I am often asked: Can I write an article detailing what I can do with my child every day by age and time in order to maximize my child's potential? To put it utilitarianly: how do I make my kids smarter?
In this regard, I would like to talk to you about the story of me and Little D. Little D is lagging behind in all aspects due to premature birth, and it needs to be evaluated every six months. Her cognitive teacher asked me: Do you want your child to lay a good foundation? Or do you want your child to look better at the results? I firmly chose to lay the foundation, but the first two years were full of stress and anxiety, and the results of The first few evaluations of Little D were very poor, really a lot of no! (Because there is no teaching).
But what is interesting is that after the age of 2, little D2 suddenly "opened up" one day: she learned and absorbed knowledge efficiently, and there was a big leap in cognitive development, she could consciously read independently, she was a sound bilingual baby, and she could tell me her picture book stories at the age of 2. The gap of 2 years behind the children of the same age has caught up, and the concentration, observation and imagination are slightly higher than those of the same age.
This process made me extremely convinced that the child's brain is indeed infinitely possible, and it also made me understand that every ordinary parent can become the child's original and best teacher as long as he masters the right method. Here I will first introduce you to some of the most basic knowledge.
When we say "enlightenment", we must first understand, what is the object of enlightenment? It's the child, that is, the child's brain. I've always likened the brains of preschoolers to a rough siamese villa.
The birth of the child means that the villa has been handed over. Parents can start working on the villa and design the layout. The process of renovating this small villa is the process of our children's enlightenment.
A good designer must know: on the basis of not being able to change the type of apartment, as far as possible to improve the living experience of the house.
Through overall planning and comprehensive conditioning, it looks brighter, wider and more comfortable to live in.
Good parents must also know that the child's IQ (apartment type) is innate, but cognition (decoration) can be improved. Through enlightenment, we can optimize the cooperation of the whole team of the brain.
As you can see, the pattern of the brain is divided into two halves, and this small villa is inhabited by two neighbors with very different personalities on the left and right - the left side lives with strict "old scholars" and the right side lives with free "artists". (According to the chart below, try to feel, what kind of thinker are you on a daily basis?) ）
Preschoolers are right-brain preferences, so the first thing they think of when they encounter anything is, do you like me? Did it touch me, did it move me? Am I interested? Do I hate it? One of the main points of parental enlightenment is to first "do what it likes" with the right brain and consciously guide the child to use the left brain. Let the "old pedant" be able to enter the home of the "artist", visit each other's doors, and cooperate with each other.
After talking about the left and right of the "conjoined villa", let's look at the upper and lower layers, which correspond to the upper brain and the lower brain of the child's brain, respectively.
Upper brain: Responsible for those more advanced thinking skills, such as thinking ability, planning, empathy, self-management ability, or not fully developed.
Preschoolers are all people with unexplored upper brains. They cry when they are hungry, and they react in a stress response when they are anxious, and it is the lower brain that is at work. The second point for children's enlightenment: parents need to fully understand the initialization of the child's lower brain, and design strategies with consciousness to help them open the stair passage between the upper and lower brains, and learn to skillfully introduce the advanced thinking of the upper brain to participate in decision-making.
Summary: Preschool enlightenment should be more "in favor" of the right brain, and more "invite" the upper brain to think. These are the 2 points that each of our parents needs to remember and make good use of, and it is even the first problem-solving idea we need to use to communicate with our children and deal with parenting problems on a daily basis.
Decoration, first of all, to get the key to the door, the enlightenment is the same, the first thing to ensure is that we get the key to open the door of the child's heart, the following 5 points, is to help us.
Key 1: Teach children to learn emotional management
Scenario reproduction
Children can't play with a toy, do a thing right, and then trigger a violent temper. Mom wants to help, it is very common to say to the baby: we can't do this, do things with patience, you can use your brain again. But the child became more and more angry and continued to throw... The next time it was still like this Mom continued: I told you, don't throw toys. (The child is still throwing.) ）
Mom started to get a little angry: I counted "one, two, three" and couldn't throw toys. (The child continues to throw.) Finally: The mother gets angry and the child cries. What can I do with the 2 "factory settings" above?
1) Do what you like with the "right brain" (emotional brain): Before describing emotions and saying "no", first say "you..." "I..." Describe the facts instead of coming up and preaching, "You can't build a building block and are angry." Describe how the child's emotions are, that is, "what is wrong with you"; the child is the most sensitive to emotions, and it feels that the parents are right before they can accept the next step.
2) Introduce upper brain operations: accept bad emotions and limit bad behaviors "I also hope that the blocks can be set up high, well... So high, not right, so high, so high! The mother imitates the way the child racks his brains to solve difficulties, which is also a kind of silent empathy. They will think: What I want to do in my heart but have not been done, my mother fully understands me. At this time, they can further accept emotions, limit behavior, and at the same time motivate their left brain to participate in thinking. Tell your child, "You can't throw toys, but you can go into your mother's arms to get discouraged." ”
Or: "Toys can't be thrown, and if you feel too angry, you can stomp/draw with your mom." ”
They will slowly realize:
What are the emotions like?
