Potato Mom says:
The other day, a mom told me that her baby had recently been bullied by the little bully in the class, such as taking off her socks, kicking her ass, and deliberately putting paint on her books. This mother was very angry, but she didn't know what to do better.
My friend's baby encountered a similar situation some time ago, and I think her way of handling it is quite good. Children are beaten and bullied, which is basically a problem that all mothers will encounter, and sometimes it is really difficult to deal with.
Today I would like to invite my friend Dododai to tell you how she does it. After reading her sharing, you can talk about what other good ways there are in the message
Text: Dododai
At noon, I was surprised to receive a call from my son. Because at that time, he was supposed to have lunch at school.
On the phone, he only shouted "Mommy" once, and his voice choked up.
Later, he said intermittently that he was bullied by his classmate Haohao, saying that he was beaten with his umbrella, and his back was beaten very painfully, and the umbrella was also broken.
After saying that, I cried for a while. I could only reassure him and ask him to find a teacher.
But he said that the homeroom teacher had gone to study at another school and could only call me.
Hearing my son cry, I was very sad and worried about him. I told him that his mother would definitely handle this matter, and her mother would definitely protect him.
I hung up the phone and I was distraught.
I know my son's personality very well, and he belongs to the kind of informal.
Usually in school, there is a little conflict between him and his classmates, he will not deliberately tell me, but occasionally when chatting, he will mention it lightly.
This time, things were so serious that I couldn't stand idly by.
I contacted the class teacher and gave me a general idea of the situation.
After she listened, she was also helpless, and the child named Haohao who beat my son was simply the little bully in the class, saying that when she returned to the class in the afternoon, she would deal with this matter.
In fact, I have heard about this child before, saying that he is big and likes to beat people.
I was lucky not to hit my son, especially since I was the shortest in the class.
When such a thing happens, it must be the parent who wants to find the child.
But I learned from several parents, their children have been beaten by Haohao, looked for his parents, the parents have a good attitude, but the problem has not been solved at all.
It has even intensified.
Since so many parents are looking for Haohao's parents, there is no effect. Well, on my own, nothing has changed.
I had to change my strategy and look for other breakthroughs.
I added Haohao's mother's WeChat, and without waiting for me to speak, she said that she had guessed why I added her.
From the first grade of her son to the present, the parents of the classmates in the class have basically added her WeChat for the same reason.
I told her that her children beat my son up with an umbrella.
She kept saying she was sorry, but she said that she was out of town and couldn't meet with me to solve this problem, and asked me if I could do it another day?
Children's problems, it is important to hit iron while it is hot.
In a few days, whether it is a child who beats someone or a beaten child, he will forget it, and there is no point in solving this matter.
I told her it didn't matter if you weren't there. I want to talk to my child, of course, in front of the teacher, or find a third-party parent to be present.
The reason why I talk to my children is also because "there is a debt and a master."
To let the child understand that it is he who hits the person, he needs to take responsibility, rather than blindly hiding behind his mother and letting his mother "block the gun" for him.
Every time he hit someone, everyone went to his mother, but there was nothing wrong with him, and he asked his mother to apologize for him, and he didn't realize that he was the party at all.
Haohao's mother said that she would try to rush back, but in the afternoon after school, she saw that she was already at the school gate.
The children all came out and looked at her children, who were really tall and tall, looking like third- and fourth-graders.
And my family, short in stature, looks like a kindergarten graduate, and often goes out and is asked: "Kindergarten middle class?" ”
This disparity in size, if you are beaten, you will really be beaten very badly.
My son saw me, as if he had seen a savior, and hugged me.
And looking at the children who hit people again, it seems that they are familiar with this scene, and their faces are calm. I said bluntly, "Classmate Haohao, I want to talk to you." ”
Listening to my words, he was a little surprised, maybe in the past others had communicated with his mother.
I asked him, "Do you think Xiao Han (my son) is a good boy or a bad boy?" ”
He thought for a moment and said, "Good boy. ”
I didn't mention that my son called me in the morning, but said: "I heard Xiao Han say, you are the tallest boy in the class, as burly as a SWAT officer." He especially adores you! ”
My operation made Hao Hao very confused, and he asked embarrassedly, "Really?" ”
I nodded and said, "Yes, when you look at it today, you really look very tall, you should be a hero in the eyes of many students in the class, right?" ”
Just at this moment, a classmate in the class passed by us and said to her mother loudly: "Haohao has beaten people again, he beats people every day." ”
I saw a hint of fear in Haohao's eyes, and he looked at me and then at his mother.
