One
Why do some mothers and children have an enemy relationship?
After writing this story, I was actually a bit suffocated.
Because there are some fragments that also happened when I was young.
When I grew up, I learned to think in empathy, and I was able to untie the knots of my childhood.
But some children are not so lucky,
For example, Fu Jiantao, a child who was rescued at the same time as Sun Zhuo.
When he was 4 years old, he knew he had been abducted.
Knowing that it was not his biological parents,
But he didn't resist, he didn't call the police.
Because he thought he had been sold by his mother.
The reason for this is because my mother used to say:
丨 If you don't obey any more, I'll sell you!"
Fu Jiantao of childhood believed that it was true,
He became a "good child" in his new home.
Parents never know,
What your words mean to your child.
Two
Have you ever found:
There are fewer and fewer words for their own children and their own.
丨Children shut themselves in their rooms all day and don't communicate with you?
丨You talk to your child, but he is very perfunctory.
If you have already encountered these problems,
Think about whether you have any of the following three situations:
1, like to open conditions with children
丨 If you don't write your homework well, don't watch TV!
丨 You are making trouble, I don't want you!
丨 If you don't eat well, you won't take you to the park on weekends!
Children can be really head-scratching at times, and talking to them about conditions does work. But in the long run, just like "the wolf is coming", the child will not only not listen, but even numb. They will feel that their parents simply do not love them. For young children, it is a terrible thing for parents to take back their love, and they will be insecure. Then form a "flattering personality" to please adults. When the child grows up, he will also try desperately to please others. Because this has become their "law of survival".
You can actually do this: if you don't like children doing certain things, you can just say "I don't like it." For example: I don't like it when you make a fuss and make me feel disrespected. Or "Don't yell, it's rude!" "Let the child understand clearly that parents just don't like one of their behaviors, not don't love them."
2, talk about how hard you work
丨 How much suffering I have suffered when I gave birth to you, you don't know how grateful you are!
丨 If it weren't for you, would I have been so worried?!
丨 How tired I am to take you out, who does not want to lie at home, you are not obedient!
It seems that parents are talking about their difficulties, but what they hide is accusations. Accusing children of ignorance makes them feel guilty. This is typically the "kidnapping" in the name of love. The aim is to allow children to listen to themselves and obey themselves. However, this method will not only not make the child obedient, but will make him flee. They will feel that as long as they are gone, the parents' unhappiness can disappear.
In fact, you can do this: parents take care of and nurture their children, and the children can see it. Parents want them to be better, better, more successful, at best for their own sake. It is the parents who impose their own ideas on their children, hoping that the children will become what they want. But this is not the child's intention, so appropriately relax your own mentality and set a larger range for the child's behavior. As long as he's out of the ordinary. Within that range, the child is free.
3, too strong
丨You don't need to ask why, I'm doing it for your own good!
丨 I said no is not OK!
丨I gave birth to you out, I can't care about you yet?!
It is common for parents to take care of their children in every detail, and they must take care of what they eat, what they wear, and what they associate with friends. In the long run, the child will either be domesticated, and will find a strong partner in the future, because this is already his habitual way of life. Either become very rebellious and have to do everything in opposition to your parents. The mood is getting more and more irritable.
In fact, you can do this: love and love are two different things, every parent loves their children, but they don't know "how to love". The strong way is the most direct, the most convenient, but also the most harmful to the child. Children also need to be cared for, and spending more time with, understanding, and integrating into children is the performance of love.
Three
Do you feel depressed after listening to this?
Do you remember that your parents treated you the same way when you were a child?
If you feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable,
So why would you do the same thing to your child?
You might say:
丨 Because I love ta! Of course I want to give him everything that's good
丨 You don't know how strong the current social competition is, now regardless of teaching, will you wait for the society to suffer in the future?
丨 A look is not a parent, standing and talking does not hurt!
But before every parent becomes a parent,
It's someone else's child.
I think every kid,
They don't want their parents to do it for themselves,
And the sacrifice is a lot.
Because they will blame themselves, they will feel guilty,
Even feel like you were born,
Is it a problem for parents?
But this is not the intention of parents,
They want their children to get the best in the world.
Be the happiest and happiest child in the world.
It's just that they love their son,
In the wrong way.
Educator Lu Jun said:
丨The most useless way of education in the world is to lose your temper, be reasonable and deliberately move.
The reason why we give our children too many expectations,
In fact, it's just that the self is not realized.
But that's not what kids want.
If you don't want your child to drift away from yourself,
Please correct these misunderstandings,
Lower your expectations,
Even, you can make yourself change back into a child first,
Chat with them as equals.