Knowingly, someone asked: "Why are more and more young people disgusted with 'relatives'?" ”
Gao Zan's answer expressed this view: "When you are poor, you want to profit from your relatives; when you are rich, your relatives want to profit from you; if you do not make a profit, then you will turn against each other." ”
Speaking of which, it is eight words: "Seek advantages and avoid harms, and near blessings and far disasters." ”
Times are changing, interpersonal relationships are also changing, when relatives are no longer crowded together for warmth because of life embarrassment, relatives interact, it is inevitable that there is a "snobbish" side.
From the perspective of real life, we must understand that relatives "care" for you in the following four ways, most of them are hurting you, and you need to stay away.
01
Lending you money without principle may be "something else".
As the saying goes: "If you borrow and repay, it is not difficult to borrow again." ”
Many years ago, people living in rural areas often struggled with their lives because of lack of money. Borrowing money from relatives becomes the first choice for getting into distress.
Borrow money, and then when you have enough money, return it in time, and don't want anyone to urge, everyone is very conscious.
However, some relatives, relying on their very rich advantages, lend money to relatives while charging high interest. If the relatives could not afford it, he immediately turned his face.
There are also some relatives who, although they lend you money, let you owe him more and more money, and then bring profits to make you return, if you can't afford it, he will use your livestock, orchards, wages, etc. to pay off the debt.
The literary scholar Russell said: "For a person, respect your parents, love your children, be generous to poor relatives, and be polite to all." ”
It is a virtue for the rich to help the poor, but because there is no principle, it has become "unclear and encourages the losers" and so on.
Most of the relatives will not easily lend you money, if there are very generous relatives, you have to have an extra eye to see what the other party has for borrowing money, and what purpose to achieve.
02
Over-concern for your chores can easily breed "gossip".
During the New Year, one of my cousins became the "target of everyone". Because she did not go home to accompany her parents, but traveled abroad.
Immediately after, a relative said that a woman, in her thirties, is not married, nor is she in love.
Another relative said that a woman, dressed in fancy clothes, was also too ostentatious...
The cousin did not reply, but chose to withdraw from the group.
Over the years, the cousin alone has borne the living expenses of the family, and the expenses of the mother's hospitalization are all made up by her, and the relatives are unwilling to borrow money.
Why, at the time of the New Year, everyone thinks of themselves as elders and has to make subjective assumptions?
The situation of each family is different, and everyone's ideological concepts are different, but many elders, under the brand of caring for the younger generations, say the words of "picking and choosing".
"I'm all for your own good", this sentence has become the mantra of relatives, you have to stay away from them, otherwise your life will be swayed by them, and your life will be said to be useless.
Love and love need to be measured, and any words and actions that cross the line must be rejected.
03
Rich and powerful relatives who drag you to his house to work, income and payment are not necessarily "equal".
There are some relatives who have factories at home, or hotels, farms, fish ponds, etc. Workers need to be hired for a long time.
Relatives invite you to work, which seems to be a good thing, but in fact, because of the intersection of feelings and money, there will be a lot of contradictions.
My cousin went to work in my uncle's hotel. At first, my cousin was responsible for cleaning and maintaining order, with a monthly salary of two thousand.
Later, the cousin added additional work to purchase tobacco and alcohol. But wages have not increased. He was indignant and thought his uncle was squeezing him.
During the New Year, the staff in the hotel took five days off, but the cousin only had one day off.
The uncle said: "Everyone is a relative, don't worry so much." ”
The purpose of part-time work is to make money, why not worry? The boss's purpose is to make more money, why should relatives make contributions to him?
The "Chronicle of History" says it well: "The world is bustling, all for the sake of profit; the whole world is bustling, all are for the benefit of the future." ”
But whatever you do with the emotional card that makes you desperately seek profits for him, don't do it. Moreover, feelings and money can never be balanced.
More feelings, less money; more money, less feelings, counting, everyone will feel that they have lost money.
Between relatives, if you have to become the boss and the employee, then do things according to the rules and put family affection aside. Otherwise, I would rather work for outsiders.
04
Relatives feast on distinguished guests, let you accompany guests, it is easy to "get drunk and hurt".
Accompanying guests, such a thing, many people should experience.
Relatives and friends have banquets, and you participate as a "third person", which makes the atmosphere more lively and makes the guests satisfied with drinking.
Think about it, two or three people drinking together, pushing glasses and changing cups, it seems very monotonous. If there are seven or eight people toasting each other, the atmosphere will be different, and there will be more topics that everyone can talk about.
When your guests come, you must not be cold, otherwise you will leave a bad impression.
At the banquet, there are many customs, and the level of people is clear at a glance. Most of the people who accompany the guests are sitting in the most inconspicuous positions, and they must take the initiative to please the guests sitting on the main seat.
As the saying goes, "Give your life to accompany a gentleman." ”
When accompanying guests, you must be active and drink more wine. Otherwise, the person who invites you to dinner will be unhappy and think that you are too faceless.
Whether it's flattering others or getting drunk, it's not a good thing. If your family is not particularly poor, insist on going home to eat as well. Relatives' "distinguished guest dinner", you go less as well.
05
The ancients said: "There are many brothers who have money and wine, and it is difficult to see one person in a hurry; the friends of wine and meat are in the dynasty, and there is no money, no power, no relatives." ”
If you can be patient, there will be more relatives; if you fall in the middle of the family road, the relatives will slowly leave.
Of course, in view of the above situations, you must think calmly and not completely follow the script.
First, according to the actual situation, quietly see the specific goals and requirements of the other party. If you can't see clearly for a while and a half, just sit and wait for a few days, or communicate with a reliable relative.
Second, according to the usual interaction situation, judge the character of relatives, associate with relatives with good character, and stay away from and guard against relatives with bad character.
Third, see the true thoughts of relatives, do not get angry, and avoid the expansion of contradictions and unnecessary disputes.
Fourth, make yourself bigger and stronger, and don't wait for relatives to help.
From now on, divide relatives into "ranks", communicate with sincere relatives, and do not disturb each other with false relatives.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
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