Author | Fan Deng Reading · Xu Qinghuan
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Chu Qiao
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Dear book lovers, good evening
Welcome to Fan Deng's reading character column - "Stars".
Reading the Stars Shine · Experience extraordinary life.
One issue per day, welcome your continuous attention~
The protagonist who appeared this year is a recognized fairy companion and model couple in the Chinese literary circles.
He said: She is the wisest wife, the most talented woman. She said: She is The Yang Dai in Qian Zhongshu's life.
They never wanted to get married before they met each other, and after meeting each other, they never regretted walking into the city.
Let's walk into the marriage story of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai
From green silk to whitehead, people will meet many people in this life, some have become cinnabar moles, and some have become mosquito blood;
Some people are together, but their hearts are strange; some people begin to love each other, but they have become a chicken feather.
There is only one couple, in the more than 60 years of marriage, always feel that the people around them are "the best in the world".
They are Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu.
"Qian Zhongshu and I are like-minded couples. We were attracted to each other precisely because we both loved literature and were obsessed with reading. ”
Contemporary writer Bing Xin once commented that Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu are the happiest couples among modern Chinese writers.
The two have walked hand in hand for more than half a century, living into the pride in each other's eyes and a legend in the hearts of the world.
In November 1910, Qian Zhongshu was born in Wuxi's famous Shuxiang Mendi family.
His uncle first named him "Yang Xian", but because he was one year old and "grabbed Zhou", he grabbed a book from a pile of objects and changed his name to "Zhong Shu".
Yang Dai is half a year younger than Qian Zhongshu, the family lives in Wuxi, the ancestors are also people who read, his father Yang Yinhang also studied in the United States and Japan, served as a senior official of the Republic of China government, and later resigned from public office to teach and educate people.
After the two scholars, under the indoctrination of the family, they both have a special love for "reading" and "doing learning", and once they meet, they inevitably attract each other.
In 1932, the 22-year-old Qian Zhongshu and the 21-year-old Yang Dai met for the first time in front of the Guyue Hall of Peking University, and began the Hongyan Biography;
At first, the two only introduced books to each other in letters, and gradually, Qian Zhongshu would send the prose he wrote to Yang Dai to read;
The two began to communicate in English again, and in their appreciation of each other, the two hearts became closer and closer, and the correspondence reached the level of one letter a day.
Qian Zhongshu said to Yang Dai, "I don't have much ambition, I just want to dedicate my life to doing research." ”
Yang Dai suddenly opened up when he heard it: Coincidentally, so am I.
Seeing him or her is like seeing another self in the world, which is probably the so-called "match made in heaven".
After getting married, although the two worked academically, their appreciation for each other never decreased, and Qian Zhongshu thought that Yang Dai's prose was better than his own, and always praised:
"Yang Dai's prose is inherently good, and no one can learn it."
Someone wrote a letter praising Yang Chen, who was happier than his own work was appreciated.
Yang Dai, on the other hand, believes that her prose is too plain, and Qian Zhongshu's works are wonderful, so she is willing to act as the "green leaf" in Qian Zhongshu's life and support his creation with all her strength.
Those who are loved and praised have different faith and different achievements.
Writer Li Xiaoyi wrote in one of her articles that many couples have spent their lives doing each other's "bad evaluators", they are particularly good at finding grooves in each other's little big things, and then start to nag non-stop;
Most of their partners' looks are not good, and they always look depressed;
In the long years of marriage, they broke each other's advantages and became "enemies" who did not appreciate each other and fought each other.
Such a "ring"-style marriage is a huge internal friction.
The story of Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu tells us that husband and wife need to like and appreciate each other.
It is the most convenient and precious nourishment of marriage.
"I think the heaviest relationship between husband and wife is the relationship of friends."
The famous French writer Moroa once said, "Many happy marriages have become true friendships after a few years, and the most beautiful forms of friendship, such as respect and spiritual communication, are available."
Yang Dai's concept of marriage and love is deeply influenced by her parents.
She recalls that their children grew up never hearing their parents quarrel.
There are also old-fashioned couples who do not quarrel, but usually the woman swallows her anger, or the two really have nothing to say.
But Yang Dai's parents are different, they have endless topics, past, present, their own, relatives, and the two often use some allusions that children can't understand.
When children show "want to know" expressions, they will also naughtily stop children from inquiring.
The father was unexpectedly seriously ill, and it was the mother who went around for help and took good care of him;
When my mother died in the escape, my father cried bitterly in the wilderness, writing his name on the coffin, the tiles, and the surrounding trees, afraid that he would not be able to find his wife's burial place later.
Like friends, they talk about everything, and they look at each other like friends.
Yang Dai felt that this was what marriage should look like, so throughout her life, she was acting as the best reader, the best confidant, and the strongest backing of Qian Zhongshu.
When Qian Zhongshu wanted to write "Siege of the City", at first his attitude was still a little hesitant, but Yang Dai urged him to write immediately.
In order to allow Qian Zhongshu to reduce her outside work and devote more time to writing, she dismissed her servants and took care of the housework herself, just to save money on the family.
Watching the weak girl chop wood to cook, and even wave her tiny arms and slimes, making briquettes, Qian Mu couldn't help but sigh that her son was really "stupid and foolish".
Qian Zhongshu, every day after creating a paragraph, first show it to Yang Dai, Yang Dai laughs, he also laughs;
Yang Dai laughed, and he laughed too.
Just by laughing, you know that the flowing water of the mountains has flowed in each other's hearts.
