[This article is excerpted from the group work of Gou Xu, Shang Haishun, Cheng Sheng, and Liu Zhao, who are selected courses at Peking University. The instructor is Li Tonggui, School of Psychology and Cognitive Science, Peking University. Most of the images come from the internet. Copyright belongs to the students. If you need to reprint, please contact this column. Unauthorized, please do not reprint】
Will long-distance couples have a future?!
Ying xing University School of Medicine
Shang Haishun School of Government and Management, Peking University
Beijing University School of Medicine
Zhao Liu, School of Urban and Environmental Sciences, Peking University
For many students, entering college for the first time means separation from their lovers, and these freshmen can only meet each other on the screen, which has a negative impact on their psychology and even physiology. How is their long-distance relationship? What are the crises in love? This article discusses the basic situation of long-distance relationships of freshmen college students, analyzes the security of this intimate relationship, the contradictions of long-distance relationships, etc., and puts forward corresponding suggestions.
Keywords: security; college students; love triangle theory; adult attachment theory; social media; evolutionary psychology
1. Introduction
Having just been liberated from the heavy schoolwork of high school, college students also need to seek spiritual support while completing their academic tasks. At the same time, the development of the network also supports the expansion of online dating, which can make up for some regrets of "the mountains and seas that are loved". Nowadays, long-distance relationships are becoming more and more common among young college students, and the relationship problems that arise with them are becoming more and more prominent. The distance beyond the electronic screen means that the emotions of the two sides are out of sync, and the lack of real communication accumulates disappointment after disappointment. College students are in a critical stage of life, mental development is not yet fully mature, love experience is insufficient, in the face of a situation in a different place, college students' psychology and even physiology will cause negative effects. Therefore, the methods or strategies for maintaining long-distance relationships and the correct attitude towards long-distance relationships should be paid attention to.
This study defines long-distance love as: due to the long geographical distance, lovers can not meet every day, most of the daily communication is computer or information technology as the intermediary communication, only a small part of the face-to-face communication can have close contact, such a relationship is a long-distance relationship. Based on the theory of adult attachment, this research report focuses on the views of young college students on long-distance relationships, and aims to provide some help for college students in long-distance relationships.
2. Research methods
In this study, we selected 167 respondents, mainly freshmen, and the rest were a small number of other undergraduates. Through data analysis, we analyze the combined background of different problems from the perspectives of love triangle theory, adult attachment theory, evolutionary psychology, etc., and combine them with literature to expound.
3. Results and analysis
3.1 Security in long-distance relationships
The survey subjects are average age 19 years old, in the long-distance relationship experience of college students, there are 31 male students, 30 female students, with a score of 6 points to see 1 to 6 points as "security failed", more than 6 points as "security passing" Data show that about 72.1% of the respondents "security passed", about 77.4% of the survey subjects among boys "security passed", about 60% of the survey subjects among girls "security passed". The average score for security was 7.4, 8.0 for boys and 6.8 for girls. Boys have 2.5 times more secure scores than girls.
From the data, it can be concluded that young college students around the age of 19 who are in long-distance relationships have a high proportion of "safe passing", and boys' security scores are higher, and the number of full scores is also higher. According to the love triangle theory proposed by american psychologist Sternberg, love is composed of three basic components: passion, intimacy and commitment. Passion mainly refers to the sexual desire component in the process of love, which is difficult to be satisfied in long-distance love; intimacy refers to the warm experience that can be caused in love relationships, it seems that long-distance love is separated by a certain distance, there is no actual contact, and it is difficult to satisfy; commitment refers to the guarantee of maintaining the relationship, in modern society, long-distance lovers in long-distance love "life should come back, death when Sauvignon Blanc" The vow becomes the pretext of "Aquaman", and the promise of long-distance love is more dangerous and seems to be equally unsatisfied. However, this is obviously contrary to the data, and the sense of security of these young college students participating in the survey is not low, and it is obvious that they must start from the perspective of the heart to explain this problem.
