The middle-aged mother broke down and cried: I spent the first half of my life to raise my child into an enemy
Looking back on the previous hot searches, one of the things that I remember most is that the abducted child prototype Sun Zhuo in the "Dear" movie was retrieved.
In a few days, there was another child who was abducted at about the same time, Fu Jiantao, who was on the hot search.
To some extent, Fu Jiantao is not as lucky as Sun Zhuo, he was also abducted at the age of 4, but Fu Jiantao had already begun to remember things at that time, so the scene of being abducted was really unforgettable.
Because of this memory, Fu Jiantao was cautious after being abducted to his new home, because he knew that the parents in front of him were not his own biological parents.
He said that one day he would find his family, and even remembered the appearance of the trafficker, just to find him when he grew up and let him be punished as he deserved.
After this matter was exposed, a reporter interviewed Fu Jiantao, and when asked why he did not choose to call the police or leave his adoptive parents, what he said made me feel particularly distressed.
Fu Jiantao: "At that time, I thought my mother had deliberately sold me." ”
It is not without reason for a child to feel this way.
Because whenever Fu Jiantao provoked his mother to be angry, his mother would say, "If you do this again, I will go to the traffickers to take you away, and I will not want you." ”
Because such a seemingly normal sentence led to the tragedy of today's day.
Because of this sentence, the child changed his previous personality in the new family and became a well-behaved version of Fu Jiantao.
The original family did not have the slightest information about Jiantao in the past fourteen years because of this sentence.
The reasons behind this situation are really worth pondering to prevent such tragedies from happening again.
What exactly does parent mean to a child?
Representing the harbor? Representing the source of love? Or is it hurt?
Some parents are indeed the bright sunshine that accompanies their children to grow up, and some parents are thorns on the road of children's growth.
I hope that the following types of mothers can have an epiphany as soon as possible and understand what true love is for their children.
01
Restrain the child with what the child is afraid of
Just looking at the title will feel very far away from yourself, so look at what people often say:
"If you cry again, I'll throw away all my snacks."
"You shut me up immediately, and then your mother will sell you and let the traffickers take you away."
"You immediately give me a serious study now, otherwise I will cancel it when I go out on the weekend"
As a mother, I understand the heartache of the process of taking children, and I know that parents want to get a moment of peace immediately when facing crying children, but as adults, we should all be rational.
Please do not keep such harmful words on your lips, and it is even better not to say them.
I admit that the effect of these words on making children obedient is immediate, but the harm caused to children behind them is also immeasurable.
Fu Jiantao's answer is the best example, in fact, some adults can't really distinguish between true and false words now, let alone children.
The child will only take such serious words seriously and remember them deeply in his own mind.
People who are not sages can be blameless, so be tolerant of children and find the right way to convince children, rather than blindly intimidating children.
I have always encouraged parents to show their emotions to their children, in fact, children can understand.
But the premise of this display of emotion is not to use recycled love to hold the child hostage.
At this age, the most frightening thing for a child is to hear his parents say that they don't love him, which will make him feel like the sky is falling, because the child's whole world is you.
The child who hears this sentence will immediately clip his tail and be a man, because such words will make the child give up his feelings in exchange for a sense of security, thinking that the mother will change her mind.
In this case, over time, the child really becomes a non-noisy child, and when he grows up, his whole world is no longer a parent, or it may become a flattering personality.
In fact, the flattering personality is really painful, and when it is ignored by others, the first thing is to feel that you are wrong.
In order to integrate into the circle that does not belong to themselves, they will always meet the unreasonable needs of others and live like themselves.
These are all because when they were young, certain words made children feel that the recognition of others was above all else, and their self-worth was not worth mentioning.
Sometimes the child confirms the extent to which his parents love him by making unreasonable trouble.
Therefore, in the face of some unreasonable or dislike behaviors of children, it is enough to clearly say that the mother does not like it, which will not make the child feel safe.
02
Types of self-giving
"For you, I sacrificed my original self, and you don't understand my hard work at all."
"Do you know how tired I am? It's all for you to make it easier for me to make myself like this, and what are you doing now?"
"I grew all this white hair because of you, you don't know contentment yet"
"You are my thoughts now, because of you, I have chosen not to leave"
In fact, these sentences are a word that makes children very disgusted: because of you.
The mother who says these words seems great, but it is really just to make the child feel indebted to herself.
They thought that such children would give the same amount of love in the future.
But children do not understand such "selfless" love, or even unappreciative.
Because the child does not like the mother to change because of himself, the child wants the mother's world to be alone.
The child feels indebted to his mother, and in order to satisfy his mother, he becomes the person his mother wants him to be.
In fact, parents do not need to sacrifice so much for their children, it is great enough to bring him life, give the child the necessary things, and let the rest let the children go on their own.
03
Don't you feel the type I want to feel
"You're right to listen to me"
"What do you know now, Mom is all for your own good"
"Will Mom hurt you?" No, no, no, no negotiable."
This situation usually occurs in families where the role of the father is marginalized in the education of the child, so the mother will gradually play the role of father.
With the development of society, public opinion demands on mothers are becoming higher and higher, and many mothers will inadvertently become more and more powerful in order to have a majestic image in the hearts of their children.
But being too strong is not good for the child, this kind of mother constrains the child in all aspects, and the child really becomes a marionette.
Mothers will ask their children to do what they want to do, what they eat, what they wear, what friends they make, what they are not allowed to do.
When this type of child faces his mother, his mother sets up a good look, but when he is far away from his mother, he can really be himself, and at this time, he is often completely opposite to the original image.
The pain in the child's heart cannot be solved, while persuading herself to understand her mother, after all, she only has herself, on the other hand, she feels that her mother's control is driving her crazy.
Mom thought that love pushed the two people farther and farther apart.
I hope that such mothers will have an epiphany as soon as possible that their children are not their own objects, and let their children become the people they want to be.