Friends often ask me:
Big J, are you really not tired? Do you really not have a situation where a person with a baby is tired and can't do it, and then gets angry with little D?
I am irritable every day with it, when I am too tired, how can I not be angry easily?
Why?
Don't think I'm Superman, I'm often tired, and I'm prone to getting angry when I'm tired, but I rarely get angry with Little D. It's not that I have good "endurance", but that I did Plan B in advance to eliminate my own problems.
It's like "risk estimation and development of alternatives" in business management. Today I will share with you some strategies for taking a baby when you are very tired. But remember, Plan B shouldn't be the norm, and if you need to use Plan B all the time, then you need to re-examine your life and make a big adjustment.
You can do this
1, avoid the trigger point of anger Many people say that their emotional management is particularly bad. In fact, for me, the first step in emotional management is to awaken self-awareness. By being aware of your own ignition triggers, you can effectively manage your emotions.
In general, there are two kinds of trigger points, one is their own. For example, in my case, once I don't rest well, I am particularly irritated by noise. The other is the child.
When and what situation is most likely for a child to yell and scream for reason, when parents are clear. With this awareness, when we are tired, we can avoid this trigger point, minimizing the possibility that both me and the child will be easily provoked.
Scenario reproduction
Whenever I feel like I don't have enough rest, I remind myself that there's no music at home today (even if it's soothing). I would also go out of my way to put away Little D's noisy toys, always reminding myself to speak a little softer.
For Little D, I know that the time when she is most prone to tantrums or becomes clingy is in the evening. When she needs special attention, I put down the housework because I know that I definitely don't have the energy to interact with her while cooking. It's not hard at all, right.
But many people don't have this awareness to think about it in advance. Whenever it really happens, it immediately enters the stress mode, often gets angry, and then enters the mode of "anger - regret - blame others". Instead of that, make a plan ahead to avoid these triggers.
2, be a mother does not need to be a heavy responsibility
Mom is not superhuman, there are always times when you are tired, you want to do everything well, but your energy is not allowed, it is easy to fall into an irritable and tangled mood. I suggest that you divide what you do every day and week into four quadrants according to the importance of it. You don't have to demand perfection in everything, do the most important thing in the best condition, and strive for the highest output. Everyone's choice of standards must be different, the following are my 4 standards, to give you a reference.
Today, you must do it, and if you don't do it, you will be finished: such as Little D's daily rehabilitation training and cognitive enlightenment;
It's not necessary to do it, but it's also the right thing to do: like some chores, tidying up the room;
You have to do it, but you don't have to do it now: like my study task today;
Neither important nor urgent: for example, brush the WeChat circle of friends.
I often hear stay-at-home moms say to me that they are too tired to do housework every day and simply don't have time to spend high-quality time with their children. Everyone's energy is limited, when we spend the most precious energy on unimportant things first, then naturally there will be impatience when dealing with important things, easy to get tired and easy to irritable. And the worst part is that, in the end, we also blame the children for mischievousness. Instead of that, change the order and do the most important things first, and then complete the rest of the tasks.
3, prepare some "lazy" games to play with children, is a particularly physical and mental work. When I'm tired, I often take out my own lazy games to activate my "battery saver" mode, but it doesn't affect little D's "discharge".
Playing the doctor game Little D has always been very fond of playing role-playing games, so this has also become a game for me to be lazy. The introduction of role-playing games from the age of 1 has a good role in promoting children's cognitive development, language enlightenment and imagination cultivation.
Family castle I will invite Little D to take out all the pillows and blankets in the house to build a castle, we will pretend to sleep together in the castle, sometimes Little D herself will bring a flashlight in and play with her plush toys for a while, which will give me a chance to lie down and rest.
Of course, the best way is definitely for someone to help us take a breather. But sometimes, our lives just lack a perfect support system, and that's the reality. If you make yourself angry because you can't change the reality immediately, and even sprinkle this resentment on your children, you will not be worth the loss. Change takes time and strategy to advance layer by layer, and if you want to change the people around you, you may want to start by changing yourself.