My friend Tingting asked me for help, her children are more than three years old, basic life like eating, dressing, drinking water and other simple things can not be done, the reason is that there is a pet child, love the child's grandmother.
Grandma to take care of the grandchildren can be described as "meticulous", eating afraid of the grandson is hot, first to blow the grandson cold and then feed, wear clothes, wear shoes is not to let the grandson do it. Whenever Tingting told the child's grandmother, "The child can eat and dress by himself, let the child do it by himself", the grandmother always ignored it, and said in front of the grandson, this mother is too cruel, let the child do everything by herself.
My advice to Tingting is: the child is three years old, and it is time to send it to the kindergarten after the new year.
The old man loves the child, is reluctant to let the child do it himself, and is eager to do everything for the child. However, from the perspective of children's growth, doing so is not conducive to children's growth.
A kindergarten teacher said that according to her observation, when it comes to kindergartens, there are generally two kinds of children with poor self-care ability, one is that there are elderly people at home to help with children, and the other is that the family situation is good and there are nannies at home.
In fact, from the age of one or two, parents must guide their children to grow up independently.
If the child's "drive", which is closely linked to "spontaneity", is not fully cultivated, then the loss to the child will be enormous. Such a statement applies not only to the elderly who spoil their children, but also to parents who are overprotective of their children.
Children grow up day by day, parents should learn to let go, only parents let go, children can explore themselves, grow themselves, grow independently.
When a child says, "I do it myself," respect your child's choice
In fact, children like to try some things on their own, such as eating, dressing, walking, etc., children hope that they can control themselves, but we parents often like to meddle in children's affairs.
"It's too dangerous to move."
"Eating by yourself will stain your clothes, or feed yourself."
"It's too slow, why don't you help mom and dad?"
......
Parents always demand their children according to the standards of adults, thus depriving children of the opportunity to be autonomous.
When the child says to us, "I want to do it myself," this is a manifestation of the child's own "drive." Even if parents know that their children can't do it or do it well, they should also pay attention to this "challenge spirit" of their children.
The "spirit of challenge" is very important for the stimulation of children's "motivation".
Parents may wish to respect their children's choices, quietly observe how their children do it themselves, and let the children "challenge" themselves. When the child can not do well no matter how he tries, he will take the initiative to seek help from the parents, at which time the parents will extend a helping hand to the child and solve the problem with the child.
Don't meddle, don't interject, and leave it completely to the child
My child is in elementary school, and the teacher often assigns some homework such as hand-copied newspapers and mind maps.
In the lower grades, in order to save time, I often helped the children cook. In the upper grades, I want to let the children do it themselves and no longer rely on me, so I tell the children to do it themselves.
However, I am worried that the child is doing too slowly, or the composition at the beginning is not arranged, and then rework later, I will see from time to time how the child is doing, and I will not be able to control the child to point out some problems.
As a result, the child was very opposed to my guidance and told me that since he had let him do it himself, he should stop talking and just finish it himself.
Later, I found out that my worries were actually superfluous. Without my nagging and guidance, the child can do a great job.
So, my advice to parents is "walk without words".
The so-called "wordless deeds" is to face everything in the child's life, as long as the child can do it, let the child do it himself, do not give orders, do not interject and do not interfere.
I know that this is difficult for parents to do, but even if it is difficult, parents must restrain themselves, only in this way, children can grow better.
Parents can start with the small daily things
Many parents say that they will let go, but in fact, they are always unconsciously helping their children to do everything that should be done by their children.
The sooner the child develops good habits of autonomy and self-discipline, the better the child's growth.
First of all, what parents have to do is to eat and dress in their lives.
After the child is two years old, parents must let the child learn to do his own things. Because you enter kindergarten at the age of three, the teacher cannot feed your child every day, nor can he help your child get dressed every day.
Therefore, before the child goes to kindergarten, these basic skills should be mastered by the child.
Second, give up waking your child up countless times a day.
Some parents will shout many times a day in order to get their children up, and the children are still as stable as Tarzan in bed.
In fact, it is better to give the child an alarm clock, set a time with the child, and let the child wake himself up.
Don't worry about your child being late for school, once or twice late is nothing, just communicate with the teacher. Let the child bear the burden of lying in bed, the criticism of the teacher and the ridicule of the classmates after the late arrival.
Such setbacks are also a valuable experience for children, and the child's sense of responsibility will be stronger, and thus produce the "motivation" to no longer make mistakes.
Of course, letting go is not letting go. Although the child may be slow or messy at first, the child's "spontaneity" will grow little by little in this process, and will gradually form his own thinking and begin to act on it.