Before going out in the morning, the child and the grandmother had an argument, the child wanted to go to school by himself, but the grandmother did not allow it, because the child ate too little breakfast, but also had to go to school alone, the grandmother thought that the child just wanted to go to the school gate to buy snacks, which meant that she suspected the child of stealing money. This made the child very angry, so they quarreled.
In fact, many times, children do not have a thorough understanding of some moral violations, and do not pay too much attention to the restrictions of moral conventions, but adults are more sensitive because of too much experience, and it is easier to go online.
For example, when the child is in school, he takes other people's things for himself, but he does not have the concept of stealing things, and the teacher will take into account the child's feelings, do not accuse in person, but communicate with the parents and let the parents educate the children. This is actually to tell the parents: I think you stole something, but I didn't hurt him, you teach it privately. Parents are also very careful, come back to communicate with their children and do not dare to directly point out, just be careful to say, can not steal things, stealing things is not right. In fact, when teachers and parents are careful, it means that they have already labeled their children as stealing things in their hearts.
The word "steal" is very unfriendly to children, and it can even be said that some excessive, using this word, is to put a label on the child, a very hurtful self-esteem label, if we look at it from another perspective, the child actually just did not follow the rules, what rules? Other people's things can't be taken casually! I believe that adults have taught this rule, but children have not paid attention to it. It's like the teacher asks the class not to speak, but he can't help but talk, just such a simple rule, but if it is just talking in class, parents may feel that this is not a big deal, but if it is stealing, parents are more nervous, why? Because adults are very sensitive to the matter of "stealing", adults are more concerned about the concept of "stealing", the same behavior, labeled with different labels, and finally the psychological impact on people is completely different.
In fact, the child wants the same thing very much, but it is not enough, so it can only be "stealing", this is the behavior of the contradiction, then what we need to do is to solve such a contradiction, rather than labeling the child's behavior, making the child feel ashamed, so as to take this as a warning, hoping that the child will no longer make mistakes, so as to solve the superficial problem by hurting the child, the actual contradiction is not solved, but the child is pushed farther, which will inevitably re-trigger the wrong behavior when the next contradiction appears.
Children will make a lot of mistakes, like lying, stealing things, bad temper, but these behaviors are labels that adults put on him, if we tear off these labels, we can see the truth: the child wants to meet his own needs, but he has no better way, if we tell the child what methods he can use, how to communicate and solve, to support him to find a better solution, he will not use the wrong method, this is the right way to guide the child, really help the child.