"They all say to protect the love of children, but what if you love IPad?"
This is probably the "love" that every parent can't stand, after all, when it comes to electronic products, parents' worries are a lot. If I say that dealing with this problem, the underlying logic is actually the same as dealing with other passions of children, that is, to meet and build together.
You must think I'm crazy and really addicted to what to do? Don't want your child's eyes? Don't worry, listen to me carefully talk about my thinking process and solution ideas, I believe you will be able to find the antidote to "let the child take the initiative to put down the mobile phone".
01
Don't test and suppress human nature
I have a habit of not taking the book as it is when I encounter specific parenting tricks, but instead thinking about my own experience by analogy. For example, when children play with mobile phones, the first thing I think of is my own experience of chasing dramas.
When I first started working, I had a very crazy time when I lived alone. At that time, every day after work, I didn't do anything, just stared at the screen, and then very often saw two or three in the morning.
I also know that it is not good, but it is undeniable that I still feel that I was very happy during that time. And when I watched TV so unscrupulously, it was because I was very hindered from watching TV since I was a child, and my happiness was not satisfied. This incident made me understand that people's desire to pursue "happiness" is innate, and if you must test and suppress it, you will basically fail.
This principle is also what I have always applied to parenting. When a child understands that snacks will be available tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, he will not overeat; then the same is true for playing with mobile phones, and when he knows that he can play at any time, he will not be unrestrained.
Little D has had her own iPad since she was 4 years old, and she knows the password, which contains games, online classes and some learning apps that she needs to take. We never limit her time to play games, but we will emphasize that she must "learn" to play.
I remember very clearly that the first time I played the game, Little D was like opening a "treasure box" and always wanted to play. I wouldn't refuse to say, can't play, can't. Just one word, can you play ah, you see today's learning is completed? Once you're done, you're ready to play. At first, you have to worry a little bit, you need to repeatedly "stare" at her, reminding you to finish learning before you can play.
And we talk, she really finishes learning, she plays, and we don't interfere.
Instead of her constantly breaking thoughts once she starts playing. I have a deep memory of sneaking tv when I was a kid and my dad used a fan to dissipate heat before work, so raising Little D, I hope she can be "honest" in front of us, not "hide".
After all, as the child grows older, she really wants to secretly play games, and she can really have 100 methods. The basis of the "frankness" of the parent-child relationship is "loose" rather than "blocked".
02
Truly effective channeling
Seeing this, I know that there must still be many friends who will be afraid, so what if you are really addicted? Does it really leave it alone? It can be managed, but the worst "management method" is nagging. I have seen many friends who fight guerrilla warfare with their children every day in order not to let their children rely on mobile phones.
Hide your phone today, change your password tomorrow, or just hang up "can't play with your phone" and nag over and over again. Little D will intervene if he plays with his phone for a long time, but I never nag. I basically do a few things:
1. Control "what you see" in advance
It seems that we are letting go, but in fact, for what Little D will come into contact with, I have always had an "invisible hand". I am firmly opposed to parents directly throwing their mobile phones to their babies, and the children do not care what they are watching and playing. The app download on the small D ipad requires the confirmation and consent of our parents' mobile phones. And the video content that Little D will watch, I basically will watch.
The Internet and video are definitely not "flood beasts", but before letting children "surf" alone, we need to set up a "practice area" to control.
2, give children more "fun" happiness
The reason why children are addicted is actually because they are "happy". So what we have to do is not to create a sterile vacuum environment, but to give the child more options and help him see that "happiness" is diverse. This is a trick I discovered when Little D was "addicted" to TikTok. I did not forbid her to play TikTok, but introduced "diversity" to this existing habit of "addiction".
For example, on her iPad, she updated a number of puzzle and fun apps, and then also collected a lot of interesting cartoons and documentaries.
With more sources of "happiness", the time for Little D to indulge in TikTok slowly decreases. At the same time, I prepared all kinds of picture books, building blocks, plasticine and board games for Xiao D, and my husband and I also took more time to play with her, or take her to the outdoor wilderness and to various places in Shanghai to punch cards.
Of course, when doing this, I have specially taken care of my husband, do not emphasize the advantages and disadvantages, which is easy to cause children's disgust and rebellion. We adults are accustomed to finding "meaning" in what we do, but the reason why children are addicted is because they are "happy".
Then when we provide diversity, we only need to let the child experience the same simple pleasure, which is the "meaning" itself.
It can be seen that the first principle of quitting addiction is not to test human nature, no one does not like to be able to provide a source of happiness, this is human nature, which is determined by our body structure.
What we can do is expand other sources that can provide the same effect, rather than forcing our children to do something meaningful.
3, what to do if the child can't put it down when he picks it up
My little D's approach is to make a convention.
Our family attaches great importance to the "agreement", and once the agreement is made, it must be seriously implemented. Sometimes Little D would cry and resist, but my husband and I would never compromise on this, but told her: "I'm sorry, I know you're sad now."
But this is what we said before, no is not allowed. "In addition to resolute implementation, we will also make it clear to her when we can still play, and we will do what we say." So Little D now also understands that to say good things is to say good, basically there will be very few "exceptions". One thing to note is that conventions and rules are different, and they are a two-way constraint based on mutual consultation.
We want our children to abide by the agreement, and at the same time we have to fulfill our "obligations". At this point, parents must not make their signs "rotten" - today and the child said that they would play tomorrow, and the next day, it was as if nothing had happened. Believe me, after a few times, it will not be so easy for you to let the child put down the phone next.
4. Adhere to the power of words and deeds
I have been a mother for 8 years, and I dare not say "through various problems", but in the matter of children playing mobile phones, I really hope that adults should be reasonable. We are always accustomed to thinking of ourselves as the supreme rule-maker, "when I want my child to be, he can be what he wants".
If we really want to get the child to put down the phone and the iPad, then we first close our mouths, put down the phone, and lift the butt. After I started touching my phone from little D, the first thing I did besides sticking to the points mentioned earlier was to solemnly invite little D to our family meeting and tell her that we were going to make a screen time rule for the whole family.
In the process, we discuss with her what time we can't play with our phones (such as when the whole family is eating together); when everyone can play every day, how long they can play, what time the whole family can't play, why everyone's situation is still a little different, and so on.
Such a discussion is both educational and no longer pits Little D against us. There are children at home who can express themselves, I very much encourage everyone to try it, this process we will also find that children have their own views on their parents playing mobile phones. This process is the embodiment of our "words and deeds".
A friend said before that in order to avoid negative impacts on children, she was strictly guarding against all electronic products, but she was still vaguely unbearable in her heart, worried about whether it was too cruel.
As a parent, I especially understand her intentions, but I would love to tell her not to break myself so tight. We can never and do not need to create a sterile vacuum environment for our children. Our children, as the "natives" of the digital age, their lives are inseparable from electronic products. What we want to give to our children is love and companionship to help them discover more "happy" abilities.
Only a child who is full of heart can truly resist temptation.