Yesterday at a restaurant, the security guard came over and asked, "Is the car at the door yours?" I thought about not driving, wanted to pretend to be forced, and said, "It shouldn't be mine, I don't seem to be parked at the door."

Yesterday at a restaurant, the security guard came over and asked, "Is the car at the door yours?" I thought about not driving, wanted to pretend to be forced, and said, "It shouldn't be mine, I don't seem to be parked at the door." You go and see what the car is, and if it's a Lamborghini, it's mine. After a few minutes, the security guard came back and said, "Sir, it's really a Lamborghini, are you tired of moving it?" "I was blinded at the time!

2. A few days ago, I went shopping with my sister-in-law, and my sister-in-law saw a coat in a clothing store. Tried it on for a while, and it looked good. The salesman praised the sister-in-law vigorously: Beauty, you are beautiful, your figure is good, and you have a unique temperament in wearing this dress. The sister-in-law's personality is more introverted, and the face that is exaggerated by the salesman is red. Then the child said shyly: Don't call me beautiful, please call me a goddess!

3. When I was a child, my mother did not let my father smoke at home, and my father had to go outside every night to smoke. Within a few days, my mother made me a slingshot and trained my skills hard. It was dark that night, and she took me to the back of the house, pointed to a flashing red dot in the distance, and whispered: That's the incense I lit, see how you are! I grabbed the stone, ripped open the leather band and aimed, and with a sigh, the red dot exploded and disappeared! After a while, dad came home with a sausage mouth and said to his mother: Stealing a cigarette and getting a stone...

4 This morning when I was unwell, so I took a leave of absence to go to the pharmacy to get medicine, there were a lot of people at that time, they were all in line, and suddenly I felt that someone had slapped me from behind, so I looked back and found that it was two sisters. One of them smiled at me and said, "I'm sorry, I recognized the wrong person..." I looked back and ignored it, but it seemed to hear one of them say, "Isn't that handsome?" ”

5 When the brothers ate with me today, they couldn't help but complain: There are more and more profiteers now! Me: What happened? Dude: Yesterday I bought a bucket of instant noodles, the owner said to use boiling water to soak for ten minutes to eat, I came home and soaked in boiling water for more than half an hour without opening, with my teeth can not bite at all. Me: What kind of instant noodles is this! And then what? Dude: I took the instant noodles to the shopkeeper to settle the account, the shopkeeper told me," big brother, you are eating instant noodles for the first time, you should tear open the packaging bag and soak it, otherwise, you can't soak it for a year!" ”

6 After receiving the acceptance letter from the foreign company, I happily called my ex-girlfriend to invite her to dinner. The ex-girlfriend, like before, chose a very expensive seafood hotel. I raised my glass and said to her, "Xiaomei, without your encouragement, I would not be where I am today!" "After saying that, the waiter brought a large wave of shrimp, bread crab, caviar... Happy, it was hard to squander once, there were about 6,000 at a meal, watching my ex-girlfriend eat vigorously, I told her that I would go to the toilet first, and then shut down and leave. I can imagine what will happen next! The great revenge has been repaid, and the rivers and lakes have not been seen...

7. The second generation of the rich took ten cigarettes to soft Chinese, and five boxes of five grains of liquid went to the old man's house to propose to him. The old man agreed, and before leaving, he said to fu erdai: "After that, my daughter will be handed over to you, she is more willful and cruel, and it can even be said that she will only run into trouble..." Before the old man could finish speaking, the second generation of the rich man went up and slapped him: "Who allowed you to say bad things about my woman?" Then the rich second generation got married a few months early!

8. My wife and three male colleagues went on a business trip for a week, no one took care of me, and after work, I took a colleague to drink and celebrate. We asked for a case of beer, and the waiter looked down on him and said: The wine in our shop is not refundable. Colleagues all scolded this as the overlord clause, I said forget it, said to the waiter: then come to a bottle first! When the wine came, I divided the wine, let everyone dry it, and then called the waiter to have another bottle, and then divided it up. So tossed 10 times, the manager came, laughed and said: Do you come to a box to drink first, and if you can't finish drinking, we will return?

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