it myself, and the female boss came over and pinched my waist, and said breathlessly: "Honestly, did you do anything to be sorry for me?" "I was secretly frightened, thinking about the naughty things with female colleagues, I must not let her know, I don't care, the key is that I am afraid that she will fire female colleagues."

I was about to make up a blind explanation, but the female boss suddenly said painfully: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lost my temper!" Saying, he took out a multi-million Patek Philippe watch from Kun's bag, handed it to me and said, "For you, don't you like it?" "When I took that watch, my hands were shaking, millions of watches, how many things must have been done to apologize to me?

4, today's long-lost and high school classmates gathered a meeting, everyone mixed quite well, all kinds of BMW Mercedes,I opened a Wuling Hongguang over.

Before the dish, everyone bragged about the mountain. A few buddies took the opportunity to straighten me out and asked me: How to open Wuling Hongguang, is it not mixed up?

Me: Originally received a lot of luxury car coupons, but I am a dedicated person, just want to buy a car, in fact, Ferrari is very good,

Last year, when I was visiting the auto show, I thought about it, whether it was the performance or the configuration, it was the top, but there were too few seats.

I couldn't sit down with my girlfriends and wanted to go, so I finally chose Wuling Hongguang.

5. My wife works in a foreign company and was recently promoted to be a supervisor. Her whole body was floating, and when she came home, she did not make clothes or wash her clothes. After a week in a row, I couldn't help but say: You don't wash my clothes, I've found someone to wash my clothes! You also know this person. My wife was furious, took the slippers and smoked me, and said: Who is it? I immediately said with grievance: That person is myself, can't I find myself to wash it?

6. When I was in elementary school, once the teacher assigned an essay called: "An Unforgettable Thing". I struggled to write about my father beating me. But after writing it, I felt that the effect was not ideal, so I went to find my father and asked, "Dad, will you help me change it?" Sure enough, after dad read it, he glanced at me and said, "Good! Then you go find a stick and I'll give you a good polish! ”

7, an old man on the treasure program, the treasure to the archaeologist, archaeologists after reading and said: "Your thing is not worth much!" Old Man: "This is absolutely impossible, this is handed down from our ancestors, it is definitely a genuine antique." Archaeologist: "Antiques indeed, but not worth much!" Old Man: "What is the truth of this?" Archaeologist: "If I'm not mistaken, you have this whetstone in your hand for decades, right?" ”

8, since the Spring Festival, my sister-in-law has begun to play cat and mouse games with me. Even if she tried to get me back, I racked my brains and ran away after a meal. But tonight she gave an ultimatum and said: If you don't come back, I won't recognize you as a sister. I obediently said to my sister-in-law: I have the second sister's puppy! The second sister said no, I don't know what tomorrow is like! Who knew that the sister-in-law said in an unquestionable tone: Isn't it fragrant? I'll have it ready, I'll get its toiletries and dog food ready, and I'll pick you up tomorrow. Is this picking me up, or is it fragrant?

Follow me, more wonderful funny strips are waiting for you!

#Funny##搞笑段子 #