In their children's education, parents want their children to be confident. However, due to the unreasonable family education of some parents, children have an inferiority complex in the process of growing up. And a child with low self-esteem, it is difficult to become excellent, and it is not easy to achieve outstanding results in learning and work.
Harvard psychologist Sean Cooper spent 5 years studying every area of psychology in order to be able to figure out ways to overcome inferiority. Cooper reminds parents that if the child has these 6 signs, it means that your education has caused the child's inferiority, and parents should always pay attention to the child's mental health.
01
Children are always cowering when they do things.
If the parents' education method is rough and simple, and they can't help but scold the child, it will cause the child to be inferior, so that the child will be afraid of what he does.
Poisoned Parents writes:
No child is willing to admit that they are worse than others, they want to be affirmed by adults, people who often suffer from parental blows, are often prone to inferiority, and fall into emotions of self-doubt and self-denial, and when they are serious, they will suffer from psychological diseases, resulting in many extreme behaviors.
Because children lack confidence in themselves, they are afraid that they do not have the ability to do a good job, do not dare to try easily, and because of inferiority, they are particularly afraid of the eyes of others and afraid of being looked down upon.
Therefore, there are obstacles in the heart, doing things and talking, unlike children with self-confidence, full of a sense of control. Instead, they cowered and cowered, afraid that they would not do a good job.
02
Children are too sensitive.
Some children are particularly concerned about other people's views of themselves, and sometimes others will recognize their children as troubled for a long time without an unintentional word. "Did I say the wrong thing," "Did I offend him?" I'm useless. ”
In fact, the fundamental reason why children are so sensitive is that children are inferior and unconfident, stemming from the psychology of "they are useless" and "all their fault".
03
Children are flattering personalities.
Children with pleasing personalities, pleasing and pandering to others, is because they are inferior in their hearts and feel that they are not worthy, so in order to win the favor of others, they please others everywhere.
In "The Life of the Rejected Pine Nuts", Matsuko is a typical flattering personality, Matsuko has not received her father's attention and love since she was a child, and she has always been inferior in her heart, occasionally making a grimace, so that her father showed a smile to her. Since then, Matsuko has developed the habit of making grimaces. Matsuko's character of always trying to please others has created her miserable life.
04
Picky about others.
Children with low self-esteem, who do not trust others, and like to criticize others are not, this is a mechanism for their self-protection, and it is also a way to comfort themselves with a sense of superiority. It is a child with low self-esteem who obtains a psychological self-consolation by being critical of others.
For example, if a child with low self-esteem does not do well in the exam, he will fall into a state of self-blame for being too poor, and at the same time, in order to make himself feel better, he will think like this, "Although I did not do well in the exam, the math at the same table did not do well, and I did the right thing, and he was wrong." ”
05
Be mindful of money.
If parents restrict their children's money everywhere when they are young, they will also make their children feel inferior and make their children feel that their families are inferior to others.
In the theory of "Childhood Shadows", Feineud proposed that the environment in which childhood is not satisfied and cries poor will make people inferior and more difficult to stand on their own when they grow up.
A friend's child, every time his classmate asked him out to play, he refused. Friends asked him the reason, the child said that once he went out to play with his classmates, the classmates ate what they wanted, and bought what they wanted, but he did not dare, because there was no money in his pocket, although the classmates did not laugh at him in person, he felt very inferior in his heart, and he never went out to play with his classmates again.
It is because they feel inferior in terms of money, they pay special attention to money and think about money.
06
Children are too sensible.
Many parents think that their children are sensible, they are well educated, what parent does not want their children to be sensible? However, children are too sensible to resist their parents. Instead, it is obedient to the parents in everything, and it may be that the child is inferior, afraid that he does not understand things, and will lose the love and attention of his parents.
The well-known author Han Dajia wrote in the article "Behind the Understanding is a Deep Inferiority":
"Sensible is a poison, and once that impression is formed, it will kidnap you to stick with it." Because I have long known that a bear child will make people praise him if he does a heart-warming thing.
And a sensible child who does something out of the ordinary will disappoint his parents and abandon his previous achievements. Therefore, sometimes we must persevere to the end with the aura of "understanding" and constantly tolerate it.
Behind the discovery of sensible things is a deep inferiority complex. I felt that I could lose at any time and did not dare to fight, so I always lived carefully. "
Professor Li Meijin said: Every behavior and psychology of children must be related to the parents' education methods.
Children's inferiority, will seriously affect the child's life, parents if they find that the child has the above performance, they must reflect on their own education methods, with affirmation and encouragement to cultivate children's self-confidence.