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All parents want their children to grow up. But all parents don't like stubborn, mischievous, disobedient children.
However, the two have a strong correlation. The American Psychological Association once did a study in which they conducted observational studies on more than 700 children aged 9-12, and they first recorded and observed the children's performance in attention, inferiority, impatience, and violations. 40 years later, the same group of participants was observed again, analyzing their personality traits and achievements.
Studies have found that people with a more stubborn and naughty personality in childhood have a higher probability of having great achievements in adulthood. So, parents, if your child is always stubborn, stubborn, and does not listen to the command, don't rush to have a headache, but should think differently, he may be a special gift from God, all you have to do is go with the flow.
But in real life, many parents, because of the limitations of cognition, always like to use their parents' authority to suppress their children when their children are naughty and mischievous, and even use violence in order to make their children obey their parents' commands. However, the wrong way will only lead to off-track results.
Strauss, a domestic violence expert in the United States, has done a survey of more than 17,000 college students in 32 countries, and the results show that children who are often suppressed by violence such as yelling are likely to have lower cognitive levels than their peers.
Therefore, in the process of raising children, no matter how stubborn your children are, as a parent, you must learn to restrain your emotions and guide your children in a broader dimension, rather than blindly accusing and suppressing.
There is a saying in Positive Discipline that is particularly true, "No rebuke, humiliation, or pain (physical or mental) may be used as a means of incentive." ”
We must understand that every life has its way of blooming, and we must know how to conform to life as it is, rather than forcibly reversing it into the way you and I expect it. The most provable problem with a child's stubbornness and stubbornness is that his potential is unlimited.
Biologist Mark Rosenzwig did an experiment:
He divided a group of mice with the same genetic quality into three groups.
The first group was fed together in iron cages in a "standard environment".
The second group was placed in an iron cage in a "poor environment", each in a separate captivity, with opaque cages, dim light and no external stimuli.
The third group was locked up in a "rich environment", in which more than a dozen mice were locked in a spacious, well-lit iron cage with swings, slides and other toys.
The study found that mice in a "rich environment" were the most mischievous and playful, while mice in a "poor environment" were the quietest.
Through the analysis of anatomical mouse brains, the researchers also found that there were obvious differences in the thickness of the cerebral cortex, brain cell size and brain mechanics related to intelligence in the three groups of mice, and the group of mice in the "rich environment" had the most significant advantages.
In the same way, the richer a human experiences in his early childhood, the more he tries to participate in things, and the more he can stick to what he thinks, the more perfect and dominant his brain development becomes.
That is to say, parents should not arbitrarily block or truncate their children's activities in the early stages as much as possible, and should give him the greatest range of freedom on the basis of ensuring safety.
From a psychological point of view, the child's stubbornness shows that he has a strong sense of self, he has carefully observed the world and reached his own conclusions, for which he does not want to be arbitrarily broken by others.
Even if his conclusions may be wrong, adults should not arbitrarily blame and break, but should try to guide science and try to understand their choices from their point of view.
In fact, as long as you give him full respect and use reasonable methods, it is easy for such children to absorb new ideas and even give you unexpected surprises. You simply don't know how magical that dexterous head melon really is, how many innovative new things will be created.
A study of educational psychology at the University of Minnesota in the United States found that children with the following three characteristics tend to have extremely high creativity:
Naughty and ridiculous
Often do things that go beyond the norm
Not stubborn and humorous.
So, what are the shortcomings of stubbornness? Obviously, it is a rare advantage. As the saying goes, "There is no lack of beauty in this world, what is missing is the eye that finds beauty." In the same way, there is no shortage of smart and potential children in this world, and what is missing is parents who are willing to delve into the hearts of children.
Be stubborn and naughty to your children, and don't blindly stop the suppression as a parent. If he insists on doing something, you let him do it well, and if in the process of doing it he encounters a problem that he can't solve, he realizes that he is not omnipotent. At that time, it is the best time for you to educate him.
As a parent, you have to understand your children, and of course you have to establish some rules for them. Targeted, little by little, they will always grow into a pleasing look.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205