I have seen a help post on the Internet:
"I've been in love many times, and every time I think this person is not bad at the beginning, but when I have a deep relationship, I find all kinds of problems, and I can't stand it at all."
When netizens talked about their 3 love experiences, they said that the first boyfriend, after being in love for half a year, was ambiguous with several different girls behind her back, and he was still straight
"I want to know more about the psychology of girls"
。 And the second boyfriend, a little unhappy to hide and not see anyone, the longest time for five consecutive days without a trace, the two people have a conflict, he used the Cold War to escape the problem. The third boyfriend once made her think that she had finally found the right person, thinking that he was very capable of personal ability, and his personality was also very stable. But when she was ready to talk about marriage, she found that in private he was lazy and macho, unwilling to participate in housework, unwilling to clean up, she traveled for a week, and came back home full of garbage and unable to get off her feet.
Some people under the comments say that it is not because the people she meets are wrong, but because the people she meets all have one thing in common, that is
"Immature enough",
whereas
"Mature Man"
What should it look like?
Fromm once said:
"Love is never just an emotion, but a decision, a judgment and a commitment."
For men, liking can just be fun, but deep love, you have to pay responsibility and patience, make a good plan and plan. To love someone, you must give her a full sense of happiness and a steady sense of security.
No matter how old a man is, if he does not remember in his heart, he will often live a very egotistical life, even childish, and when a man really falls in love with a woman, he will become mature.
01 This time I want to be more reliable
Shi Chen (pseudonym), a 24-year-old from Chongqing, is a real estate salesman with a monthly income of about 8,000 yuan and 2 houses under his name. When she went on a blind date for the first time, the red lady saw that he had good conditions in all aspects, and thought he was a reliable guy, but what people did not expect was that he actually appeared directly in a drunken state, so he was rejected by the female guest on the spot.
For the last blind date, Shi Chen said that he usually rarely drank, the amount of alcohol was not very good, the day of the blind date was because of the loss of love of friends, temporarily called to accompany, the result was not too late to restore the state of the red lady came with female guests, so did not play their own advantages, so he hopes to give him another chance.
Shi Chen usually likes pets, so he hopes to find a gentle and loving girl, so he will bring his cat with him every blind date to test whether the female guest is his favorite type.
According to Shi Chen's request, Hongniang introduced her to Ma Manhong (pseudonym), 22 years old this year, as a post-00s, she is still a senior student, and is currently interning at an advertising company, engaged in advertising promotion related work.
For Shi Chen's most concerned about the point of liking pets, the female guest said that although she looks relatively cold, she is actually a very good person to get along with, and she originally planned to raise a dog with a lively personality, but because of time, she gave up, so shan chong at this point, the two are still relatively close.
When it comes to their own mate selection criteria, the female guests put forward four points, older than themselves, taller than themselves, stable work, and at the same time know how to take care of girls.
Because she was studying alone in other places, and her age was still relatively young, in order not to let her look away, the mother of the female guest deliberately found two of her own good friends to help check the pass. As people who came over, the two aunts unanimously said that the man's professionalism in all the mate selection criteria is the most important point, so we must find a sense of responsibility.
Just after meeting, the two aunts first praised the female guest, saying that she was not only beautiful, but also had a very good work unit and family situation, and then went straight to the subject and directly asked Shi Chen about his income.
Obviously, this problem is not a problem for Shi Chen, who came from sales, and he said that his work mainly depends on performance, so every month is not very fixed, and the average is about 8,000 to 10,000 yuan.
After talking about income, the aunts did not plan to stop there, and then asked directly:
"Do you have a house?"
Although the problem was very direct, Shi Chen did not feel embarrassed, and said on the spot that he had 4 houses at home, and he and his brother had 2 sets of each.
Hearing this answer, the woman's relatives and friends immediately nodded their heads to express their satisfaction, and quickly went forward to tell Shi Chen that if the two came together in the future, they must treat the girls well, because she was a particularly traditional girl, not the type of playful, so she could not dump people halfway.
Not only did the two families express particular satisfaction, but the female guests themselves also said that their first impression of Shi Chen was good, although the appearance was not very handsome, but it looked very comfortable.
