Someone said: "The so-called love is not the fear of being alone, but the fear of two people being together and failing each other." ”
How many couples, each experiencing the hardships of life, came together to try to warm each other, but the result was hurt more deeply, and they were also wronged.
The root cause is related to the inability to keep the boundaries, the trust between people is established when encountering problems, if a contradiction occurs, the two will blame each other, and the feelings will fall apart sooner or later.
Ms. Wang, who is over forty years old, she took out 600,000 yuan to help her remarried husband to do business, but because of a quilt, she was beaten by her sister-in-law, and her husband also proposed to compensate her sister-in-law for 100,000.
The remarried couple is not the same heart, and a bed of quilts is contradictory
Ms. Wang's husband died of illness, and for the sake of her son's growth, she did business alone and trained him to university.
Under the introduction of friends, she met Mr. Lu, who is also widowed, and has 2 daughters who have also gone to college, and they are all down-to-earth people, and decided to reorganize the family to live a life.
When he first got married, Mr. Lu needed money to do business, and Ms. Wang cobbled together 600,000 yuan to give him, which was enough to see her sincerity, but just when the days were getting better and better, the contradiction also came out.
Once Mr. Lu's daughter came home, felt a little cold, and wanted to get a quilt, Mr. Lu gave her his quilt from the bed.
At night, when she went to bed, Ms. Wang asked, "Why is there a quilt missing?" Where did that quilt go? ”
If Mr. Lu had said it directly to his daughter, there would have been no problem, but he said, "I don't know." ”
Ms. Wang was very strange, and unconsciously raised the volume: "That quilt can still run on long legs at home?" ”
The daughter next door heard it and came over and said, "I used the quilt." ”
Talking to her husband made Ms. Wang feel a little angry, and she said smoothly: "Can that quilt be used casually?" "Her original intention, the quilt is close to the body, the daughter can not use the quilt that her father has covered, should take clean, but the daughter sounds, feels as if she can not even use a quilt, she cried."
Seeing her daughter crying, Ms. Wang realized her problem, quickly apologized to her daughter, and explained what she thought in her heart, she thought that things could pass, but she did not expect to become a thorn in her husband's heart.
When Ms. Wang's son was engaged, she needed to buy jewelry, Ms. Wang took her necklace to change, the result was 2,000 yuan, she called her husband to send it to herself, but her husband said: "I have no money around, you have to use yourself to go home and get it." ”
This sentence in Ms. Wang sounds particularly heartfelt, she gave her husband 600,000 yuan without hesitation, the son and daughter-in-law to do happy things, the husband is not even willing to give 2000, she asked the husband what the hell means, the root is still on the quilt, the husband's reason is: "My daughter can't cover the bed and the quilt, why should I give your son 2,000 yuan?" ”
Once the seeds of contradiction are planted, there is a distance between the hearts of the husband and wife.
Behind the "quilt" is the separation of hearts, but also the pain point of the second marriage couple
In Ms. Wang's marriage, it seems that the contradiction between them because of "a quilt" is actually rooted in the separation of hearts.
No matter how much Ms. Wang has helped her husband, he has a dislike for his wife when he sees his daughter being wronged.
In fact, he can choose to communicate, tell his wife his feelings, the two untie the knot, the problem is resolved, but he chose revenge, you let my daughter cry, I will make your son uncomfortable, such an idea is really no pattern.
What is even more excessive is that the sister-in-law knows that the niece has been wronged, one day she drank too much and ran to make trouble, and when she arrived at Ms. Wang's house, she began to scold, and the words were unbearable, Ms. Wang went downstairs and asked what was going on, and she actually pushed Ms. Wang to the wall and beat her violently.
Ms. Wang called her husband, who did not blame her sister, but told her, "You hurry up and leave, ignore her." ”
But where can she go? Ms. Wang ran back to her home, and called the police to deal with it, originally thought that her sister was educated after waking up drunk, she would realize her mistake, but she did not expect that the next morning, her sister ran to the door and scolded, Ms. Wang really could not swallow this breath in her heart, and came out and gave the sister-in-law a slap.
The sister-in-law is unwilling, lives in the sister-in-law's house for a few months without leaving, asking for compensation for mental losses of 100,000 yuan, the question is, should Ms. Wang compensate for this money?
The husband and wife came to the mediation scene, and Ms. Wang thought that she had done nothing wrong, that the sister-in-law was unreasonable and that she would not compensate.
Mr. Lu believes that after all, his wife beat his sister, and the family valued peace, causing harm to his sister, and this money should be lost, and he was willing to take out the money.
Listening to their experiences, the observers said bluntly: "Why give?" If the sister-in-law fights less, she should slap her twice and wake up the sister-in-law. ”
I have to say that the observer is too right, in this matter, the most problematic is not the sister-in-law, nor the sister-in-law, but the husband Mr. Lu, who is soft in bones and too undisciplined.
First of all, he likes to be angry, and when he encounters problems, he does not discuss things, but adds one problem to another, making the family conflict bigger and bigger.
Secondly, the sister-in-law has a contradiction, as a man to stand in the middle, protect the wife from being hurt, and then preside over justice to solve the contradiction, rather than letting the wife go, conniving at the sister-in-law to live at home for a long time, it is even more wrong.
He can't distinguish between right and wrong, and does not dare to take responsibility for himself, this is the root of family contradictions, the weaker the man, the greater the contradiction between the sister-in-law, the sister-in-law thinks that she is helping the big brother, the sister-in-law feels that the other party has crossed the line, both sides feel aggrieved, it is not at all possible to settle with money.
Learning to empathize is a skill that every couple needs to learn
Many second-married couples do not go to the end, not because they lack feelings, but because they cannot empathize.
First of all, couples should not only provide financial mutual assistance, but also provide emotional value.
On the surface, Ms. Wang invested a lot in her husband, but she still failed to get the other party's true feelings.
She is willing to run the family well, but her husband cannot understand her, which makes her heart full of disappointment.
The most difficult disaster in life is the tiredness of the heart.
Misunderstood by the sister-in-law for a long time, if the contradiction cannot be solved, a lot of emotions will be generated in the heart, coupled with the trivialities of life, which is enough to make a woman emotionally collapse.
A good husband will give his wife a sense of security, know how to solve his wife's worries and difficulties, and let his wife release emotional pressure, rather than calculating who is right and who is wrong.
When the emotional pressure is released, the two sides can communicate calmly and the problem can be solved more effectively.
Secondly, to be honest with each other, you need to have a sincere heart first.
No one is perfect, and everyone has shortcomings.
Communication is the way for husband and wife to resolve conflicts, the premise is that both parties should be honest with each other, speak their own ideas, and digest them in time to transfer the problem.
Suspicion is common in second-marriage families, where they have selfish intentions and refuse to speak out, leading to growing misunderstandings.
Since you have chosen each other, you should accept each other's children, children have experienced changes in the family, more eager for love and care, you are sincere to your children, children will also give back to you love.
Instead of hiding, it is better to be bright and clear.
Put love on the surface, treat both children equally, less suspicion, and naturally there will be no contradiction.
As for the sister-in-law to make trouble, it is naturally wrong, as a big brother, it is your responsibility to protect your wife, and you should clearly remind your sister that you must respect your sister-in-law and cannot cross the line to insert your own housework.
Men have responsibility, the family of people naturally will not cross the line, marriage needs to be managed, not playing Tai Chi, the contradictions between sisters-in-law are caused by men, but also need to be resolved by men.
What do you think about that? Do you think the sister-in-law should go to her mother-in-law's house to take care of her sister-in-law? Welcome to leave a message to tell you what you think.~