Psychologist Adler said: "Lucky people, all their lives are cured by childhood, unfortunate people, all their lives are cured of childhood." ”
Childhood experience is the background of life and will also affect the values of many people.
A person grows up in love, his heart will also be full of love, treat people with a gentle personality, a person has suffered too many grievances, if the emotions are not released, it is easy to lose control because of a small thing, and do things that hurt others and hurt themselves.
Ma Jinku, a post-90s man, belongs to the latter category, and after making a big mistake, he said in court: "I hope that I can be sentenced to death and executed immediately, thank you!" The corners of his mouth still had an uncut smile.
Many people don't understand, is he really seeing through life and has no expectations for life? What did he go through? His tragedy deserves the deep consideration of every parent.
Drifting childhood
Ma Jinku was born into an ordinary family in Heilongjiang, and his parents divorced.
The father had a violent personality and a bad hobby of playing cards, lost all the family's savings, and punched and kicked his wife, who could not stand it and came out of the house.
A woman who has no job and is worried that she will not be able to give her children a good life, so she leaves Makinku to her father, and she does not think that a single thought will bring great harm to the child.
The father remarried, the stepmother had a very bad attitude towards Ma Jinku, she could not control her husband, so she threw anger on Ma Jinku, and once slapped him in the face, ma jinku lost his hearing.
The young Ma Jinku did not know who to rely on, his father often did not come home, and his stepmother did not have a good face for him, he could only live carefully for food and clothing, lest he provoke his stepmother to be angry and make himself not even have to eat.
When Ma jinku was 4 years old, his father deliberately killed people because he played cards, and his stepmother did not want to raise him anymore, he was sent to his biological mother, and his biological mother also married, and he became a drag oil bottle.
His mother was still very distressed about him, and took Ma Jinku in her arms and gave him some warmth of maternal love, but her stepfather had a cold attitude towards him and felt that he was a burden, which made Ma Jinku's heart feel another layer of pressure.
In order to make his stepfather happy, he studied hard and won back a certificate of award in exchange for a short period of stability, but with the birth of his sister, he was not tolerated by his stepfather.
Ma jinku's admission to a key high school was originally a happy thing, but because of the tuition fee of 6,000 per year, the stepfather felt pressure, and he refused to provide tuition.
Several times Ma Jinku called his mother, and he heard the quarrel on the other end of the phone, as well as the suppressed sobbing of his mother, and his self-esteem did not allow him to escape, and he offered to drop out of school to work.
Marginalized teenagers
The process of part-time work is not smooth.
Ma Jinku is introverted, not good at communicating with people, often ostracized when working, and some people joke about him in public.
He is not good at refuting, he can only suppress anger in his heart, work is a living security for him, he does not dare to lose.
In order to get a balance in his heart, Makinku likes to go online after work, he plays games very well, when playing games in a team, a girl shows him a good feeling, the two have a love, Makinku promised that he would work hard and save enough money to marry her.
But the feelings are changeable, although Ma Jinku is good to the girl, and when the girl needs it, he lends the other party a few sums of money, but the other party still leaves her, on the grounds that he can't see the future in him.
The unsatisfactory work, coupled with the frustration of feelings, let Ma Jinku have no place to vent in his heart, it seems that he is calm on the surface, and his heart has long been overwhelmed, he does not understand why he treats people sincerely, but he cannot get a response from the other party.
There is a Tianma vault rest, he is sleeping lazily, received a phone call to unload, he was very irritable, got up to make him lose his mind, ran to the kitchen to put more than 20 sleeping pills into the porridge being cooked, originally thought that everyone was dozing off can take a break, did not expect colleagues to drink porridge, vomiting symptoms, the original work of several people, have fallen on him alone.
After a busy day, Ma Jinku was ready to rest after work, and was shouted by the boss's daughter-in-law to help coax the child, he was originally in a bad mood, seeing the child who was crying, he was even more irritable, he refused, but the other party said "You are a part-time worker, let you do whatever you want", this sentence touched his self-esteem.
Perhaps thinking that he had not been respected, Ma Jinku lost his mind, picked up the axe and smashed it at the other party, he later recalled that at that time, his mind was blank, he was not afraid, and he did not know how to stop, he did not have any resentment with the other party, it was the outbreak of his emotions.
This is also what we have always reminded, do not stimulate a depressed person, you never know what kind of things the other party will do when the emotions are out of control.
How to heal the wounds of the original family?
Back to Makinku, why did he do it?
First, such behavior is related to experience.
Ma Jinku's life is full of ups and downs, his family is incomplete, his father is violent, and his mother's remarriage has left him with no sense of belonging.
He longed to be loved, but he never got it, and his heart was out of balance.
Secondly, it has to do with personality.
He is introverted, not good at talking, and does not know how to solve his grievances, being excluded by colleagues, and the sudden overtime, which makes him feel angry.
If someone around him could be relieved in time and guide him to relieve his emotions, maybe he would not have done such an extreme thing.
No one's life is smooth sailing, everyone has their own experience, some people encounter more difficulties than him, why they can grow into gentle people, the key is self-mediation.
Teacher Wu Zhihong in the book "Why The Family Hurts People", we do not recommend that we change our parents, if you meet a grumpy parent, instead of changing him, it is better to forgive him.
His mistakes have nothing to do with you, you don't need to pay for the other person's behavior, you can completely improve yourself and get out of the original circle.
All the past is the prologue.
There is no way we can change our childhood, but through hard work, we can give our children a better childhood.
In psychology, there is a "spiritual mother", which means that we are easily affected by the growth environment and living habits, these thoughts also affect our spirit, in order to change ourselves, we need to upgrade our thinking and get rid of the influence of the original thinking concepts.
This is a bit difficult, but it is very necessary, if you always think of yourself as a hurt person, when you encounter problems and do not consciously complain, you will fall into the negativity of self-compassion, and if you can be self-reliant, you will focus your thinking on finding a way to solve the problem.
Those memories hidden in your mind will pop up from time to time, bringing you some emotions, you can learn to separate, subconsciously tell yourself that you are strong and will not be swayed by the emotions of the past.
People who are swayed by emotions are pathetic, like Ma Jinku, his stubbornness can't help him, and when he learns that he will spend the rest of his life in prison, the smile in his eyes is gone.
I also hope that his things can make parents in the world wake up, the child's heart is delicate and sensitive, when the child is young, give the child more trust and encouragement, do not let him be affected by his own emotions, let the child live out of himself, is the duty of parenthood.