Compared with the absence of the last blind date, this time Shi Chen performed well at the first meeting, and suddenly captured the praise of female guests and relatives and friends, it seems that the last time was really a oolong.
02 Because I like it, I am willing to change
Since the first impression of each other is good, Shi Chen also hopes to show more initiative, so he plans to ask the female guests to chat alone for a while to promote mutual understanding. As a result, the test of the woman's family and friends did not stop, not only did not give him this opportunity, one of the aunts also pulled him to a table and chair in the park next to him to give him a question, asking him how much he planned to spend to invite them to dinner to see how he performed.
Perhaps because the woman has always behaved more directly, Shi Chen did not feel uncomfortable in the face of this problem, but was particularly polite to ask the other party whether 100 per person was appropriate.
After hearing this answer, the aunt quickly ran to meet with the female guest and another staff officer, saying that the young man was more generous, and the standard of 100 yuan per capita also fully showed that he was still very satisfied with the female guest, after all, 4 people ate at least 400 yuan.
Taking advantage of the noon meal, the aunts once again asked Shi Chen the root of the matter, and finally raised their dissatisfaction with his academic qualifications. The female guest put forward a different view of this, she said that she valued each other's abilities more than academic qualifications, so academic qualifications were not very important in her opinion.
After watching the two young people still be more close, after eating, the aunts finally gave up the space to them and let them chat with each other. The female guest quickly asked herself what she was more concerned about, that is, whether the other party was a romantic person.
In this regard, Shi Chen did not shy away from saying that he was a straight man, but also quickly added that boys and girls are originally two different species, and there will definitely be many differences in the view of things, no boy is born to understand girls, if it is someone he particularly likes, he will be willing to change for each other.
In response to this speech of the male guest, the female guest's impression of him was directly discounted, indicating that his idea was not very mature, and he did not complete the transition from boy to man, and he preferred the kind of mature man.
After learning that the female guests liked the uncle-type boyfriend, Shi Chen felt on the spot that he might not have a play on this blind date, because he did not belong to the category of particular maturity and stability.
The blind date that started very smoothly, with a deep conversation immediately changed, the female guest said that from childhood to adulthood, she had an inexplicable liking for that kind of uncle-type man, and the previous two boyfriends were also 8 years older than her and 5 years older than her.
After learning the idea of the female guest, the two staff aunts immediately put forward different views, in their opinion, the male guest is only 24 years old after all, the male at this age is still in a growth period, plus the man itself is later than the woman mature, so it is impossible to ask him to be too mature, otherwise it looks like a small old man, so it is recommended that she first communicate for a while and then look.
In order to leave a good impression on the female guests, Shi Chen also did a lot of work in terms of romance, deliberately found a small bridge and flowing place, and expressed his affection on the spot, hoping that the female guests could be the people who accompanied him for a lifetime.
Finally, under the encouragement of the male guests and the encouragement of the woman's relatives and friends, the two finally held hands and succeeded.
Age 03 is not a sign of maturity
In real life, many girls who have the same idea as female guests always feel that finding an older man may be more mature and understand themselves, but is this really the case?
When the female guest talked about her two relationships, she said that the first boyfriend split his legs when he came home from the winter vacation, and the second boyfriend was not happy and scattered because he was not self-motivated, so it can be seen that age is not a symbol of a man's maturity, the real maturity is reflected in the pattern of three views and sense of responsibility, and the truly responsible man can give you a sense of security even if he is younger than you.
We always say:
"A man to death is a teenager"
。 In fact, a man's ability to transform his feelings from like to deep love is already a sign of self-growth, and being able to rationally embrace love is the beginning of maturity.
But what is easy to be overlooked by girls is that "growth" does not only refer to the effort to make money, but also includes the intention in the relationship.
Mature men must be willing to manage feelings and run into feelings a little bit.
I may not be able to talk very much, but as my feelings progress, I slowly learn how to communicate. You may not attach importance to companionship and are used to being alone, but in the days when you are with you, you slowly learn to respond to your needs.
Feelings are essentially the cognitive collision of two strangers, which requires the joint cooperation and moderate concessions of both parties. Age is never a sign of a man's maturity, and whether or not he is willing to change for you is a proof of hard work.