Love is not possession, but equality and respect.
Mention this sentence, it is from the feeling, because some people, have not been able to distinguish the boundary between love and control, always think that love must control your whole, if you oppose, then it is not to love me.
You don't feel ridiculous, such a person really exists, and life is by no means a case, the following to tell you the story of a couple, the psychology of men deserves everyone's attention.
Once a month, the husband loses control of his emotions and the wife is afraid
Ms. Wu and her husband have been married for 17 years and have a son.
She told everyone: "He will lose control of his emotions once a month, just like coming to menstruation, he can't control it and beat me, my son hid the kitchen knife and fruit knife at home, let a child hide, how scared the child is in his heart." ”
As she spoke, Ms. Wu burst into tears, and her pain was nowhere to be hidden.
As for the reason for the husband's tantrum, it is also very simple, sometimes she sent a circle of friends, the husband felt inappropriate, a slap to her mouth for 2 minutes can not close.
Another time, the husband washed her hair, unscrewed the lid of the shampoo, and the bottle was poured out, and the shampoo inside flowed out, she said a word, and the husband also beat her violently.
These small things that look inconspicuous to us have angered her husband again and again, and Ms. Wu lives with fear and fear, she is very afraid, worried that which of her words will provoke her husband and be scolded by the other party.
Ms. Wu is not a full-time mother, she has a stable job, looks very beautiful, the husband is because he likes her, only to take the initiative to pursue, why after marriage will change a person, can not control the emotions?
The explanation of her husband, Mr. Zhao, is: "It is not like this every month, two or three times a year. ”
He also said that he does not smoke, does not drink, does not play cards, does not have any bad hobbies, is focused on his career, has a lot of pressure, and does not want others to look down on him as a rural person.
Seeing the injuries on his wife's body, he did not have the slightest pity in his eyes, but complained about his wife: "I really did not touch the bottle, you misunderstood me." ”
If it's just a misunderstanding, wouldn't it be nice to explain it clearly? Why use violence to solve, behind the violence is incompetence.
Mr. Zhao mentioned that he did not have any hobbies, and the pressure of his career was very large, revealing that he had a strong sense of self-esteem, and his heart was also very inferior, he felt that it was easy to be looked down upon in the countryside, and he held this vigilant attitude to get along with people, and a word from others was likely to stab him.
In psychology, there is a "depressive mania", which refers to those who do not have normal emotional catharsis channels, he is easy to encounter problems, emotional extremism can not be reasonably vented, and then hurt the people closest to him.
This is also what Ms. Wu said about the "emotional cycle", Mr. Zhao does not dare to lose his temper outside, he will be stressed to a certain time, he will be because of a small matter at home, the mood of his wife is out of control, perhaps Mr. Zhao himself does not realize how much he hurts his wife.
The wife filed for divorce and the man took out a video
Having been hurt again and again, Ms. Wu didn't want to put up with it anymore.
When she was discharged from the hospital, she took a lawyer home and put a divorce agreement in front of her husband.
Mr. Zhao did not say anything at that time, directly signed, but regretted it at night, crying and begging his wife to turn back, giving himself another chance to let the marriage continue, and said that he would definitely change and not lose his temper in the future.
But Ms. Wu refused to believe it anymore, she left the house the next day, Mr. Zhao was not reconciled, and found someone to follow his wife to see what she was doing.
In Mr. Zhao's view, he has already apologized, and his wife still refuses to turn back, then it is not his own problem, it must be that his wife has two hearts, or has already changed her feelings.
In order to confirm his conjecture, Mr. Zhao was looking for evidence, and he saw Ms. Wu sitting in a colleague's car, thinking that his guess was correct. Another time, when he saw Ms. Wu's car parked in front of a hotel, he felt that his guess was justified.
He said to Ms. Wu, "You give me another chance, or I'll expose the video and let everyone see what kind of person you really are." ”
Ms. Wu did not know what video he had in his hand, and said frankly: "You release it, I am not afraid, and I have not done anything." ”
Some people advised Mr. Zhao that if he really wanted to save the marriage, he would show a sincere attitude and threaten with video, which not only would not play a positive role, but also might invade the privacy of the other party.
But Mr. Zhao asked to find out: "She has such a firm attitude to divorce, she must have an idea in her heart, otherwise how can she not turn back?" ”
So sad, his wife has left, Mr. Zhao still does not realize his own problems, but thinks that his wife's feelings are betrayed, but a person's heart is cold, really look down on the feelings, maybe it is really not what he imagined.
With the unanimous consent of Mr. Zhao and Ms. Wu, the observers on the field watched the video and came to a conclusion.
First of all, the video is secretly filmed and cannot be used as evidence.
Secondly, judging from the video, it can't prove anything unless you have a strong ability to imagine.
In addition, after the divorce, Ms. Wu has her own social freedom.
That is to say, the content of this video does not prove anything, more is Mr. Zhao's conjecture, and this is also related to his consistent attitude, many times, he is irritable, but also related to his own groundless suspicions.
Mr. Zhao has always had an inferiority complex about himself coming out of the countryside, worried that the people around him look down on him, and has been proving his ability and wanting to do his career.
His pressure can not be effectively transferred, but also related to his own thinking, he thinks that he is very wronged, has worked very hard, why the people around him do not understand him.
The wife wants to divorce himself, he can't see his fault, and thinks that his wife has changed his heart, and it is certain that if he does not change himself, even if he enters the marriage again, it will be difficult to be happy.
Because a person who does not know how to reflect is difficult to change the problem, he will be paranoid that he is not wrong, you do not understand him, is to look down on him.
Write at the back:
Someone on the Internet asked: "What kind of marriage will be happy?" ”
There are many answers below, one of which is gaozan' answer: "There is a person who can understand each other." ”
Really, understanding each other is too important.
Many couples come to an end in their feelings, that is, they do not understand each other, and both sides are very aggrieved, because the thinking of the two is not on the same level at all.
It doesn't matter if there is a generation gap in thinking, the other party is still inferior and sensitive, a little thing will lose his temper, so that every day of life is trembling, do not know what things will anger the other party.
On the surface, Mr. Zhao is a good person, he works hard, goes home on time, and has no bad habits.
But he is not a good husband because he lives in his own world, likes to see things from his own point of view, is narrow-minded, and acts extremely aggressively.
With him, Ms. Wu feels fear, the best way to meet such a person is to stay away, you have no way to change him, Mr. Zhao if he really recognizes his mistake, he will not take out that video.
He can't let go of his feelings, and he doesn't know how to use a positive attitude to redeem it, but through tracking and taking pictures, he wants to push the problem on his wife and let himself stand on the moral high ground.
From this point of view, I don't believe he will change, because a person's real change is to recognize his mistakes.
In the case of Mr. Zhao, it is suggested that he can have a hobby, such as running or fitness, so that his emotions can get a catharsis, release the pressure, and the mood will become sunny.
Feelings are not sought, it must be that both parties are attracted to each other, if you can't even give each other a basic sense of security, why talk about love?
Here, I also want to tell the girl that in love, you must know more about each other's personality, do not be deceived by the other party's apparent honesty, sometimes, honest people, not necessarily honest.
Today's topic: Can you tolerate domestic violence? Welcome to leave a message to talk about your views~