Positive Discipline in Social Work Service in the Application of Family Parent-Child Service

A few days ago, I had the privilege of participating in a two-day industry training on positive discipline and family education, and I had a special feeling for this training as both a mother and a social worker.

I think about how to apply positive discipline methods to social work services as a social worker when leading parent-child activities and groups, and the following are some of my thoughts:

In the first step, social workers can help participating parents analyze their own family types when using positive discipline knowledge to carry out parent-child services. The social worker guides the family to understand its own parent-child communication model and assists the parents in defining the type of family education. In the daily parent-child communication of the family, the following parent-child communication or family types are generally presented:

1. Harsh type (excessive control): There are rules, but no freedom and choice. The common phrase is "What I want you to do, you have to do!" ”

2. Arrogant type (no restrictions): There is freedom but no rules, unlimited choices. The general phrase is "do what you want, do it!" ”

3. Positive discipline (authoritative, kind and firm): there are rules and freedoms, and there are restrictive choices. The general term is "you can choose while respecting others and yourself".

Each of these three types has its own characteristics that allow parents to navigate smoothly to find their own home education methods.

In the second step, through the analysis and understanding of these three family types, each parent can sit in the right seat and analyze what kind of communication style they have with their children in parent-child education, and what type of parenting style they belong to.

After analyzing the type of education, parents of the same type are gathered in a group, and they are asked to analyze the advantages and disadvantages of this type and explain the reasons. Parents are encouraged to write in a discussion manner on paper, give parents sufficient time for discussion, and encourage each member to actively speak and draw conclusions from their own group.

This discussion process is a process of discernment and reflection by parents, and only by understanding the advantages and disadvantages of their own family parenting methods can they be more clear about the aspects they need to improve. Just as the so-called "knowing oneself and knowing the other", "knowing oneself" is knowing one's own parenting style, and "knowing one's other" is knowing the results that children may appear in this parenting style.

In the third step, social workers guide parents to learn about positive discipline education methods. After understanding the advantages and disadvantages of your parenting style, learn the excellent parenting style - learn the parenting tools of positive discipline.

The five words "kind and firm" always run through all the concepts and tools of positive discipline, "too kind" or "too firm" is not a good way of education, parents should grasp the balance between good and good and firm, and be a good parent of positive discipline.

The fourth step is to enter the positive discipline "My Home Training" learning session. In the home training learning session of positive discipline, parents will be invited to discuss and analyze what kind of home training in their own growth process, such as what is your mother's favorite sentence, what house rules have been in the family, and what these house rules have affected you.

The process is also for parents to discuss in groups, everyone can freely share in their own growth process, parents have said something, whether there is "eat without sleeping", "can not stilt erlang legs", "the elders do not move chopsticks, the younger generation can not move chopsticks" and other fine traditional family training; whether there are also some parents said when they were young, "you will not eat again, there will be a big bad wolf to eat you" "If you don't sleep at night, there will be a police uncle who will come to arrest you" such as "There will be a lesson language that makes people have childhood shadows, these "family training" What positive or negative effects have been produced.

The fifth step is to analyze the consequences of poor family education on children, and how bad family status will affect children. In my past family services, I have been in contact with many types of parents. More parents have expressed this expression: "If the child does not obey, he will be punished."

Parents feel that they are also in the "stick under the filial piety" "do not fight can not be a tool" in the family training, the past concept of education advocated that the child should be punished, and even many parents think that occasional beating is nothing, especially for some dishonest children, often beat a beating, roar a meal on the honest, but such punishment also derives some problems. Research points out that if children are consistently growing up under punitive stress, they are prone to emotional and behavioral problems.

The first is a state of resignation and repression, which will think that the world is unfair, do not believe in adults, do not believe in the world, and have grievances and depression in their hearts;

The second is the mentality of resentment and revenge, "Let your cow see what you will do next time," and there are seeds of hatred sprouting inside.

The third will be rebellion, "you teach me to do, I do not do what you say, you say that you are right, I will use my own practice to prove", often challenging the authority of parents.

Fourth, there may be withdrawal, the heart will be inferior, "anyway, I am so useless, no matter what I do is useless, why do I do it", the child will be self-pitying, negative energy weight, has a strong withdrawal psychology, and even affects the development of a person's life. Social workers need to guide parents to learn the concepts and tools of positive discipline, which is a method of disciplining children without punishment or arrogance.

The sixth step is to learn one of the learning tools of positive discipline - "winning cooperation". In the process of parents interacting with their children, if their children make mistakes, we emphasize the way of education that is not punished and not arrogant, and is kind and firm.

When faced with a child's mistakes, a very important part is to "win cooperation". There are four parts to winning cooperation, one is to express the understanding of the child's feelings, and the other is to express sympathy for the child, but it cannot be forgiven. The third is to tell the child how you feel, and the fourth is to let the child focus on solving the problem.

For example, some time ago, my child accidentally broke a cup, when my first feeling was not angry or immediately blamed the child, but looked forward to letting the child understand some truth from this matter, so I said: "Baby, just now you broke a cup, do you feel very sorry, feel that you have done something wrong, (express the understanding of the child's feelings) but the cup is indeed broken, can not be repaired (express sympathy for the child, but can not forgive), the mother also feels very sorry, A good cup is broken (tell the child how you feel), what do you think we're going to do now? The baby said," "Take the broomstick", "Okay, but we still need to think again, what are we going to do when the cup is broken, and how can we not let the cup break next time (let the child focus on solving problems, heuristic questions)?" "Next time you should hold it in your hand, you can't throw it around" "Okay, mom sees that you understand the truth, mom and you clean it up together" (let the child feel that there is a mother's company, and is willing to solve the problem together).

Positive discipline makes parents understand, "Your child feels good, he will do well, and when he breaks the cup, he has already confessed his mistake." "Just like that, you don't lose your temper, he doesn't cry, and he solves this matter without making noise."

Finally, social workers use the knowledge of positive discipline in family services to guide parents to learn the correct parent-child communication methods. For parents, the first is to learn positive language, and the second is to control the behavior of parents, starting from the emotional management of parents, I believe that every parent can have a better and better relationship with their children.

Social workers should emphasize learning in practice, feel the effect in practice, parents will gradually feel that this is a correct way of parent-child communication, social workers in the process of application also have their own reflection and growth, and gradually become proficient in the use of positive discipline in the parent-child service relationship.