People say that home and everything is happy, but to achieve home and harmony, it is not as simple as we think.
The premise of home and everything is that the family is reasonable, reasonable, willing to pay, and only pay is rewarded, not selfish, just want to take advantage. Cheap and more, unfair to others, others can not bear it, naturally will fall out with you, the family is difficult to harmonize.
Montegni once said, "The trouble of managing a family is no less than governing a country." ”
Sometimes, you treat each other as family, want to get along with them, they not only do not treat you as family, but also treat you as a soft persimmon, all day long only thinking about how to get benefits from you, when you meet such a family, if you do not have thorns in your body, you may become the basis for the other party to bully you.
As Yan Rujing said in "Strange Flowers": "Patience in marriage has a time limit, forbearance is called calm and calm for a while, forbearance for a lifetime, all depends on fate." ”
Running a marriage and a family, you really need to be tolerant, you can't casually make a small character, ask others to hold you, but you can't blindly tolerate, hold each other, let the other party have an illusion that no matter how you are angry with you, you will not leave me.
01. My mother told me with her own experience that women have no temper and will be bullied by people who kick their noses and face;
Ma Shan was ridden by people, and people were deceived by people, and this truth was vividly reflected in Qin Yao's aunt and Qin Yao's mother.
Qin Yao's mother is the second daughter in the family, has a sister, two younger brothers, in the eyes of her parents, she and her sister are the two younger brothers' cash machine and cash cow, not only was deprived of the qualification to go to school, forced to go out to work to subsidize the family, even lifelong events can not be their own decisions.
"My eldest aunt, as the eldest daughter, was brainwashed by the feudal ideas of the eldest sister like a mother, and obeyed her grandparents' words, not only marrying a grumpy, wifeless man who had money at every turn but had money in exchange for two uncles to study and marry their wives. After getting married, my grandparents often let my aunt take money for the family, causing my aunt to be beaten many times. ”
Fortunately, grandpa and grandmother failed to successfully brainwash Qin Yao's mother, on the contrary, Qin Yao's mother was very dissatisfied with her parents' patriarchal behavior, not only desperately fighting, but also giving herself the opportunity to marry her sweetheart, but also facing the oppression of her mother's family, her temper became harder and harder.
"I remember once, my grandparents came to my house to ask for money, and if they didn't give money, they were going to die in my house, and my mother took out a kitchen knife from the house, put it on the table, and said that she didn't want any money, and no one should think about it anymore, and they couldn't do anything to my mother." 」
Qin Yao's mother fixed a maintenance fee to her grandparents every year, sending some gifts every New Year's Day, if the two elderly people were sick, they would also give a quarter of their strength, in addition, they would never give any money to their mother-in-law' family. Qin Yao's father was soft-hearted, could not stand the cries of his father-in-law and mother-in-law, gave it several times, was known by his wife, and jointly kissed his mother a stinky scolding.
"Because of the very different attitudes towards my mother's family, my aunt's life in her in-laws' house was worse than death, she was beaten by her husband, scolded by her in-laws, and did not dare to divorce, and my grandparents did not let me." My mom was the eldest in the house, and my grandparents listened to her, let alone my dad. ”
"Women have no temper, they will be bullied by people who kick their noses in the face, remember, no matter who they are, they must have a temper." If he is good to you, you will be gentle and be kind to each other. He is not good to you, wants to take advantage of you, you let him not only get no benefits, but also lost a lot, you see he still dares to bully you? ”
02. When my mother-in-law asked me to serve the 14 people to eat, he turned a blind eye;
When it comes to his own experience, Qin Yao regrets that he did not listen to his parents before he got married, and suffered losses in front of him.
"The first time my husband came to the door, my mother talked to him for a while and then objected to our marriage, on the grounds that he opened his mouth and closed his mouth because I wanted to ask my mother, a man who had no opinion." 」
"I asked him if he planned to settle in the provincial city, and he said that his mother felt that the housing prices in the provincial city were high and could not afford it, and suggested that he go back to his hometown. I asked him about buying a house, and he said that if he went back to his hometown, his house would be big enough to live in and be closer to his parents. No, marry such a man, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be less. ”
However, Qin Yao was blinded by love at that time, refused to listen to his parents' advice, and insisted on marrying. Qin Yao's mother had to give in, but insisted on a bottom line, that is, to ask for a house. In the end, the two families each paid a sum of money and bought a house for the younger family.
