Some people use childhood to heal a lifetime, and some people use a lifetime to heal childhood.
Listening to this sentence makes people can't help but feel a little sad, the pain of the original family has become the psychological shadow of how many people have a lifetime, and how many children are suffering from the torture of the original family, and the children and parents do not know.
The parents of the older generation are from the period of suffering, they have suffered enough of life, they only hope to get ahead, they have no ability to achieve it, so they put these wishes on the child,ask the child to just study, nothing else need to be asked, do not know that some of the parents' actions, did not help the child, but made the child more and more inferior, some more and more rebellious, the child grew physically, but did not grow spiritually.
In fact, everyone knows that everything parents do is for the child, but most parents only know how to meet the material needs of their children, often ignoring the psychological needs of children, although they may not see any difference in a short period of time, but in the long run, children's behavior habits and ways of thinking will be greatly affected.
Below I have divided the behaviors of parents that inadvertently harm their children's mental health into the following four categories, let's see if your family has been recruited.
Parents lie to their children
This one is the most common, for example, the child goes home to ask the parents how the economic situation is at home, the parents in order not to let the child develop the habit of luxury, in order not to let the child be extravagant, obviously the family conditions are acceptable, but deceive the child to say that the family is very poor, in fact, although this practice will make the child spend less money, but also in the child's heart sowed the seed of inferiority, the child will think that he is very poor, nothing worthy, in the long run, the child will become timid, do not dare to fight for anything.
For another example, the child's test results are very good, parents promise to keep it next time then take the child out to travel, but the child did it, the parents said that the work is too busy to have time, before saying that it is just to motivate the child to study hard, although this practice can be seen that the parents' starting point is better, but it has caused a lot of harm to the child's psychology, the child will feel that the words spoken can not be observed, and slowly will become a lack of integrity.
Deny your child the right to choose
In this case of the family, often the parents are more dominant, everything about the child is arranged by the parents, the child seems to live a life of eating to open his mouth, clothes to reach out, but often personality can not get the respect of the parents, become the parents in the cage of the canary, the child wants to buy a dress, the mother said what dress the student wears, or sportswear is good-looking, the child wants to buy a pair of rackets, the father said that after being admitted to a good university, he wants to buy what he wants to buy, and the child's choice is denied by the parents again and again, and then goes out shopping later. Parents ask their children what they want, the children can say anything, and parents in turn will blame the children for not having an opinion.
Children who grow up in such a family model often develop a personality, that is, a flattering personality, and when they grow up, they dare not say a "no" word when they face their friends and lovers, and will only blindly consider each other, because they have not learned to refuse since they were young.
Suppress education
Suppressing education is also known as "afraid of children's pride", but he is just a child, pride and pride to where to go, nothing more than to share their happiness with good friends, some parents have made this taboo, the child has scored 98 points, the parents are very happy, the surface is still pretending to be cold, "Ok, next time work harder", which for the child, it is undoubtedly poured a bucket of ice water, obviously has worked very hard, but has never been recognized by the parents.
In fact, parents are also very happy in their hearts, so why bother, both sides are not happy, it is better to generously tell the child that it is doing a great job, and continue to refuel in the future, the child will not feel the comfort of the parents.
Put too much pressure
In order to make the child's future achievements, this kind of parents take the side of the sword, hoping to exchange pressure for motivation and make the child self-motivated, such as frequently saying in the child's ear that everything the parents do is for him, must study well, and honor the parents well in the future.
In fact, it is understandable that the parents' approach is to let the child know gratitude, understand the parents' not easy, so as to study hard, but such a wrong behavior, often will ruin the child, because in the child's view, the parents are putting pressure on his life, he is afraid that he can not complete the tasks given to him by his parents, he is afraid of failing to live up to the expectations of his parents, so he is more likely to be distracted and go to the road of self-abandonment.
In fact, as a parent, we all hope that our children will thrive and have a pioneering life, but they must also occasionally consider problems from the perspective of their children, understand each other, and grow up with each other, because if they are not careful, their children will grow up.