First of all, the above logic ignores the highly information-based era we are in, lovers in different places on the information superhighway can talk "zero distance", and the popular use of social media such as WeChat allows long-distance lovers to share their lives. First of all, starting from the passion of the love triangle theory, passion is generated by sexual desire, long-distance lovers can not physically contact, at most that is, audio-visual interaction, can not meet the traditional sense of the sexual desire of both sides, but this distance communication to a certain extent makes the two sides become sexual fantasy objects, making the two sides more perfect in each other's minds, to a certain extent similar to modern people's love for "paper people", long-distance lovers become each other's "paper people" [1], to meet the needs of passion Then as far as the intimacy of the love triangle theory is concerned, the intimacy of long-distance love is mainly carried out online, and with the help of developed social media, this can actually be done, but bringing warmth to each other cannot be like normal lovers, which is indeed a major problem faced by long-distance love; and finally there is the problem of commitment, commitment is guarantee, that is, mutual trust, this trust can be done through each other's honesty, because the convenience of communication, if life is transparent to each other, can also meet this condition.
It can be seen that long-distance love in the information age is different from the ancient tradition of the prodigal son, more reliable, and most of our survey subjects are first-year students, others are mostly sophomores, they are mostly with high school classmates for long-distance relationships, and high school clearly prohibits early love, their relationship is mostly formally determined after the college entrance examination, the first entry into the university has produced a series of drifting loneliness, and the two rely on each other, the relationship is further. The suspension bridge effect refers to the fact that when a person crosses the suspension bridge in fear, his heart will involuntarily beat faster. If at this time, he happens to meet another person, then he will mistakenly understand the rapid heartbeat caused by this situation as the physiological reaction of the other party to make his heart move, so he breeds love feelings for each other, and they just use the "suspension bridge effect" to sprout a stronger love in the midst of many difficulties. By stacking BUFF, the proportion of "security passing" people in long-distance relationships reached the results of the experiment, but there are still many experimental subjects with "security failure", indicating that the mutilated impact of the love triangle is still not small.
Nearly 40% of girls "fail to secure", and the number of people who score full scores is much less than that of boys, this huge difference can be explained by evolutionary psychology, in evolutionary psychology, men and women have fundamental differences, female life in infancy to pay more parental investment, has valuable reproductive resources, she chooses a partner is the biggest investment in life, she is more concerned about whether men are single-minded, to ensure the smooth growth of offspring, while men are different, their biggest task is to spread their leaves and pass on their genes , so it's easier to give a high score on the long-distance relationship's security score. In addition, this study surveyed the behaviors that make long-distance lovers feel anxious or uneasy, this time the sample is larger, and includes 161 people who have had no love experience, of which 127 and 103 people are not acceptable to the two major behaviors of "vague words, non-disclosure or little disclosure of their lives" and "not returning to WeChat", covering almost all, "not returning to WeChat" and "vague words" are two different betrayals, and "not returning to WeChat" is a lack of passion from the analysis of the love triangle. Intimacy and commitment have completely disappeared, because WeChat can be said to be the only contact information for long-distance lovers (if you don't return to WeChat, you won't return to QQ, don't answer the phone), which most likely means a break in love, which is even more frightening in long-distance love, because it is more difficult to recover, "mourning is greater than heart death" is a crisis of feelings; and "vague words, do not disclose or rarely reveal their lives" is another situation, according to the love triangle theory, commitment is an important link, long-distance lovers trust is indispensable, vague words, What does it mean not to reveal or rarely reveal your life? Most likely in contact with other members of the opposite sex, love is exclusive, it's a naked betrayal, and both high-frequency options can cause the love triangle to collapse.
Similarly, on another issue investigated at the same time, there is a similar one-sided situation, this problem is a behavior that can bring security, in which the option of actively sharing their emotions or hearts wins a 90.7% choice rate, and the unreliable "Aquaman" behavior of promising this unreliable "Aquaman" behavior, although it deceives several pure love boys and girls, the choice rate is very low, and the active sharing of their emotions or hearts reflects the intimate relationship between lovers, which can bring warmth, and warmth is the condition for intimacy. That's the real promise; making a promise makes it easier to understand why so few respondents chose it, which is likely to be the practice of "game-like love."
Through the above survey and analysis, in long-distance love, the problem of security is subject to many challenges, although the Internet and a variety of social networks have changed a little, but the triangle of long-distance love is still not strong enough, especially intimate, long-distance love wants to feel warm is not simple, this is the problem faced by long-distance love, long-distance love security needs to be further improved.
3.2 The contradiction of long-distance relationships
The survey shows that in response to the problem of "concerns or difficulties about long-distance relationships", more than 50% of the respondents believe that the main concerns and difficulties of long-distance relationships are that the two parties are idle and staggered, cannot communicate effectively, and when they need each other, the other party is not around, they will feel frustrated and insecure, which will affect their mood and learning. This may be because most couples have an attachment relationship. Attachment theory was first proposed by British psychiatrist Bowby to illustrate the attachment relationship between infants and mothers, but it is not difficult to find that there is also a certain attachment relationship between adults. In The Reconstruction of Relationships by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, adult relationships are divided into three types: secure attachment, anxious attachment, and avoidant attachment.
