[Mentality] 1.1 Why parents are in a hurry to get on the fire, but children are not in a hurry at all

First, the phenomenon we see today is that parents are participating in their children's education to a higher and higher degree, but there are many children behind them who are not in a hurry. When I was in Hangzhou, one day a mother came to see me with her child, and this mother said to me with emotion: If I can take the college entrance examination again now, her results may be even better than she was then. It can be seen that this mother has learned the knowledge again in the whole process of her child's education. But when she saw her daughter behind her with a brutal and indifferent expression, she knew that this child did not take learning seriously at all.

The proportion of such parents appearing in the family is getting higher and higher, and the parents are very hard and very worried, but the children do not pay attention to learning at all, resulting in a lot of conflicts between parents and children, because of getting up, because of breakfast, because of reading, because of homework and so on. I even met a couple who, together with four master's degrees, raised a child who had no motivation at all, and in the end dad had to solve the problem by hitting.

Many parents sigh: they have paid such a big price and sacrifice, and their children do not appreciate it at all! I watched my children learn step by step, but my children were passive and sluggish. We have to reflect, why is this? Why did what was originally the child's own affair end up becoming a parent's affair?

Second, we know that in the science of negotiation, in the game between people, there is a saying: whoever is anxious will lose, and who is anxious is whose business! Therefore, when the child and the parent are together, the parent is very anxious, the parent must be the loser, the parent will be subject to the child.

For example, when you go shopping, you see an object, you like it very much, you are very excited, if at that moment you show your excitement and excitement, when the price is finally negotiated, you are already subject to people. So even if you like this item very much, you must show a state of indifference, indicating: I have a lot of this at home, just casually look, if it is appropriate, I will buy one. When the salesman sees that you don't care, he will give in step by step, so that in the end you may become a winner.

The same problem is with children, and if you're particularly nervous, you're losing. Even if you are very nervous and caring, you must show a very indifferent state, so that you may let the child be anxious, not you are in a hurry.

Before a mother came here to study, she told her child to wake up three times a day, and the child was very proud to show off to her classmates: My mother told me to get up three times!

The first time, my mother said to me: When the child gets up, you don't have to move at this time, because there is a second time;

The second time, my mother still said this: if you don't get up again, you will be late, get up! This time you can also not move, because there is a third time;

The third time, at this time, my mother said: If you don't get up again, I will beat you! You're going to get up at this point, because my mom is really going to beat me up.

When I talked, this mother was very emotional! You see, there are so many conflicts between mothers and children because of the matter of getting up, there is no way for children to get up.

When this mother studied, she understood that the more excited she was, the more constrained she was to her children. So I made a serious negotiation with the child and said: Child, from now on getting up and studying is your own business, and your mother will no longer care about you!

The child still habitually couldn't get out of bed at first, and this mother shared with me that there was a very interesting thing, saying that one morning, the child had not gotten up when it was time. Mom knew that the child was definitely going to be late, because she had already overslept, so she called the company's leader and said: I will be a little late for work today, and then sit at home and wait.

After the child woke up and found that he was late, he was very anxious, quickly turned over and said: fast, fast, fast, school is going to be late, mother go fast! As a result, my mother said carelessly and slowly: Breakfast has not been eaten yet. The son said anxiously: Go to school, go to school! The mother also slowly drank the porridge and finished eating the bun, and the child kept urging and urging all the time next to her, looking like she was driven crazy. This mother said to me very happily afterwards: Our family is finally a child in a hurry, and I myself am not so anxious.

You see this child from passive to active, this mother will no longer have to worry about the child getting up. Therefore, parents must understand at all times: who is angry, who is anxious, who is excited, who will be a loser! Parents, please be sure to control your emotions!

Third, here, I will tell you another story to inspire you.

One day, Mao Zedong, Zhou Enlai, and Zhu De sat together, and Chairman Mao gave Zhu De and Zhou Enlai a question, saying: How to make cats fall in love with peppers? We all know that cats definitely don't eat chili peppers.

Jude, a rough man, said: Three steps, the first step is to peel the cat's mouth, the second step is to put the pepper in, and the third step is to close the mouth. The Chair said: This method is not possible! Because where there is oppression, there will be resistance!

Comrade Zhou Enlai said: We put peppers in the belly of the fish, so that cats will fall in love with eating peppers when they eat fish. Chairman Mao thought about it and said: Deception is only once! If the cat feels deceived, it may not even eat the fish next time.

When everyone had no way, the chairman said: There is a best way to apply chili oil to the cat's ass, so that the cat is very hot, will keep licking his ass, and finally may get used to the taste of chili peppers and like to eat chili peppers.

Let's think about it, the language between people and cats is different, if you want the cat to do something, you are useless to talk, but we can make the cat change his behavior through these ways, which is much more difficult than the communication between mothers and children.

Let's reflect on it, why doesn't this cat love to eat peppers, and finally fall in love with eating peppers? Because whose suffering is this alleviating? The answer, of course, is the cat's own pain. Therefore, eating peppers was originally someone else's business, but in the end it became the cat's own business, which would make cats accustomed to eating peppers.

So the wisdom of parents is to turn learning into a child's business.