But where there is a stubborn child in the family, the bitter water of the parents will not be poured out:
"When it doesn't go well, you lose your temper, you throw a roll, and you can't appease it."
"He is particularly stubborn, and he will not listen to the things he believes in the end, and he will not listen to any persuasion."
"The more you block, the more you have to do it, and you have to go against it."
Do we have a better way than to be tough?
Why?
In fact, in our opinion, the "stubborn baby" that is a headache is still a "high-performance stock" with "high input and high output"!
From an early age, they are people with special ideas, and they believe that things will be done desperately. Such children are more likely to be self-motivated and will strive for themselves to achieve their goals. To cultivate this "high-performing stock", preaching and military uniform are the biggest taboos, and what we need to do more is to pay attention to the cultivation of parent-child relationships, and influence and positive guidance through relationships.
You can do this
1. Give children room to trial and error
Stubborn children are firm in their hearts and are not easily affected by external preaching, so for them, only if they have tried and experienced themselves will they die.
Scenario reproduction
I told Little D a hundred times that "the light bulb is hot and cannot be touched", but it still didn't work. Later, I changed my strategy and stopped saying "no" instead of just saying "no." Try to put the things that you don't want her to touch as far as possible out of her reach, and then find some small things for her to eat "bitter head" (Little D used to touch the light bulb and burn it, not seriously, but she herself was scared).
The next time something particularly dangerous happens, I seriously tell her, "No," she'll be more likely to comply.
2. Satisfy the child's desire to control
The stubborn child will have a stronger desire to control, and when he can make his own decisions and feel that he can control many things, he will be more willing to cooperate.
Scenario reproduction
When I was a child, Little D would mess with me just by wearing shoes and taking off his shoes, and then I simply said to her, "Oh, this is your own business, you take it off yourself." Instead, she calmed down and tried a few times on her own, and then I would ask, "Need help?" "Yes!" I would show her the password and the action demonstration, "Open, pull by hand, give it to Mom."
Now I let her do a lot of things within my power first, and usually talk to her consciously and say more, "Well, you do it yourself." You decide for yourself. You choose. Instead of intervening strongly, it is better to give the initiative back to the child and take more time to demonstrate.
Wait until she needs my help and then help, but there is a lot less pointless struggle.
3. Use regular work and rest to establish rules
Establish rules for stubborn children, don't put yourself in opposition to children, but let children understand, I don't ask you to do anything, but we should be like this every day.
I've been sending this signal to Little D: You need to go to bed at 8 p.m. every night, you'll read picture books before going to bed, and if you cooperate, we'll have time to read two picture books.
Scenario reproduction
Every time Little D passed by the ice cream counter, he would yell at me, "I want ice cream!" I want ice cream! At this time, if I say "don't buy, can't eat", she will definitely be mad in a public place.
As a daily convention, I would say to her, "We eat ice cream every Saturday, and today is Thursday, so how many more days we can eat?" Then I guided her to count while holding out her fingers, "One, two, wow, we can eat in two days, so happy." She would count herself and say to me with great pleasure, "Wow! ”
4. Take the time to listen
"Dealing with" stubborn children requires a bit of stupidity, and spending more time listening can help us get to know them better. Listening is also skillful: for example, acknowledging his actions or thoughts first helps the child to calm down and helps us to find the cause.
Little D is a stubborn child, and in the past few years of raising her, I have really not been angry. I don't demand that I be the perfect mom, but I want to keep improving, at least today I am more calm than last month, more able to cope with the situation that Little D's emotions are out of control.