More than 50% of the couples surveyed have an attachment relationship between the safe type and the anxiety type, on the one hand, they enjoy intimate behavior, and they are warm and loving, but on the other hand, they will devote themselves to the feelings at the same time, worried about whether the other party is also in love with them, which is manifested in the desire to get each other's care and comfort in time, lack of security, etc. Therefore, we believe that if there is passionate love between couples in a long distance [3], then it is difficult to overcome the difficulties caused by the above psychology only by relying on the original passion, and then develop to the point that a small number of investigators have frankly said that the three-minute heat has passed, the two parties are too tired together, want to give up, etc., and the final result is that the relationship is broken and the long-distance relationship ends. If the couples in a different place are friendly love, couples care about each other, understand each other, trust each other and be loyal, then this type of couple is often more able to solve various problems caused by the above psychology, and then maintain a romantic relationship.
Of course, there are also 10% or 20% of the respondents in this survey who believe that there is almost no difficulty and anxiety in long-distance relationships, in order to further study the possible sources of contradictions between long-distance couples, so as to find a solution, this study also investigated another question: what will cause conflicts between long-distance couples? The findings show that:
More than 75% of the respondents believe that the most likely conflict is the perfunctory of the other party. In this survey sample, more than half of the couples belong to the anxiety type attachment, so in their daily interactions, they are eager to know what the other party is doing, but also want to know what the other party is thinking, can't wait for the other party to prove how much they love themselves, and perfunctory, for this type of people is undoubtedly a minefield, perfunctory will make the anxious attachment couple feel that the other party is not so much love themselves, the other party just naturally enjoys their own efforts, and for their own attitude is in a blurred boundary, That is, I am not sure whether the other party is deeply in love with myself, this kind of thinking accumulates in my heart, maybe at first it is wronged and sad, but over time it will become anger, wild thoughts, and eventually evolve into quarrels, conflicts, and even the fuse of a breakup. In the theory of love [1] Rubin distinguishes the difference between like and love, like is respect and appreciation, love is acceptance and dependence, providing help, etc., so our group believes that in the long-distance love mode of getting along, couples should take more care of each other's emotions, avoid perfunctory communication with each other, let each other feel love, not like, so that the other party can be truly at ease.
At the same time, it should also be noted that more than 40% of couples believe that missing contact and not actively contacting will lead to the outbreak of conflicts between couples. In the long-distance love mode, a large element of maintaining the feelings between couples is itself a daily chat exchange, so once this only bond is also broken, it may lead to the continuous cooling of the feelings between the lovers, and finally disappear, therefore, couples in long-distance love, must not be in contact or lost contact for a long time, timely tell each other what they are doing, is the key to giving each other a sense of security, but also the key to preventing the cooling of feelings. So, when the conflict really happens, how is the couple resolved?
The results of the continued investigation show that about 50% of couples choose to solve problems by telephone, compared to online social software (QQ, WeChat), etc., the phone may be more formal, and can make the other party really hear their own voice, invisibly pull into the distance between the couples, so calling to solve the contradiction is undoubtedly a good choice. Similarly, there are also about 30% of couples who will choose QQ, WeChat and other ways to solve the problem. This may be because chatting and resolving conflicts on such online social media software is not as convenient and cordial as the phone, but the words that are said cannot be received back, and the words that are typed out can be deleted, so solving the contradictions on QQ and WeChat helps to give both parties a little calm space, restrain the emotions of that moment, and prevent irreparable consequences due to a momentary impulse. Of course, if there are conditions, the first time to appear in front of each other face-to-face to solve the contradiction should be the best way (a few respondents said that they should communicate face-to-face), this study after all focuses on the contradiction of long-distance love, so in most cases couples can not appear at the first time in front of each other's eyes, then the next thing to do is to solve it with heart, no matter which way, as long as both parties are committed to solving the contradiction, the contradiction can still be well resolved. However, 10% of those surveyed said that they would not resolve the contradiction and could not choose it. This kind of couple is either a passionate love that has just begun, or a friendship love with good feelings, but no matter what kind of love, it is impossible to really solve the problem without resolving the contradiction, if it is passionate love, do not solve the contradiction, in exchange for the gradual cooling of the passion, resulting in the inability of both parties to transition to friendship love, so that the long-distance love ends early; and if it is a long-term friendship love, choose to escape, it seems that there is no solution, but it is actually solved. The solution is to consume the feelings between the two parties, and over time, when the feelings are continuously consumed and negative emotions continue to accumulate, it is easy to cause the collapse of emotions, resulting in the end of long-distance love. Therefore, if there is a contradiction, it must be resolved in time, and it is always the next policy to escape or not to get rid of it.
