Many parents are deeply aware of the importance of self-discipline for their children, and with it, there have been various "chicken soup for the soul", such as:
"Self-discipline is freedom."
"How terrible is the self-disciplined life?"
"Physical self-discipline is spiritual freedom."
It seems that self-discipline is the "ultimate secret" for children to succeed, so parents who feel anxious often try to "strictly demand" their children, but it is often difficult to persist, just try again and again, instilling a variety of "chicken soup for the soul" about self-discipline for children.
Can just a few slogans help us develop the habit of self-discipline for our children? The answer, of course, is no.
Laziness is the innate nature of people, in line with our behavior habit of seeking benefits and avoiding harm, and it is precisely because the habit of self-discipline will make children feel pain and trouble, so we cannot expect them to be born self-conscious.
If you want to help your children understand self-discipline, we parents should take effective methods, otherwise it is difficult for children to persevere.
Self-discipline is an active behavior, not a passive habit
What is true self-discipline?
To this question, psychologist Jonathan Hayt once gave the answer in "The Elephant and the Elephant Rider": "True self-discipline is self-actualization. ”
Therefore, parents must realize that self-discipline is an active behavior, not a passive habit. Many times when we cultivate the habit of self-discipline in children, it is actually just "self-discipline for the sake of self-discipline", forcibly stipulating that children get up at 7 o'clock in the morning, read for 1 hour every day, go to bed on time at 9:30 pm, etc., list meticulous and thoughtful plans, but ignore the internal driving force of children to do so.
Everyone has a certain motivation to do anything, and the same is true for children to cultivate self-discipline habits, if you just let the child "self-discipline" in order to meet the requirements of parents, ignoring the child's intrinsic motivation, it is naturally difficult to achieve good results.
Therefore, we must let the child demand itself, parents can guide the child to let him understand the purpose behind the self-discipline behavior, help the child to explore the strong motivation of the self-discipline behavior, the effect can be doubled with half the effort.
For example, let children get up early is not simply "mental torture", but because they must have a fuller mental state, enjoy the efficient learning time in the morning, and then get better results;
Or to cultivate children's reading habits, not simply focus on reading behavior, but to let children understand that reading is to increase their own insight and broaden his horizons.
Only when we let the child realize that self-discipline is indeed good for him and can gain something under the role of maintaining self-discipline, can the child have the motivation to adhere to the habit of self-discipline and develop faith.
Teach your child self-discipline and allow him to make mistakes
Many Chinese parents have such an instinct: habitually help their children solve difficulties, and whenever their children encounter problems, they will always be the first to take action.
However, what needs to grow is the child itself, and what we, as parents, should do is to let the child choose freely within a safe boundary, hand over education to life, and stimulate the child's initiative.
As mentioned above, cultivating self-discipline habits for children should start from establishing a belief for them, but if children experience failures and get punishment from life because of their own choices, they can also stimulate their initiative from the heart and understand the importance of self-discipline.
The son of colleague Xiaoli's family is in the second grade of junior high school, which is a critical period for carrying on the upper and lower levels, but the child is addicted to mobile phone games, even if Xiaoli confiscates the mobile phone, it has not achieved any effect.
It is conceivable that in the final exam, the child's results plummeted, not only the teacher disappointed him, but also the surrounding classmates also began to circulate some "rumors". In adolescence, it is difficult for children with "good faces" to accept this result, so they take the initiative to lock their mobile phones and silently turn their attention to learning.
Sometimes it is not terrible for children to make appropriate mistakes, as long as children can learn from mistakes and know how to restrain themselves after experiencing failure, it is very helpful to develop self-discipline habits.
Help children overcome the "pain" caused by self-discipline and make good use of the "5 minute principle"
Cultivating children's self-discipline habits is easy to say, but it is difficult to do, even adults, it is difficult to resist the comfort brought by "lying flat", not to mention children who are not mature enough.
When we cultivate the habit of self-discipline in children, we can use the "5 minute principle" in psychology, because psychologists have found that when people do something they hate, often the first 5 minutes are the most unbearable and the most regrettable, once after 5 minutes, the mind gradually indulges in it, and the physical "pain" feeling is no longer so strong.
Therefore, parents adopt the "5-minute principle", which can help children classify the things they want to do according to the degree of difficulty, the easiest part is put in the first 5 minutes, and after completing 5 minutes, because the pain caused by the initial self-discipline has gradually adapted after "warming up", so it is natural to stick to it.
For example, if we want to let the child write homework at night, we can ask the child to be simple to difficult, especially in the first 5 minutes, we must let the child start from the exercises or subjects that are most interesting to them and are most easy to complete, and when the child's mind is indulged in it, it will naturally complete things step by step.
Crooked Mom Conclusion:
Self-discipline is not a behavioral habit that parents can simply and rudely instill in their children, but an ability for children to take the initiative to make demands on themselves and resist physical inertia from their own feet. Therefore, in the process of cultivating children's self-discipline, parents should not reverse the priorities, but should skillfully help guide children, rather than formulating some rules and regulations and forcing children to demand.
Today's topic: Do you usually pay attention to cultivating your child's self-discipline habits?