On the day of the siege, Qian Zhongshu wrote in the preface:
"In the past two years, I have been sad and sad, and I have repeatedly wanted to stop, but because Ms. Yang Dai has constantly urged me to block many things for me, save time, and be able to write it with a lot of accumulation."
It is this mutual dependence and mutual support like close friends that has allowed them to work together through many miserable days.
In 1977, at the age of 66, Yang Dai received a new string of keys from the school office, and she and Qian Zhongshu did not have a settled place until their twilight years;
The two people, who had completely settled down, began to read and write quietly according to each other, and perhaps occasionally looked up to exchange their thoughts.
The years are quiet, isn't that what it looks like?
I have endless topics with you, endless joy.
You have difficulty I pull you a hand, I am tired of you carrying me for a ride.
You see the chickens flying and the dogs jumping, but in fact, they have been taking care of each other.
"There is no naturally suitable person in the world, it's just two people slowly changing for each other, you change a little, he changes a little, you can day after day, year after year." 」
When Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu held a wedding, because one was from a new-style family and the other was from an old-style family, they first held a Western-style wedding at the Yang family, and then went to the Qian family to hold a traditional Chinese wedding.
Before the wedding, Qian Zhongshu apologetically told his father-in-law Yang Yinhang that he had to work hard to kowtow more.
Yang Yinhang, who returned from Staying in Yang, was very unhappy, but Yang Dai felt that prostration was just a ritual, and there was not much difference between prostration and bowing.
If both men and women have to worry about these details, then it is better not to get married.
Marriage needs to make concessions to each other, and if you have to worry about who suffers more and who changes more for whom, life will be very tiring.
This is probably the consensus that has been reached when the husband and wife have joined hands.
After marriage, the two embarked on a trip to study in the United Kingdom, in a foreign country, Qian Zhongshu was not accustomed to Western food, Yang Dai learned to "wash his hands to make soup", and groped for qian Zhongshu's favorite braised pork.
Yang Dai used to go to bed late and get up late, and Qian Zhongshu, who went to bed early and got up early, would boil eggs, make good milk tea, bake good bread, use a tray to send to Yang Dai's bed, and gently call her to eat.
This habit also lasted until old age.
In 1938, the couple chose to return to China at the most difficult time of the national fortunes, and Yang Dai was entrusted by his mentor Mr. Wang Jiyu to serve as the principal of Shanghai Zhenhua Girls' School.
Father-in-law Qian Jibo is an old-fashioned literati who is very dismissive of this:
"What is the woman's family conspiring for?" Or homeschoolers. ”
Yang Chen's father was very angry when he heard this, and retorted, "My daughter who has cultivated so much hard, will I give you money and family to be an old mother who does not want to work?" ”。
When parents and wives are at odds, the husband's attitude is particularly important.
Qian Zhongshu, who has always been filial piety, firmly sided with his father-in-law and wife, heard that his wife lacked teachers, and recommended two friends to go over;
During this period, Yang Dai also completed two plays that were popular at the time: "Satisfying the Heart" and "Making False Come True".
It was not until Qian Zhongshu began to write "The Siege of the City" that Yang Dai gave up theatrical creation and turned to full support for her husband, even so, she did not let go of the pace of governance;
In 1958, at the age of forty-seven, Yang Dai began to teach herself Spanish and translated the world famous "Don Quixote", which was published with rave reviews.
In 1978, when the king and queen of Spain visited China, Comrade Deng Xiaoping presented them with a chinese translation of Don Quixote as a state gift.
Since then, the scholarly couple has also begun to publicly "sprinkle dog food" and sign each other's works into a good story.
Teacher Luo Zhenyu once had a highly praised view that the essence of modern marriage is a "co-evolution".
It is to recognize each other's state first, and then put themselves into the relationship, and together to promote the progress of marriage and self-growth.
Co-evolution is not coercive evolution.
Many times, what we want to do most in marriage is to transform the other half according to our own ideas.
But often when people are turning over and exhausted, they find that no one is willing to accept this transformation, and no one is willing to admit that it is good intentions.
A happy marriage is the result of the mutual accommodation between husband and wife and the joint advancement of each other, rather than an indicator imposed by one party on the other.
In the special era of the Republic of China, many stories of talent and beauty were born, and the stories of the intestines were born, and compared with the stories of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Chen, there was not much lingering sympathy, singing and weeping;
It is more about mutual support and mutual affection in ordinary life.
But it is precisely this kind of bland and extraordinary that makes the world moved, sighing "rare, rare again." ”
In an interview in 2011, 100-year-old Mr. Yang Dai talked about his views on marriage:
The happiness of marriage depends on the degree of mutual understanding between the two parties, and understanding can appreciate, attract, support and encourage each other.
Marriage is the cultivation of two people, which requires two people to improve each other, and in the process of upgrading and fighting monsters, they will take care of each other.
Marriage is the tolerance and understanding of two people, which requires respect for differences and the initiation of a "praise system" in learning to appreciate.
Marriage is the co-evolution of two people, and it is necessary to find the goal of common struggle and experience the happiness and "upward feeling" brought by marriage together.
A marriage that can fight together is the marriage with the most vitality.
Click "Watching" and encourage your friends.
Author | Xu Qinghuan, record growth with words, share feelings, and retain time.
Column Director | Cheng zi
Typography | Zheng to the north
Image | The pictures in this article come from the Internet, and are invaded and deleted
Music | Ding Dang - White Head Yin
References | "Hello in the World: Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu" Lin Zhou sang late, "Yang Dai's biography: life is not easy, keep elegant" Zhao Tongtong