3.3 Advantages of Long-Distance Relationships
In addition to the difficulties mentioned above, long-distance relationships also have their own unique advantages. According to the survey results, 104 of the 161 participants in the survey believed that long-distance relationships made "both parties have relatively free space", 96 participants believed that both parties would "cherish each other more" in long-distance relationships, and 95 participants agreed that long-distance relationships make "potential shortcomings of both parties not easy to find".
It can be seen from this that the public has a high degree of recognition for these three advantages, and the degree of recognition of the three is not much different. "Both sides have a relatively free space" This is not difficult to understand, because the two parties in love are different, they do not need to accompany each other often, but use online communication instead of offline companionship, to a certain extent, giving both parties free space, can have more opportunities to develop themselves. And "the shortcomings of both sides are not easy to find" is also easy to understand. Researchers such as Kelmer believe that geographical distance may have filtered romantic relationships, and under this filtering effect, long-distance lovers are more likely to maintain a sense of positive connection and less face the trivial affairs of life. This is what we call "distance produces beauty", the two sides will tend to show care and consideration when communicating online, and it is not easy to get along as casually as offline, so the shortcomings are also hidden.
Regarding the idea of "cherishing each other more", it would be more appropriate to explain it with Bowby's attachment theory. Similar to the relationship between infants and caregivers in the early days of an individual, adults also experience patterns of behavior such as proximity maintenance, separation anxiety, safe shelter and safe base in intimate relationships. Couples in long-distance relationships are often in torment, according to Bowby's attachment theory, this torment will activate the attachment system between couples, making both parties more dependent on each other, and the comfort given by both parties can satisfy this attachment emotion, thus further making couples in long-distance relationships cherish each other more.
3.4 The "most important" in long-distance relationships
This study also investigates people's views on the "conditions on which long-distance relationships depend most on the right outcome." The results showed that 142 participants chose "trust", 140 participants chose "mutual understanding and tolerance", 88 participants chose "frequent communication", and 46 participants chose "romantic". This suggests that regardless of whether they have been in a relationship or not, people tend to believe that trust and mutual understanding and tolerance are the two most effective conditions for fighting off-site relationships, and more than 50% of people believe that frequent communication can help long-distance couples overcome obstacles. According to the content released by China Youth Daily in February 2019, "lack of communication", "mutual suspicion" and "lack of trust" have become the main factors that are most likely to lead to the breakup of long-distance relationships, and 60% of respondents believe that the most important thing for long-distance couples is to "trust each other and establish a solid relationship". This is in line with the depth of our findings.
Clearly, the two main conditions of trust and mutual understanding and tolerance are attributed to commitment and closeness, respectively. And this coincides with a companion love that emphasizes trust, care, and the love of a couple to the shortcomings of the partner and the habitual tolerance. It follows from this that companion love is the most suitable type of long-distance relationship. This also fits the result that only a few people choose "romance". Because of the long-distance love of peer-style love, it is difficult to achieve romance and passion, which is often relatively flat, but it will also flow long, so that both parties in love can overcome the suffering of different places and eventually cultivate positive results. Therefore, we believe that long-distance relationships that can develop for a long time will eventually move closer to companion love. In this way, even if the two sides cannot go to the end, they can still maintain a good friendship relationship.
3.5 Love Triangle Theory in Long-Distance Relationships
Which do you think is the most important one in long-distance relationships, "intimacy", "responsibility", and "passion"? Is there anything else? Of the 147 valid questionnaires that answered this question, 32 percent said that intimacy was the most important in long-distance relationships, compared with 60 percent of responsibilities and only 8 percent of passions. It can be seen that most of the college students with an average age of about 19 years old believe that responsibility is most important in long-distance relationships.
