He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
The childhood of the famous entrepreneur and speaker "Dale Carnegie" was unfortunate.
His misfortune is that he has a father who particularly hates him and has a bad family.
During Carnegie's childhood, he had a bad relationship with his father.
The father remarried and the stepmother moved into the house.
The father introduced Carnegie to his stepmother this way: "Please pay attention to the worst boy in the city, he will do something bad that you can't think of. ”
But the stepmother's performance is not indifference, not silence.
She walked up to Carnegie and communicated with Carnegie with her kindness and praise:
"I think he's the smartest boy, but he doesn't find a place to vent his enthusiasm."
Childhood misfortunes were altered by the appearance of the stepmother.
Carnegie's fate was rewritten, and since then, with faith and courage, he has stepped to the high point of life step by step.
Psychologically speaking:
"Deep down, people crave recognition, encouragement and praise from the outside world, which is everyone's need."
In intimate relationships, learning to praise is the most effective way to bring feelings closer.
-01
The Language of Love: Praise
In The Five Languages of Love, several languages about love are mentioned.
In order:
Words of affirmation, elaborate moments, romantic gifts, acts of service, physical contact.
And the words of affirmation come first, which shows the importance of praise in intimate relationships.
What is the language of praise?
The "words of affirmation" mentioned in the book include: praise, encouragement, support, recognition, inclusive understanding and other positive communication styles.
Like what:
In the process of getting along with your lover, don't skimp on your praise for him.
He learned to make a new dish for you to eat, whether it tastes good or bad, to give him praise and encouragement in time.
"It's so happy to be with you, you're getting more and more talented at cooking~"
If he comes up with certain ideas and has further plans for future planning, if you think it is more feasible, give him support and recognition.
Recognition and encouragement from our loved ones can often inspire our inner fighting spirit and courage.
Why do women like to listen to sweet talk?
In fact, sweet words are another form of praise.
What do men like to hear? Men like to be adored and like to be respected.
In men's bones, there is a strong sense of self-esteem.
Therefore, when getting along with lovers, men should learn to recognize and learn to occasionally say some sweet words.
Women need support and praise, and don't skimp on their sense of adoration.
Good love is often based on "praise".
-02
Why are some people reluctant to compliment each other?
First: Praising the other person will reduce self-esteem
Some people are stronger in their relationships and they are reluctant to verbally lose to each other.
Tongue-in-cheek, knife-mouthed tofu heart.
Attack the other party with the strongest language, but silently do something for the other party;
Always overpowering each other in language, but always considering the feelings of two people.
Such a person is cute and hateful.
Cuteness lies in the fact that their efforts for love are sincere and try to consider the feelings of two people.
Hatefully, they are unwilling to be soft and unwilling to show weakness.
In their consciousness, they think: "Isn't praising the other person something that makes me lose face?" ”
You see, this falls into the misunderstanding of love.
The stronger you are, the more the other person is disgusted with you.
Second: Think that the other party is useless and not worthy of praise
A male reader left me a message.
He said that after 5 years of marriage with his lover, he became more and more depressed.
The reason is: after so many years of love, I rarely hear my lover praise him and appreciate him.
No matter how well he did, what he achieved, how much money he made, he never got the praise of his lover.
In fact, all he needs is a compliment, a recognition, and a sentence of "you have worked hard."
Such a simple need, but the partner can not meet him.
For this reason, the two people often quarrel, and the contradiction is getting deeper and deeper.
After reading the story of the male reader, I was very emotional.
Some people always go their own way, overconsidering "self-feelings" in their feelings, and often ignoring their partner's thoughts and moods.
Even if the other person is really not so good, you should try to find the good in him.
For example:
Although he did not make much money, he was family-oriented, careful, and considerate; although he was a little lazy, he paid a lot for the family.
If he really is useless, why did you choose to be with him?
-03
How to praise each other when you get along with each other?
In intimate relationships, it is important to understand this truth:
If you criticize the other party 10 sentences, it is not as effective as praising the other party 1 sentence.
For example:
When parents educate their children, do not always belittle him, ridicule him, and criticize him.
He had a bad exam, don't rush to criticize, try to praise him:
"You're so smart, is that the reason you're careless this time?" Keep up the good work, and I'm sure you'll do better next time. ”
If you always criticize him:
"You're so stupid that you can't do such a simple problem?" How did I give birth to such a stupid child as you. ”
In contrast, which one is easier for the other party to accept?
This is especially true of the relationship between lovers.
Learning to praise, encourage, appreciate, and give positive feedback to the other person will make him love you more.
Praising the other party means improving the "sense of value" of the other party; and the sense of value increases, and his courage and sense of responsibility will be enhanced.
To learn to praise, there are two main steps to remember.
First: Praise with words.
Second: Support with action.
The praise of words is the encouragement of words: you are great, I am happy with you, you have worked hard, etc.
Action support is: when he comes up with the idea that it is more feasible and has nothing to lose to the family, give him appropriate support.
For example, if he wants to play games, wants to buy a computer, wants to start a business, etc., as long as you think it is feasible, then give him enough support.
Only praise can bring the feelings between lovers closer.
The other person is happy, you are happy; the other person loves you more, gives more for you, and your happiness will also increase.
So, why not?
Today's Topic:
Will you compliment each other?
(Article with picture source network)