Wen | the original diary of The Little Fish Daddy, welcome to forward and share personally
Parents must admit that no matter how close a child is to their parents when they are young, the process of growing up is a process of increasing estrangement from their parents.
But there are always exceptions to everything, some mothers who love their sons very much are very willing to be a safe haven for their sons, flashing their aging but thinking they are plump wings, handling their sons' big and small affairs and sheltering them from the wind and rain.
Even some mothers are touched by themselves, whether their sons are willing to accept this kind of life or not, this maternal love is extremely persistent.
"Avoid the mother" – the traditional view makes sense
This kind of boy who is "fiercely loved" by his mother not only eats and dresses to obey his mother's arrangement, but even needs his mother to make decisions for himself or passively accept his mother's intervention.
They tend to end up going to two personality extremes, one that is particularly fond of women and wants to find a partner for women who love and tolerate them like their mothers.
There is another kind of extremely unconfident, cowardly, forced to accept everything arranged by the mother, but dare not and powerless to resist, which is what we call "ma bao man".
Therefore, we will often say that when children are older, we must avoid our mothers, not only physically, but also maintain an appropriate distance psychologically and emotionally.
Let boys know how to be self-reliant and self-reliant, and gradually learn to truly understand women, care for women, love women, and actively pursue life partners.
"The female eldest does not avoid the father" - the psychological influence of the father on the daughter cannot be ignored
Why does the child avoid the mother, but the female does not avoid the father? Among them, the reason is related to the child's life, and the parents mentioned below should pay attention to it.
note! The emphasis on emotional interaction is the emphasis on emotional interaction.
When the daughter is older, she naturally needs to avoid her father on some privacy issues, after all, there is a difference between men and women. But in terms of emotional connection, the daughter maintains more interaction and communication with her father, which is actually conducive to her understanding of men and gaining a sense of security.
As the first male that his daughter knows, the father can feel the charm of men through fatherly love and have a sense of trust in men.
Getting love and care from their fathers will make girls have a stronger sense of self-identification with themselves, and thus gain the strength of self-confidence, full of expectations for the opposite sex, and it is not easy to meet scumbags in the future.
Only by grasping the different boundaries between educating boys and girls can parents avoid detours.
A big boy who is "hurt" by his mother's love
If there are still mothers who disagree with the views of the male eldest to avoid the mother, then it is advisable to take a look at how deeply those mothers are "hurt" by the love of the mother.
Di Ying was once a goddess in the hearts of many men, but when she "fell into the red dust" to marry and have children, she became a "paranoid mother" who spoiled her son alone.
Di Ying breastfed her son until she was twelve years old, and it should be known that the twelve-year-old boy had begun to gradually develop sexual consciousness, and not only that, she also slept with her son for fifteen years, until his son had a physiological reaction when he was close to her.
Under Di Ying's arrogance, pampering and even coddling, his son's personality is arrogant, and during his studies in the United States, he even bought guns and ammunition to prepare to attack the campus, and was eventually sent to prison by the police.
Actor Zhu Yuchen is even more pitiful and hateful, and her mother has cared for him since childhood, from dressing and eating to falling in love.
Although Zhu Yuchen expressed strong opposition, but the mother was stubborn, in order not to make the mother sad, this good son can only "endure" being imprisoned by the mother's love, and even has a negative and resistant psychology to the marriage.
The relationship between parent-child distance and children's growth:
In order to allow boys to gradually get rid of the "control" of maternal love psychologically and spiritually in a timely manner, mothers need to gradually achieve self-withdrawal from the boy's life in the process of their children's growth.
In addition, in terms of physical contact and privacy, fathers should also pay attention to keeping their distance from their daughters.
First of all, most children will have a clear understanding of gender after the age of three, and from this time on, parents of the opposite sex should avoid changing clothes, going to the toilet, and bathing.
Secondly, three to six years old gradually complete the separation of beds, rooms to sleep, parents can use the first bed and then divided into rooms, so that children gradually get used to sleeping alone, learn to enjoy the time alone.
Third, when the child enters puberty, the elders of the opposite sex should try to avoid having too close actions with the child, so as not to cause the child's psychological discomfort and resistance.
Finally, the boy should let go and the girl should care.
Parents should create opportunities for boys to grow into men, give children more encouragement, cultivate their ability to make decisions, and gradually learn to deal with personal affairs, so that they can grow from boys who rely on their parents to men who can stand alone.
As for the daughters, because of their psychological sensitivity, they need more attention and patience and comfort in the process of growing up, and the father can give them a better sense of security.
Parents love their children is the most authentic emotion of human beings, but this does not mean that they can control their children's lives in this name, and control the temperature and heat of love, which is the most respectable and perfect emotion.