Text | Rice grain mom
Since Rice's father managed an assignment during the summer vacation, he was deprived of the right to tutor and study, see "Thanks to Daddy, My Son Cried late at night to catch his homework".
Two days ago, the rice grains were doing homework, and I remembered the experience of being pit by my father during the summer vacation, and I couldn't help but nag twice.
Rice's father couldn't hang on to his face, took out his mobile phone and turned out a page for rice grain to see, "You are satisfied, look at this father, you will know how happy you are."
It turned out that the rice grain father was the doctor "Tiger Father" in Nanjing.
"Seedling-raising" education
His name is Wu Bin (pseudonym), he graduated with a doctorate and has a son and a daughter in the family. My son is 7 years old, just in the first grade of primary school, and my daughter is 5 years old and still in kindergarten.
He personally taught his two children, teaching them to learn Mandarin and advanced mathematics. You read that right, it's the literature and higher mathematics that are meant to be learned in middle school and college.
If the child can't learn, he will let the child learn late at night, get angry and insult and beat the child. In desperation, Dr. Wu's wife could only turn to the court for help.
During this period, the public security organs, the women's federation, and school teachers all intervened in the coordination process, hoping that through coordination, Dr. Wu would realize his problems and change the way he educated his children.
Dr. Wu insisted that he was fine, and that it was all his own chores and had nothing to do with others.
In fact, dr. Wu insulted and belittled the children's mental violations when educating children, which is a kind of domestic violence.
Eventually, the court issued a personal safety protection order prohibiting Wu Bin from committing domestic violence against his wife, children and related close relatives.
Rice grain mother especially want to ask this doctor, did you go to elementary school to learn advanced mathematics? Or do you think that the higher mathematics thing will be engraved in your genes and passed on to your children?
Dragging the child to learn late at night, the child will not learn to insult and degrade, without the slightest regard for the child's acceptance and feelings,
After intervening in many ways to mediate, they are still obsessed, feel that they have done the right thing, and regard "educating" children as their own power and treating children as personal goods, which is even more selfish and terrible.
Dr. Wu's "pulling up seedlings and encouraging growth" is really frightening to see, and it is difficult to imagine how two weak children can learn advanced mathematics with trepidation.
Lost after achieving a "goal"
When it comes to educating children, parents' anxiety is often one-stop: go to a good primary school, go to a good middle school, and go to a good university.
The pursuit of a good university is very normal, who does not want to go to the top universities for further study?
Rice grain mother has a cousin in her hometown in Hubei, although the Hubei college entrance examination is not as high as the college entrance examination in a large province like Shandong Jiangsu, and the competition is also very fierce.
The cousin's academic performance is OK, in the class belongs to the upper middle, study very hard.
Studying from morning to night, basically not playing games or watching TV, I finally lived up to expectations and was admitted to a 211 university.
When he arrived at the university, there were no teachers and parents staring at the study every day, and the cousin suddenly had a lot of free time, and he began to play games day and night, skipping class during the day and staying all night.
As a result, by the end of the exam, several subjects were hung up with red lights, including the advanced mathematics taught by Dr. Wu to the children.
Fortunately, the cousin woke up in time, controlled the game time, and took classes on time to make up for the exam, so that the university could be read smoothly.
The brother who slept on his top bunk had no cousin's consciousness and gave up the game for 4 years of college. The game rank is highly promoted, and there are too many graduates who do not even have a degree certificate.
My cousin and his roommate were by no means an exception, studying hard in high school and "laxity in retaliation" in college, wasting a good time.
Mi grain mother wrote about The Korean "educator" Lee Yoo Nam in "The top three in the whole school of her son, the top girls' school for her daughter, but she apologized to her child and wrote a letter of repentance".
Li Liunan is the principal of the primary school, and a pair of children have achieved very good results under her education. She is an excellent teacher in herself, coupled with the excellence of her children, Li Liunan's educational experience is sought after by many parents.
But suddenly one day, his son, who was in his third year of high school, said that he would not go to school at all, and not long after, his daughter also dropped out of school, and Li Liunan's life suddenly fell into a trough.
She began to examine her own way of education, only to find that she had made a big mistake in the education of her children. She only cares about raising children with excellent grades, but ignores the most important factor in education.
Rice grain mother is thinking that it is important to get into a good university, but a good university is not the ultimate goal of learning. Whether a good university can play a role, the key is still in the children themselves.
If you have a clear understanding of yourself, a clear goal, and the motivation to learn independently, children can naturally make full use of the advantages of a good university to make themselves stronger.
However, if a child does not have these abilities, he may lose himself even in the highest schools.
The highest goal of raising a baby
Many times we are anxious because our child's growth deviates from our expectations.
Just like The Tiger Dad, who teaches first-grade children to learn advanced mathematics, he feels that his children should be proficient in high numbers to be worthy of the glorious title of "Doctor's Child".
Therefore, when the child can't learn, he gets out of control.
Education is not about fertilizing and watering small trees according to instructions, or about having small trees grow in the direction we prune.
Whether it is the doctoral father who is promoting seedlings, or Li Liunan, who is bent on improving his children's grades, they all want their children to follow the path they choose and use the shortcuts they provide to achieve the achievements they expect.
But the child is not plasticine, whatever shape you want, he has his own characteristics, his own thoughts, he also has his own want to be.
Mi Grain Mama remembered a passage said by Tang Jiangpeng, principal of Jiangsu Xishan Senior High School, "Scores are important, but they are not the whole content of education, let alone the fundamental goal of education."
Good education should cultivate lifelong athletes, responsible persons, problem solvers and elegant people, focusing on cultivating children's sound and excellent personality.
Kevin Xu, a psychology professor at Peking University, has said that he has received many excellent children who have "hollow heart disease." The babies that the parents came out of the anxious chicken were finally sent to the psychiatrist.
What is hollow heart disease?
One 19-year-old visitor said he felt like he was on a small island, didn't know what he was doing or what he was getting, and was often terrified. In 19 years, I have never lived for myself and never lived.
There are often parents who say that when their child is admitted to college, he will also become an adult, and then he will rely on himself, and my responsibilities will be clear.
Sending a child to the university door seems to be a complete merit, and it can be completed and retired. But the problem is that the child only learns the art of exams before the age of 18, and does not know the way of being a person and the method of being a person.
At this time, he was not sound, because of the full escort of his parents, he was able to enter the university smoothly.
When he began to live independently, the problem began to be exposed, was it the child who did not argue, or the parents did not fulfill their responsibilities?
Finally, the rice grain mother wants to say that in the process of educating our children, fill the child's heart so that he will not lose his direction.
About the author: @Rice Grain Mom Love To Share (Welcome to Pay Attention), American returnee, Haidian parent, when the first place in the new book list "Parent-child English Book That Affects Children's Life" author. Focus on the scientific parenting of 0-5-year-old babies, learning enlightenment, and the world's novelty recommendation, welcome to pay attention! (5-12 years old bao mom please pay attention to: @ rice grain mother channel)