"Wen | Pistachio Mom (original article, welcome to personal reprint and share)"
When it comes to the word "abduction", I believe that parents will shake three times. Because once this matter is encountered by their own children, then the consequences are unimaginable.
However, we can often see the "search notice", the pain of these parents, people who have not experienced it can not imagine. And some "abductions" may also have a certain relationship with their parents.
01 Knowing that he was abducted, he did not dare to find his family, only because of his mother's words
During this time, I believe that many people are more concerned about the affairs of Sun Haiyang's father and son, and the family can be reunited again, and it is indispensable to the great hero "Fu Jiantao", a child who has also been abducted.
In reading Fu Jiantao's own self-description, Guo Mama was shocked by his mental journey.
When Fu Jiantao was on the road to being abducted, he knew that he had been abducted. However, he did not dare to say anything, first, he was afraid of being beaten, and second, there was another important reason, that his mother had said to him: "If you don't obey any more, you won't be wanted!" ”
Therefore, after Fu Jiantao felt that he had been abducted, he thought that his mother did not want to be himself, and sold himself, which was agreed by both the buyer and the seller!
Fu Jiantao, who has a strong memory, has always known that he was abducted and sold, and he also knows that it is not his own biological parents who raised him later. It was many years before he plucked up the courage to find his biological parents.
In the past 14 years, Fu Jiantao's mother Peng Dongying has also been tortured, afraid to move, for fear that the child will not find herself when she returns.
Although the current ending has been considered satisfactory, if her mother had not intimidated Fu Jiantao so much, would this tragedy, this abduction, not have happened? Or can mother and son reunite earlier?
02 Some things really can't be said to children, and jokes are not ok
Peng Dongying regretted it because he said to Fu Jiantao, "If you don't obey any more, you won't be wanted."
However, how many parents, the elderly, relatives and friends, etc. in our lives are still saying such things to their children? Parents always feel that such words can make children obedient and sensible, but what parents use is only the child's dependence and love for themselves, and the impact of such words on children may also be fatal!
Guo Ma listed a few words that are often heard in life, and hoped that these words would not be said to their children again! Don't tell it to someone else's kids!
The first sentence: "If you don't obey any more, your mother won't want you!" Sell you! ”
There are too many parents who have said this! Not only will others tell their children, but some parents often intimidate their children, especially the elderly in the family, even more!
In that case, for adults, it is a joke with the child, or it can make the child understand and obey, but for the child, this sentence is like "thunderbolt on a sunny day". Because for children, parents are all they are, and if parents abandon themselves, it is equivalent to losing the whole world.
Therefore, at this time, most of the children will choose to obey.
Once a child meets a bad person, the child may really feel that the parent has abandoned him.
This, in fact, is very detrimental to the establishment of a child's sense of security.
The second sentence: "You are an older brother/sister, and you must let your brother/sister!" ”
Now there are more and more families with two children, and are you also very familiar with this?
The big ones seem to have become "traditional virtues", but have parents ever thought that the big treasure is only a few years old children, why do they have to give in to the big treasure in the end?
The second-child family, the parents are because the second treasure is relatively small, so in the stage of time, will spend more time on the small treasure, at this time the big treasure is some grievances, parents and then only care about maintaining the small treasure, then, the heart of the big treasure should be how uncomfortable! Moreover, this is also very unfavorable to the feelings between siblings.
XiaoBao is the responsibility of parents, not Dabao.
Parents want dabao and xiaobao to really live in harmony, then they have to have a bowl of water to level and give the two children unbiased love. Dabao also has no reason to let Xiaobao, but a dabao full of parental love will naturally love his younger siblings.
Third sentence: "How can you be so stupid!" Such a thing can't be done well! You look at XXX, all better than you! ”
When parents say these words, they will mostly appear in the case of their children's poor grades, wrong topics, and wrong things.
Using negativity and comparison to evaluate their children is a very undesirable way for parents to educate. This not only cannot arouse the child's fighting spirit, but will plant the seeds of inferiority in the child's heart.
Each child is an independent individual and cannot be compared with other children. If you must compare, you must also compare yourself with yourself.
Only comparing yourself with yourself is the real benign growth!
Fourth sentence: "You are a student, and good grades are the most important thing!" ”
How many children have been ruined by this sentence!
In the guoma department, there was once such a boy, graduated from a famous school, and when he first entered the department, all the tests were full of scores, although he felt not flexible enough after work, but the overall was not bad.
But suddenly one day, the boy offered to leave because our department was too busy and often had to work overtime.
Guo Mom felt that although she was busy, the improvement of a person's ability was very fast, and the salary was not bad. Later, when asked what life the boy wanted, the boy's answer surprised Guo Ma.
The boy said, "I want the kind that is very idle at work, can sit and drink tea, read the newspaper, and has a high salary." ”
After a deep chat, I learned that the boy's parents had always instilled a thought in him when he was a student: you are a student, and good grades are the most important! As long as you have good grades, a good university, and later graduate, you can find a job that only needs to drink tea and read the newspaper!
Grades have become the only criterion for measuring children, which is not only not conducive to children forming a good world view, but also narrows the child's pattern and vision, so that children lose their fighting spirit and become a nerd.
Pistachio Mom message
All these harsh words we say are nothing more than trying to sway the children. However, parents forget their duty as parents, not to choose the designated path for their children and to carry their children on their backs, but as a leader, to guide their children to walk on their own.
A sensible child will not forget to love his parents, but he will forget to love himself.
So, parents, please stop verbal violence and language kidnapping, and let your child's heart truly belong to you!
I am a pistachio mother, with a pen in my right hand, a child with my left hand, and becoming a 60-point mother and a 90-point self is the goal I am working towards. Friends who like me can follow me and let's discuss the issue of parenting and self-rearing.
PS: the picture comes from the network, if there is infringement, please contact to delete!