The results of this study show that the most important proportion of responsibility in long-distance relationships is as high as 60%! According to attachment theory, attachment is a phenomenon that gradually evolves from face-to-face and physical intimacy, and long-distance relationships undoubtedly block such face-to-face physical contact. Due to the development of network technology, most college students prefer to use online chat software to make up for the inability to meet due to distance. But the undoubted sense of responsibility that comes with being off-site means taking responsibility for this distant relationship. In this research questionnaire, the sense of security of long-distance relationships was also investigated, which is also a manifestation of responsibility. "Sense of responsibility" is classified by Sternberg's love story theory, which should reflect the emphasis on "love as gardening". This type of relationship needs to be continuously nourished and managed. Having a sense of responsibility in love is an important guarantee for the lasting relationship between the two parties in love. Sukhomlinsky said: "True love can inject moral power into feelings,... ... Love can only be noble when feelings and thoughts are fused into an adult's sense of moral responsibility to man."
So whether a relationship is a long-distance relationship or not, a sense of responsibility is considered to be the basis for maintaining love. Obviously, in long-distance relationships that are more difficult and need to be maintained than ordinary relationships, the sense of responsibility is more important. So up to 60% of college students believe that responsibility is most important in long-distance relationships.
According to this study, 32% of the people who believe that intimacy is the most important in long-distance relationships. Sternberg proposed the three connotations (dimensions) of love, thus defining the three dimensions of the 8 types of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. The type of love dominated by intimacy is "like or friendship", the type of love dominated by passion is obsessive love, and the love dominated by commitment is empty love. Intimate couples have a broad, personal understanding of each other; they care about each other and feel more love from each other; they need each other and depend on each other; intimate couples show a high degree of mutual consistency due to their close connection; mutual trust between intimate couples can maintain the stability of intimate relationships and reduce conflict; and finally intimate couples are usually loyal to their intimate relationships. A meaningful, high-quality intimate relationship must contain all six characteristics: level of understanding, level of care, interdependence, mutual consistency, trust, and loyalty. Without any of these features, intimacy diminishes. Lovers in long-distance relationships need the most is to know each other, trust and loyalty and so on. Therefore, a large number of college students believe that intimacy is the most important in long-distance relationships.
The data from this study also shows that 8% believe that passion is the most important in long-distance relationships. Among the three connotations (dimensions) of love proposed by Sternberg, the type of love dominated by passion is obsessive love. In long-distance relationships, such a love that relies solely on passion to maintain a relationship is largely unable to resist the difficulties caused by distance. The passion-led love trait is more impulsive and belongs to the "love at first sight" type. Without frequent contact and exchange, this passion will gradually dissipate. Therefore, passion alone cannot maintain a long-distance relationship.
4. Suggestions and reflections
Based on the above survey results and analysis, there are the following suggestions for long-distance couples to maintain a good intimate relationship:
4.1. Both parties should enhance their sense of responsibility
Falling in love is a two-way process, and going in one direction is very dangerous to maintain intimacy. Especially for long-distance couples, if only one party is actively paying, and the other party is passively accepting, there is no positive response, and the intimate relationship is difficult to maintain for a long time. Like that conversation. "Do you still like him?" "I like it." "Then go chase!" "No." "Why?" "By what?" Therefore, both parties should take responsibility in the relationship and not ignore each other because they are immersed in the vast freedom provided by the different places. This requires long-distance couples to adopt a positive relationship maintenance strategy, do what the other person likes, and "save money" in the other person's emotional account; at the same time plan a common future with the other person, and constantly improve themselves to achieve the future that both parties expect.
4.2 Pay attention to improving the other person's sense of security
Security in love is important for the stability of intimate relationships. Therefore, long-distance couples need to pay attention to cultivating their own empathy ability, taking care of each other's emotions in time, giving comfort and help as much as possible when the other party needs, and becoming each other's safe harbor; at the same time, they must be able to take the initiative to share their own hearts and emotions, so that the other party has a full understanding of their own state, so as to achieve the effect of appeasing each other's attachment anxiety. For yourself, you must have a positive attribution of things, and you must also be able to perceive the use of the other party's relationship maintenance strategy, so as to enhance your sense of security in intimate relationships.
4.3. Effective Communication
Perfunctory is the most important thing for long-distance couples to avoid, which is reflected in the first two points. Therefore, long-distance couples should carry out effective daily communication, maintain a consistent communication posture, tell each other what they are doing in a timely manner, and have a positive response to each other to reduce the level of attachment avoidance in intimate relationships. At the same time, through effective communication, the two sides can adjust their cognition together and reach a consensus view of love. When problems arise, it is also necessary to resolve misunderstandings and contradictions through communication in a timely manner and eliminate hidden dangers in intimate relationships. When communicating, you need to pay attention to the "effectiveness", make it clear that communication is a means, not an end, and don't make the problem worse.
