Someone asked:
The child makes mistakes, admits mistakes, and reviews are carried out many times, but the child still does not have a long memory, and what should he do if he does not change his teaching?
The older children even said: Mom, in fact, you don't know that I have a skill, I understand the truth you tell me, but you keep reminding me that it will be very annoying.
What is the secret to keeping your child by the rules?
There are three microscopic levels here, namely: cognitive maturity, physical control, and a well-regulated environment.
1, cognitive maturity around 1 year old child's discipline method is very simple "diversion", because the child of that age, he does not understand the reasoning for him, it is better to stop his wrong behavior in the present, and then give an alternative. Usually it takes about 2 years of age for them to become clearer about the "rules".
2, the family environment with clear rules Now every time I make rules for Little D, I will ask myself three questions:
1) Are we following this rule ourselves? This makes it clear that this rule is for the whole family, not for Little D;
2) Is this rule something we are abiding by at any time and in any place? This reminds us to establish a sense of rules and teach by example anytime, anywhere;
3) If the answer to the above two points is no, I cannot ask for a small D. This has helped me streamline a lot of rules, grasp the big and let go of the small, which is what I often call "the greatest freedom within the rules". And most crucially, we also take this opportunity to "slowly get better with our children."
3, "The heart said no, the body is very honest"
Human nature is an impulsive creature, and many of our primitive desires are governed by bodily instincts. The prefrontal lobe of the brain, which controls impulses, needs to mature slowly until after puberty. Understand this, naturally you can understand the child, why did it wrong before, but also understand the mistake, why the same thing still do wrong?!
Because they are "impulsive" themselves!
You can do this
1, the process to stop but not educate: "no can is not allowed"
Even if they are "repeatedly taught", do not teach in bits and pieces, these words make sense, but at the moment they only receive "nagging".
The effect of "nagging" is resistance, rejection, disgust, and then no information can be heard.
Not to be threatened, the first time may be useful, but the "power confrontation" mechanism has been established, and after that, either our conditions continue to increase, or we will be "repulsed" immediately.
The best way to deal with this situation is to stop it concisely and firmly, "No."
But some people ask: How can three words be effective?
It doesn't work, but we do this to reinforce the "rule-based environment", so that at any time the child can clarify our attitude toward the rules, it can also strengthen their cognitive awareness.
2. Bear the consequences after the process
The most effective "repentance" for doing wrong is not to say the "sorry", but to bear the consequences of doing something wrong.
Otherwise, it will strengthen the "repeated teachings", and the child seems to have entered the strange circle of doing wrong and saying "sorry".
The playground hit people, so had to terminate the play time early;
The meal was screaming, so it was time to end the meal.
Slowly, the child will internalize: any of my actions have consequences, and I am now beginning to take responsibility for my own actions.
After making a mistake, little D,The first thing he chooses is to escape, and he will often protest by crying and making a big fuss.
I will accompany her to calm her emotions, and I will accompany her to complete it together, but almost once I will let her easily escape from being irresponsible.
Throughout the process, I will also repeatedly emphasize what the rules are, why she is doing it wrong, and that we are all responsible for our own actions.
3. Prevent trouble before it happens, and agree on the secret code
Generally speaking, children who have reached the stage of "knowingly committing crimes" can come up with some correct practices with us in a calm state of mind.
Next, I will do a "situational drill" with Little D that night or the next day, and the next time we encounter the same situation, what can we do?
Often, even if their minds have matured, their bodies are still impulsive. So it's not enough to say "what you can do", even if you have done many character drills.
The most important thing is to agree with the child on a secret code, and one or two words can help the child remember our previous agreement.
A key word may play a role in "suspending" the impulsive body.
When I'm in little D's emotional management, I usually tell the story of the "emotional monster" and share a lot of techniques to calm that emotion.
When Little D cried and made a big fuss, I only said these two words:
1) "Can't hit people"!
2) "Drive the monster away".
The first is attitude and the second is reminder.