Just as his mother was about to lose her temper, I stopped her.
I said, "Haohao, you think Xiao Han is a good boy, do you want to play with Xiao Han, so you accidentally got him, and the two of them clashed?" ”
He nodded and said, "I want to play with him, but he doesn't play with me." I just pulled him and he hit me. ”
I asked him to show me again how to rip my son off. As soon as he pulled it, my son almost fell. I explained to Hao Hao that because you are too tall and Xiao Han is small, although you just pulled it, he almost fell, so he mistakenly thought that you were going to "go to war".
Of course, it is not right for him to hit people, and aunties will let him apologize to you.
The next time you want to play with your classmates, you can say it, otherwise they won't know what you think.
You hurt him today, the umbrella is broken, you need to apologize, and you have to pay his umbrella.
Finally, I told him that just like you are your mother's baby, Xiao Han is also your aunt's baby, and if someone bullies him, your aunt will definitely protect him.
I also stressed that as his heroic classmate, would he also protect him?
He nodded. I held out my hand, ticked him, and said, "We decided so happily ha." ”
After the conversation, I sent a special message to his mother, saying that when I go back today, I must not criticize him, let alone hit him, and this matter will be over.
After about half a month, I asked my son about Haohao.
The son said that Hao Hao did not hit him again. But sometimes he would hit his classmates, but the teacher praised him: "The number of beatings is getting less and less." ”
In fact, Hao Hao likes to beat people, which is a trace to follow.
As far as I know, whenever a parent reacts to Haohao's parents about a child beating someone, they are bound to beat him when they go back.
Both of them are doing their own business, the work is very busy, Hao Hao usually does not perform well in school, and the teacher asks them to react to the situation.
Their way of communicating is to fight, the idea is "boys have thick skin, they must fight, saying that it is useless." ”
Moreover, there is a sister in the family who also beats him in the same way.
Living in such a family that uses the "beating" method to communicate problems, Hao hao has also learned to use "beating people" to get along with others:
I want to play with other people, and if I beat him, he will play with me; if others don't play with me, a fight can be solved.
Haohao's subconscious thought that when I hit you, you sued because I didn't hit you hard enough, and if I hit harder, you would definitely not dare to file a complaint.
This is also why there are parents of some students who communicate with their parents, and he will become more intense.
Whether it is a kindergarten or a school, it is a small river.
And where there are people, there are contradictions, especially between children, and it is too normal to have conflicts.
For some minor conflicts, parents do not need to intervene prematurely, which is also to give children the opportunity to grow up and let them learn to deal with the problems they encounter.
However, if the contradiction is unresolved by the child, we must help the child. Just pay attention to ways and methods, because our purpose is to solve problems and resolve contradictions, not to retaliate.
If the child is beaten, do you want to return it? This is a question that many parents care about.
Countering violence with violence is not the best way to do so, and it hinders the development of a child's emotional intelligence and social abilities.
Imagine if a child finds that it is very effective to fight back, as long as he hits back, other children will not dare to hit him again to grab his toys.
The child may resort to violence as soon as he encounters problems in the future, and where will he think of other ways to resolve contradictions and conflicts.
Moreover, if the disparity in strength between the two children is very large, it may make the children suffer even greater losses.
A better way than to fight back is to start with a verbal warning and teach the child to say out loud, "Stop!" You can't hit me", or "You're not right to hit me", combined with the "stop" gesture to activate self-defense.
If the other party still continues, you can ask for help from the adults around you, which can be teachers or parents.
We want our children to understand that if they are beaten, there is no shame in asking for help.
Moreover, when children ask for help, we need to intervene, because many situations cannot be judged, and adults will solve the problem better.
Finally, one more thing. When our parents usually have conflicts with others in their lives, they cannot be solved in a simple and rough way.
You should connect with the person directly responsible, and then use words to express your feelings and thoughts, and reasonably defend your rights.
The growth of children is a process of learning and imitation, seeing how parents do it, so as to imitate.
So, what kind of person you want your child to be, you have to be what kind of person you want to be first.
In this world, the enviable "other people's children" have traces to follow, all of which are exchanged by parents with real efforts, and educating children really can't be lazy.
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Hello, I am Li Diandian, 4-year-old daughter tomato, 9-year-old son potato ma ma, good at using comics and text to record the daily life of the second child chicken flying dog jumping, sharing hardcore learning resources and reliable, in-depth parenting dry goods.