Cultivate the most interesting and practical psychology every day
Some people think that marriage is the sublimation of love, and some people think that marriage is the graveyard of love, and different people have different views on this.
Data show that in 2012, the number of registered marriages after the 90s did not exceed 10 million pairs, accounting for about 10% of the entire population, which is still quite surprising. The reasons for this are diverse, so let's talk about this topic from the perspective of concept today.
For countless people after the 90s, it is a beat generation, but as far as marriage is concerned, it is not young people who have collapsed, but the traditional concept of marriage that is full of mistakes.
From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, the essence of marriage is similar to the courtship behavior that occurs in human society, and the establishment of marriage often means the birth of a small family to consolidate the relationship.
This helps to defend against possible external threats and provides better resources for the survival and reproduction of future generations, and together they can ensure the future development of the family.
In primitive societies, for example, because men had stronger bodies and strength, they had to take on the task of hunting; while women often stayed at home to take care of their children and do some weaving or farming work.
Therefore, it has slowly evolved into the traditional concept of "male outside, female inside". This is affected by the difference in the innate body shape of men and women, and through the distribution of different gender roles, the family is more stable.
In today's society, we are no longer as fully manual labor as in primitive societies, and as education levels increase, women and men tend to have the same educational and job opportunities.
Even if women are not predominantly physically, they still have the opportunity to get a job through their own efforts, rather than being a housewife entirely at home.
For men, the protection they provide with women can also be diverse, not only physically strong, but also companionship or emotional value.
Therefore, for people in today's society, marriage has more choices, and the traditional role allocation is no longer so deeply rooted in people's hearts.
This also causes that in the process of choosing a partner, there may be more criteria to measure the other party, rather than just looking at whether the other party is strong and can be relied on.
In addition, in China's traditional social culture, parents have a relatively large decision-making power in a marriage relationship and will give a lot of advice to the parties.
In life, we will also see such examples, due to the opposition of parents, some marriages often end up unhappy and break up. For elders, they have richer life experience, so they will think that their judgment is correct.
And, because some parents are overly concerned about their children, whether it is work or the choice of partner, they want to make decisions for their children and put them on a path that they think is absolutely right.
But in fact, many times, only the parties themselves know what the situation is, and only we know what kind of person the other half is.
After all, for an intimate relationship, we are not looking for the best one, but the one that we feel is suitable enough for us.
There may be no obvious shining point on the other party, but at a certain moment, the other party may be deeply impressed by certain behaviors, and it is also at that time that this person feels that this person can accompany him for a lifetime.
And parents do not know that we have had these experiences, so they will subjectively ignore these important factors, blindly choose the so-called door-to-door partner, often in the future together may appear more problems, more than worth the loss.
For the post-90s generation, because they are a generation that grew up with the rise of the Internet, they receive a variety of information and opinions every day, so they will have a more critical consciousness and the ability to think independently.
For marriage, they will think about what this marriage can bring to themselves, and they will judge whether the other party is worthy of their lifelong trust in the process of constantly running in with their partners.
They are no longer as self-sacrificing as they are in the traditional conception of marriage, so they become reluctant to settle down and want to wait until the right person appears.
On the other hand, the post-90s generation is also becoming more and more independent, whether it is a man or a woman, may spend more time and energy on self-improvement and work, and even some people will feel that even without the security of marriage, they can live a like and comfortable life.
In addition, due to the accelerated pace of life, people may be exposed to more of the opposite sex in their lives, so they will face more choices. For marriage, it is becoming more and more cautious.
However, in general, compared with the traditional concept of marriage and love, the post-90s generation has more of their own thinking and choices, and they also have the ability to bear their own choices, so it is understandable that they are not in a hurry to get married.
As far as the current situation of marriage is concerned, many people feel that the post-90s generation is very selfish, only to enjoy themselves, rather than saying that the more young people live, the more selfish, it is better to say that they are more and more sober, more and more unwilling to settle.
So we don't have to feel too anxious, after all, the whole society is no longer the same as before, most people will enter the marriage in their early 20s.
But when people choose to enter a marriage relationship after more consideration and growth, such a cautious decision may predict a happier family relationship, which is also a good outcome.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205