Usually do not live with the in-laws, Qin Yao's life is quite good, except that the man still has no opinion after becoming a father, and when he encounters something, he has to call his mother-in-law to make her feel unhappy, other things are okay, but when he returned to his in-laws' house last year, Qin Yao understood how terrible it was to marry a man who had no opinion.
"Plus us, there are 14 people in the family, those people are coaxing, to taste Qin Yao's cooking skills, my mother-in-law pushed me into the kitchen, let me perform well." At first, I didn't think much about it, after all, I had been married for two years, and the first time I came back, I could show my hands, so I prepared a table for everyone, and when they praised me, I was very happy. ”
However, when Qin Yao knew that the cooking tasks of a total of 27 meals in the next nine days belonged to her, she felt very angry. She went to her husband for judgement and asked him to give her justice, in exchange for a rebuke from her husband.
"New Year's Day, can you not add to the blockage for my parents?" Do you understand filial piety? Honor the old man and listen to the old man. My mother is right, my daughter-in-law needs to be adjusted, otherwise she will never understand things. ”
03. After a bad ride, neither my husband nor my in-laws dared to force me to do anything anymore;
Plugging? Not filial piety? Need to adjust? Hearing her husband's words, Qin Yao felt angry.
"I gave him a chance, he wouldn't protect me, and I remembered my mother's advice. I am not a soft persimmon to be bullied, although I don't want to be a shrew, but I also don't want to be a good wife and mother who is kicked in the nose and bullied to death. ”
Qin Yao first calmed himself down and thought about countermeasures. If possible, she would have liked to smash the kitchen and get angry, but she knew that she was now in her in-laws' house and was not the opponent of so many people.
So, Qin Yao pretended to be cooking, found a reason to go to his room to find something, took the mobile phone and the bag he carried, slipped away, directly stopped a taxi, went to the train station, and bought the fastest train ticket to return to her mother's house. As for their sons, Qin Yao did not take them away, and they would not treat their grandson badly anyway.
"They sent me messages, I ignored them, and I didn't reply to my husband until the train left, asking him to come to my mother's house after the New Year and discuss the divorce with me." I reminded him that his son was only one year old and that he didn't want to fight with me for custody. ”
Seeing that his wife was about to divorce, Qin Yao's husband panicked, as Qin Yao said, the child is young, Qin Yao's salary is not lower than her husband, and the chances of winning the battle for custody are very high, so Qin Yao's husband and in-laws have not passed even a year, and rushed to Qin Yao's mother's house to apologize.
"My dad disciplined him for three hours, he didn't dare to say a word, honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that my son was still young and there was a cooling off period for divorce, I really wanted a divorce." However, fortunately, after a soaring, the New Year's mother-in-law no longer dared to ask me to serve the 14 people to eat. This year I want to go back to my mother-in-law's house, my husband did not dare to say a word, honestly bought a gift, entrusted me to give it to my father-in-law and mother-in-law. ”
04. If gentleness can't be exchanged for a good life, then be spicy, and living a good life is the most important.
Teacher Tu Lei said: "A man without an opinion is a combination of Ma Bao Male and Giant Baby Boy, once the mother-in-law does not wait to see you after marriage, you will have endless quarrels, endless vegetable markets, endless housework, and endless anger." ”
When you meet a man who has no opinion, open your mouth and shut up, "Listen to my mother", if you follow him, his arrogance with his mother-in-law will be more arrogant, and your situation will be more passive. You know, people's desires are endless, you get a good thing, will you be satisfied, see better things like water? Everyone wants good things, and the more they expect, the better.
Therefore, in the face of better things, they will be more greedy, reach out to you further, hold the idea of transforming your interests into theirs, test your bottom line, and fish out greater benefits for themselves, unless you are mad and let them taste the bitter fruit, or you have no use value and are abandoned by them.
If gentleness can't be exchanged for a good day, then be spicy, and living a good life is the most important. The face image is all virtual, and it is most important to be comfortable and uncomfortable.
END.
Today's Topic: Do you think it's important for women to have tempers in marriage? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.