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Milan Kundera: "We experience everything that comes to life suddenly, defenseless, like an actor entering the first row. If the first rehearsal in life is life itself, what is the value of life? ”
Born as a human being, many things are experienced for the first time. Being a person for the first time, getting married for the first time, being a husband or wife for the first time, being a parent for the first time... These firsts are both life itself and not life itself, and as long as you are alive, you can change the content and form of life.
In other words, anything that is not satisfied at the time of the first experience can be changed, become the way you are satisfied, and treat the changed appearance as life itself, which is valuable.
For middle-aged people, in the process of running a marriage and family, it is necessary to use the above attitude, otherwise you will be angry because you are not satisfied with life for a while, or choose to escape, ruining the life that could have been happy, in exchange for regret.
The problems that arise between the couple below are caused by the lack of the above attitude of men, let's take a look at it together.
I want to complain about my selfish husband, who can neither recognize his own duty nor see the affection given by others, which is too disappointing for me.
After our child was born, the mother-in-law was unwilling to help us with the child, and he did not want the mother-in-law to help with the child, thinking that the mother-in-law had already worked hard to raise him, and did not want to trouble her again.
If I had no other choice, I might argue with him. But I have other options, since my mother-in-law does not help us with the children, then I have to let my mother help with the children.
It's not that I don't want to bring my own kids, it's that I need to work. First, because the money he earns can't cover the expenses of the whole family; second, because I don't want to be disconnected from society, I need to use my work to maintain a normal personality.
This was a seamless arrangement, but it didn't take long for him to be dissatisfied, thinking that my mother was in the way at home, thinking that my mother had deprived him of his private space, interfered with the normal married life of both of us, and wanted my mother to leave.
I didn't want to argue with him at first, so I advised him not to think wildly: "The child must always have someone to take with him, right?" If my mom doesn't help, who will she ask for help? Do you want your mom to help? If she's willing to come, will I still be in trouble with my mother? ”
He stopped talking, and I thought he had taken my word for it, and within a few days he had an argument with my mom.
I hurried back from outside, and before I could figure out what was going on, he said to me, "Let your mother get out of our house, I don't want to live with my mother-in-law!" ”
I certainly couldn't just listen to him, I needed to figure out what was going on.
After listening to my mother's speech, I realized that he was deliberately looking for trouble, and he still had the persistence that he told me before.
I was angry that he didn't change his teachings, angry that he didn't know what to do, angry that he couldn't listen to my kind words and persuasion, and said to him: "It's you who should roll, I found that you are more and more selfish, you only think about yourself, never think about others?" Have you forgotten what I told you before? If my mom is gone, who will help with the baby? Do you bring it or do I bring it? You said that letting your mother take the child is to trouble her, so my mother with the child is not troublesome? Why don't you see a little bit of affection? ”
He stopped talking again.
I was worried that he would drill the horns and do something wrong, so I told my mother-in-law the truth of the matter. My mother-in-law originally felt that I couldn't hang on to my face because my mother helped take the child, and her son wanted to drive my mother away, of course, she would not allow this kind of thing to make her even more faceless.
After that, my husband rarely went home, always using busy work as an excuse to leave early and return late, even if it was a holiday, he would not stay at home during the day.
Although I know that he still has opinions, there is no way but to let him endure first, because as far as the current situation is concerned, I can't do what he asks, otherwise our lives will be messed up, you say?
I have a lot of friends around me who do things similar to her husband's, after having children, whether it is the mother-in-law or the mother-in-law, they don't like to stay at home, go out very early, go back late, even if they don't work overtime on weekends, they will run to the company to sit, or find something else to do.
Judging from their state, they don't want to stay at home, and they feel uncomfortable at home. Although this is an act of escape, as long as it is not selfish, as long as it is not extremely dissatisfied with life, it is not a big problem.
For most people, many of the things that come with parenthood for the first time are experienced for the first time, and dissatisfaction is the norm. In this case, it is most taboo to quarrel, the most taboo to be selfish, and the most taboo to pick a pick, because this will not solve the problem at all.
In the face of such a problem, we must first make it clear that the first time you experience something unsatisfactory does not mean that your life will continue to be unsatisfactory from now on. Things are man-made, we must find problems from unsatisfactory life, and then solve problems, so that life becomes satisfactory, and then we can continue to be as expected.
You say you lost your freedom after you got married, so what do you do? Divorce, and then live alone and be free?
You can't say that!
You are married, you have children, and you have many responsibilities on your shoulders, and you should create freedom based on these responsibilities as the content of life, rather than losing responsibility in exchange for freedom. Sometimes treating marriage is the same as treating work, doing one line of love and one line.
Author Nannan, focus on the field of emotions to create and share, with emotions to communicate with you and my soul, but I hope you and I know each other here, like please pay attention to me.