When there are bad emotions, some behaviors cannot be done.
Want to get rid of your bad emotions? What can I do?
Key 2: Describe the problem, give information
This method is especially suitable for when you want your child to correct mistakes.
Scenario reproduction
The child is drawing, the paint is everywhere on the ground, we "how did you get the paint on the ground again?" Replace "How did you get the paint on the ground again" with "I saw the paint fall to the ground and it was all over the place". - Describe a fact you see.
"I don't like to see the ground full of spilled paint." Share things you don't like with your child (emotions) "The paint on the ground is dry and not easy to clean, so we have to draw on paper. Now let's wipe it clean with a damp cloth. In the process of introducing specific improvement methods, there are two key points:
1, try not to use questioning sentences, more use of declarative sentences,
2. Provide more information to explain "why" and "how to do" and guide the correct method
Learn these higher-order skills: such as thinking skills, empathy, everyone can only improve through repeated practice.
Key 3: Summarize the needs and invite the brain
This is especially useful when I want my child to learn to do something, which is a small detour I have taken, and it should be a typical case that many parents have resonance with.
Scenario reproduction
Little D is playing with puzzles, and after finding a piece, he did not put it in the correct position, and he is still trying. I can't help but want to help: you're not right, you want to put it here. (She didn't listen, still insisting on putting it where she thought it was right.) I said, "Why didn't you listen to what your mother said?" Mom told you, it's not right there, you have to put it here! (The child has a hands on it: Okay, mom put it.) Me: Well, Mom put it on you, put it here, and you keep playing. (Little D no longer wants to play with the puzzle, and gives it to his mother piece by piece: mother put it again.) Finally, we thought the child was going to meet and said, "Come on your own, your mother taught you." Child refuses: No, mom put, mom put! Do what you like with the right brain:
1, the language is one step faster, the action is one step slower, before the action, help the child summarize.
"I see you try to put this piece of the puzzle here, but it doesn't seem to fit in." "You look a little frustrated, you try several times and the puzzle just can't fit in." "If you keep trying here, maybe you won't be able to put it in."
2, the real help is to help children do it on their own.
"If the two of us use our brains together, maybe there is a way." Invite your child to work with you to find a way. "I see that this piece of the puzzle is square, which empty piece on the puzzle is square?" - Guide the child to discover, not do it for the child. When you see your child putting the puzzle upside down, you can say, "What do you think if we try to turn the puzzle in a different direction?" ”
This process, in fact, is to invite out the left brain, who likes logic and pays attention to details, and the thinking ability and planning of these ways of thinking have also been exercised. The perspective we give children to interpret the problem is to let the child understand where the problem is, so that the left brain and the right brain can communicate and cooperate.
When children feel that "this is how the problem could have been solved", it means that their upper brain has begun to carry out renovation and construction.
Key 4: The key to early education enlightenment: to open up the whole senses
This is a trick of a hundred ways. All of a child's learning is input by the senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, smell), and the better the sensory stimulation, the smoother the channel of their learning. We often say "mental skill" is also meaning.
When accompanying a baby every day, I will consider these 2 aspects:
1) Does my topic pique my child's interest?
2) Which dominant sense is he using now, and is it possible for me to invoke his other senses more to join in?
When I read with Little D, in addition to reading to her (auditory participation), I will also invite my child to observe and look for pictures (visual); when playing tactile games, not only let the child touch and experience (touch), but also cooperate with language description to let the child see the difference in these materials (visual) and hear the text we describe the touch (hearing).
When listening to nursery rhymes, you can jump together and play rhythms with nursery rhymes to do actions, which also integrates vision and vestibule while hearing.
Key 5: Fun is more important than useful
The enlightenment of the right brain to "do what it likes" translates to how parents let their children feel interesting, happy, and relaxed first, and the "strict" neighbor of the left brain will come out to visit the door.
Whenever I want Little D to learn a certain knowledge and a certain concept, I will first ask myself two questions:
1) What toys can incorporate this learning?
2) What mini-games can I learn while playing?
Not only for preschool enlightenment, but even after school age, it is also the most important point in protecting children's enthusiasm for learning. For example, in the first grade, the child will start to learn to write, in addition to copying, ask yourself more of the above two questions, the answer is different. For example, take out the plasticine, let the child use the plasticine to rub out the strokes of the word, and remember the stroke order in the process of doing the hand.
Another example is to develop the spatial concept of the baby, draw the outline of the building block plan on the paper, and see if the child can be accurately paired successfully:
This article is a fundamental understanding of cognitive enlightenment. When you think that children can't teach, poor emotions, and can't figure it out, remind yourself: the child's brain is born like this, it is a natural "rough house", let's decorate it well!
Big J Small D
5 million parenting best-selling authors who focus on sharing parenting methods to make it easier to take a baby. He is good at children's whole brain enlightenment, parent-child reading, and early education at home. He is the author of the best-selling parenting books "Building a Super Brain for Children", "The Secret of Falling in Love with Reading", and "Learning from Early Education Experts about Children's Potential Development" series of trilogies. Official account