4.4. Have sufficient trust in the other person
Trust consists of two points: on the one hand, trust in the ability of the other party, and on the other hand, trust in the loyalty of the other party. The former requires that long-distance couples should not interfere excessively with each other, and should not forcibly change each other's ideas, give each other a comfortable personal space and become each other's solid backing. The latter requires long-distance couples not to have too much suspicion in intimate relationships, believe that the other party can maintain loyalty to the relationship in daily interactions with the opposite sex, long-distance couples should not live up to each other's trust, and pay attention to maintaining a suitable distance from the opposite sex in daily interactions.
Of course, there are still some shortcomings in this study. (1) In the end, only 167 questionnaires were collected in this questionnaire survey, and there may be omissions and deviations in the selection of samples, resulting in less comprehensive conclusions; (2) there are certain errors in the design of the questionnaire, resulting in some survey data cannot be analyzed in depth; (3) more tend to existing theoretical analysis, and the relevant literature is not comprehensive; (4) the survey subjects are on average 19-year-old freshmen, lacking a sample of senior students, so the conclusions and suggestions reached may not be universal. It is expected that in the next further research, the research methods and methods will be further improved in order to achieve better results and results.
In short, this study focuses on the relationship between couples in different places, trying to use the theories learned in the psychology of love course, such as evolutionary psychology and other relevant views, to analyze the reasons for the problems and even breakups of long-distance couples, and put forward some solutions, subjectively hoping to send a bright light to all couples who are in long-distance love, to help them "have lovers and eventually become dependents", of course, I also hope that this study can be able to those who have not yet begun to fall in love. But the "people with hearts" who are afraid that there is no end in the distance and have been slow to take a step forward are helpful, providing them with a little reference object for thinking about the future, and plucking up the courage to pursue their true love.
I have to say that man is a thinking animal, everyone's way of thinking is different, two people together may mean the collision of two different kinds of thinking, the suggestions we put forward can only be for the general situation or we only give suggestions from the theoretical level, the specific actual operation, but also depends on the person. Finally, I would like to conclude this study by citing an experiment by psychologists: Psychologists Gilovich & Medvec did a survey in which they called citizens and asked them whether they would regret what they had done or what they had not done, and it turned out that 75% of citizens replied that they would regret what they wanted to do but did not do! After a series of experimental investigations, they concluded that for a long time, people will regret what they did not do! So, hurry up!
bibliography:
1. "The Reconstruction of Relations", by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, published by Taiwan Straits Publishing House in September 2018
2. Relationship quality, commitment and stability in long-distance relationships Kelmer,G., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Family Process,52(2), 257-70.
3. Adult Attachment Study on Social Personality Orientation, Hou Ke, Zou Hong, Jiang Suo. Advances in Psychological Science,13(5),640-650.]
4. More than 70% of college students' long-distance relationship survey accepts long-distance relationships and breaks up[EB/OL]China Youth Network.2019-02-13.
5. The relationship between adult attachment and romantic relationship satisfaction in long-distance college students: the mediating role of communication posture. GAO Xiuxiu. Jilin University.2020
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[1] Rubin (1970) began to define love as an attitude toward a particular other person, allowing love to be incorporated into the social psychology of interpersonal attraction and to study love using general measurement methods. He assumed that love is an independent concept that can be measured, which can be regarded as a person's multi-faceted attitude towards specific others, he looked for the topic of describing feelings from the literature of literary writings, common sense and interpersonal attraction, and established the love scale and the liking scale after project analysis, reliability, and validity tests, and he found that there was a qualitative difference between love and like.
[1] Internet buzzwords refer to characters in two-dimensional animation or games, and because the works of the two-dimensional are two-dimensional, like pieces of paper, they are called paper people.
[2] The book makes it clear that adult love styles can be broadly divided into three types: safe, anxious, and avoidant. Adult attachment is mainly manifested in three attachment styles, or people's habits of perception and feedback in romantic relationships, which are similar to the results of children's attachment studies: safety, anxiety, and avoidance. People with secure attachments enjoy intimate behaviors very much and are usually warm and loving; people with anxious attachments are very eager for intimacy, often fully engaged in romantic relationships, and are very worried about whether their partners are equally in love with them; avoidant attachment people equate intimate behavior with the loss of independence, and they always minimize intimacy as much as possible.
[3] Hatfield argues that love can be divided into passionate love and friendly love.