Author: Creative Group Shinoda
What are the daily hobbies of middle-aged fathers?
Not long ago, a short video was brushed on Weibo, teaching people to laugh and laugh and be silent.
A group of kindergarten children lined up in front of the camera to answer the teacher's question: "What does your dad like to do the most?" "The children are childlike and frank one by one.
Among the various answers, "smoking, drinking, playing mobile phones, playing games" accounted for the majority; "cleaning, cooking, exercising" and other relatively "pleasing"; and only one little girl's answer made people feel warm: "My father likes to play with me."
After the video was released, netizens talked about it. There were two messages that were particularly memorable: "I only saw sadness, few normal fathers." "The little girl who said her father liked to play with her, she was so happy."
For children, having a father who accompanies them all the way up is a great blessing in life. Unfortunately, in real life, widowhood is still so common; there are still so many fathers who are not good at education.
What does it mean for a good dad to have a good companion?
There is such a treasure father in Zhengzhou, Henan, who was recently praised by the People's Daily on the hot search. His name is Zhang Shuai, and he is a post-80s generation. When his daughter was three years old, in order to let the children play less electronic products and have a higher quality childhood, he opened the hardcore pet mode. Because he had always liked to do handicrafts, he began to change the pattern and make toys for his daughter himself. Cartons, mineral water bottles, styrofoam boxes... These waste items have been processed by him and turned into interesting and intellectual toys.
Today, Zhang Shuai has made more than two hundred toys for his daughter. He also became the omnipotent superhuman father in his daughter's eyes.
In the face of the interview, the five-year-old girl said happily: "Playing with my father, I have fun playing everything." ”
Willing to make toys for children, willing to play games with children, and leave all his free time for children. A father's most affectionate love is this. And the significance of this father's love to the child is even more extraordinary.
Can't help but think of Liang Qichao. He was a famous thinker, politician, and educator in the Republic of China, and despite his heavy responsibilities and busy work, he never forgot to care about the growth of each child. Even if the children are studying outside, Liang Qichao often communicates with them in the form of letters, understands their lives and studies, provides his own advice on every major life event, and never hesitates to express his love.
In those letters, he once confessed affectionately to his children: "You must know that your father is the most emotional person, and his love for you is twelve points warm..." It is these bits of love that make Liang Qichao's nine children deeply influenced by their fathers in a subtle way, and each one has become a pillar of strength - architect Liang Sicheng, archaeologist Liang Siyong, rocket expert Liang Sili...
"Three academicians in one discipline, nine sons are dragons and phoenixes", behind this good story, it is inseparable from the full support of a father.
The psychologist Fromm once said: "Fathers are the ones who educate their children and point them out the way to the world." ”
It is true that father's love may not be so sensual and delicate than maternal love; but what it can give to children is often a broader vision and pattern, a stronger heart and quality, and a more sound mind and three views.
The careful companionship of the father will be an extremely valuable asset in the process of children's growth, so that their road to success will harvest more surprises.
The fairy father of "other people's family" will always attract the envy of countless parents. In contrast, the following kinds of dads seem to be more common around us.
1. Invisible Dad
According to the survey data of the first "White Paper on Family Parent-Child Companionship" in China, "55.8% of families are mothers who accompany their children every day. Only 12.6 per cent and 16.5 per cent of households with more or as many parents accompanied by their parents. Fathers spend 2.9 hours on weekdays and 7.7 hours on weekends, much lower than mothers' 4.6 hours and 10.9 hours. ”
How many fathers, busy with careers, socializing and making money, have missed every key node in their children's growth.
I once saw a news that there is a father in Chenzhou, Hunan Province, who is busy with work on weekdays and rarely has time to spend with his son.
Once, after he returned from a business trip, he quietly went to pick up his son from school, hoping to surprise the child. At that time, he followed his son all the way and couldn't help but shout. When the boy found his father, his eyes lit up.
Immediately, he said sincerely, "Dad, I'm thinking of you in my dreams!" Before he could finish speaking, his eyes were already filled with tears, and he almost cried out.
The child's reaction made everyone sad. It turns out that for children, what they really care about is not money, not material conditions, but having a father who can accompany them when they grow up!
Gesell, a young child psychologist, once said: "The loss of paternal love is a defect and imbalance in the development of human feelings." ”
A child grows up only once, and once it is missed, it is never there again. Invisible dads, will they eventually regret it?
2. Violent dads
A few days ago, a video of a young boy in Yichun, Jiangxi Province, being beaten by his father for making a mistake, was exposed online.
In the shot, the father is seen holding up a belt in his hand, and the fierce god viciously beats the child to death. Accompanied by the boy's heart-rending cries, the whole scene made people can't bear to look at it directly.
It is understood that the child is beaten by his father every week. At present, the police have been involved in the investigation.
It is said that tiger poison does not eat children, but some fathers believe in "filial piety under the stick", often beating and cursing their children, and educating their children in this simple and rude form.
As everyone knows, this method seems to have an immediate effect, but the harm to children is infinite. Countering violence with violence will eventually ruin a child's life.
In addition, compared to fierce scolding, there is a more covert way of violence, which cannot be ignored, that is, cold violence. As Mr. Bingxin said, "Father's love is silent, and if you feel it, it is not Father's love." ”
Many dads aren't very expressive. They tend to be taciturn and introverted, and lack communication with their children. But in fact, this is not good for the growth of the child.
Studies have shown that "people who experience cold violence and emotional abuse as children are more likely to be violent when they grow up; and they are also more likely to adopt impulsive, irresponsible ways when it comes to solving problems." ”
Love, only by flowing can you feel the temperature. What the child really wants is definitely not an indifferent father.
3. Authoritarian Dad
Earlier, a survey by the China Youth Daily Social Survey Center showed that "75.4% of respondents felt that their parents were too strong, and 35.7% of the respondents had strong fathers." ”
This strength is mainly reflected in: strong control, no objection, love to blame children, everything must obey its arrangement. Always centering on one's own will and imposing it on one's children is the practice of many fathers.
As everyone knows, behind this high-ranking and one-of-a-kind tyranny is the shadowy childhood memories of children.
As one of the questions on Zhihu asks, "What is it like to have a very strong father?" The answer of a netizen represents the voice of many people: "It is an experience to die for." At home, he always can't let go, cowers, and plays an obedient good boy with a mask. ”
However, this obedience is exchanged for suppressing one's own heart and pleasing others. Under the authoritarian and powerful authority of the father, how can a child be happy and confident to be himself?
Japanese writer Kotaro Isaka once said, "It's terrifying to think that parents don't need exams." Fortunately, from January 1 this year, the Law of the People's Republic of China on the Promotion of Family Education came into force. This means that from now on, the era of parents "bringing babies according to law" has officially opened the curtain.
It should be emphasized that bringing a baby is not just a patent for mothers. In today's society, the importance and necessity of fathers' involvement in parenting is more prominent than ever.
If you want to become a good father, it is very important to continuously improve your parenting philosophy and knowledge reserves, and make progress with your wife and children.
New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy) transmits the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.