The first time you become a mother, it is necessary to cultivate the way of motherhood. Like everyone else, I am a mother raising a child. My child is 18 years old and in his second year of high school. I sometimes get surprised that before I know it, my child has grown so big.
As children grow up at one year old, the role of mothers is constantly changing, because children are always changing, such as 5-year-olds and 10-year-olds are very different. When I first became a mom, I was very curious about my child's ideas and often struggled with how to communicate with my child. Of course, to this day I am still curious about the children's thoughts.
If you want to play a role well, you need to see, listen and actively learn from the good examples you have. Learning "role models" means imitating another person's thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, etc. But most of the time, we don't have a lot of good role models to follow. Before we grew up and became moms, we were children. And the parents who raised us have no experience, and although they try to nurture us, they don't know the right way to raise their children. Coupled with the fact that in the past era, life was not rich, and the living situation was not better than now, so our parents may not know the importance of family education, nor do they understand the psychological and developmental laws of children, nor do they know how to correctly raise children. Well, without a good example worth learning, becoming a mother for the first time is bound to be difficult.
No parent can be perfect. Perfection is not necessarily a good thing. Constantly making up for imperfections in life often gives people a sense of joy and accomplishment. However, you know, if imperfections are left unchecked, the future will not be able to reap good results. More importantly, mothers are the most loving children in the world, so I believe that mothers will be able to overcome all kinds of imperfections.
1. Learn the way of talking to your mother and become an excellent mother
Mastering the way of speaking a mother can be achieved through hard work. By practicing continuously, you will find that your speaking level has improved significantly. Learning how mom speaks is very important and you can improve with practice. I hope to be able to help mothers who want to communicate well with their children but do not know how to communicate.
I have had conversations with countless moms and found that the people they love most in the world are not themselves, but their children. I hope that mothers will learn to speak, avoid causing harm to their most beloved children, and make them feel warm and happy when they return home from school.
Here, first of all, please reflect on whether you have inadvertently said something that makes your child angry, whether you have hurt your child, and whether there has been a rift in the relationship between mother and child. If the child has said that the mother is unexpected, then the mother needs to reflect on the child's psychological state. Only by understanding the child's inner world can the mother make better choices when she encounters problems and adopt a more intelligent way of dealing with them.
Compared with mothers who try to send their children to expensive cram schools, mothers who try to understand their children's inner world are better; it is more valuable to avoid hurting children than buying expensive toys for their children. Every mom wishes she could proudly say, "I'm a qualified mom." ”
2. Why is it easy for children to be hurt by their mother's words?
Remember what your mother said when you were a kid? When your mother said to herself, "Oh, I'm going to die" in the middle of the night, were you afraid that my mother would really die and felt uneasy? If even the mother's self-talk can break the child's inner peace, then what kind of impact will the mother's words to the child have on the child? The mother's warm comfort will give the child great courage and comfort when she is tired, and the sharp and harsh scolding will leave a wound in the corner of the child's soul.
I still remember my dad saying to me when I was a kid, "You're a burden to our family." "The memories are vast, but I still remember the situation and my father's expression. This sentence also created a sense of distance between me and my father. On the contrary, my mother always said to me: "My daughter is all right, and my mother believes in you." "Whenever I encounter difficulties, my mother's words will encourage me to reinvigorate myself like a tumbler and smile at life."
No mom wants to intentionally hurt her own child. However, the inadvertently sharp tone of the mother's words may become a blade and leave a wound in the corner of the child's soul. Mothers and children are companions in daily life, family members who love, trust and anticipate each other. Therefore, whether the mother is speaking a good medicine-like honey language or a poisonous evil language, as a child, she will listen to the heart. If a sentence can cause harm to the child, then even if you cover your ears, the sentence will appear harsh. Even if mom regrets it the next second she speaks, the damage has already been done.
Did you say anything hurtful this morning when your child was rubbing his head and not wanting to go to school? When your child didn't finish his homework as promised last evening, or when he didn't go to bed late at night, did you blurt out something like, "You really made it impossible for me to live?"? Maybe your child will misunderstand your intentions and think, "Mommy is having misfortune because of me." It's like when I was a kid when I overheard my mother talking to myself, I would secretly shed tears in the middle of the night.
Why is the child hurt by his mother's words? Maybe you feel that the mind has been hurt, throw it into the memory warehouse, and forget it. But on the other hand, why does a bland sentence said by the mother, or even the words that the mother has forgotten, continue to bring courage and comfort to the child?
Suppose in the same situation you hear a friend and mom say to you "you're so bad", and to a friend you might think "he doesn't know me well enough to say that" or "we may not have the right personalities". However, mom is one of the people who know you best and one of the people you love most. From the perspective of "object-relational theory", the mother is an important "other".
3, the mother has said, may become a light to illuminate the child's life
Early childhood is when a child begins to build relationships with others, and the people the child contacts at this time will have a major impact on his life. And as one of the most important "others" of the child, every word the mother says has the potential to exert absolute influence on the child.
Try to recall the warmest words your mother ever said to you as a child:
"Baby, how are you feeling lately?" Have you encountered any difficulties? ”
"Good daughter, your mother will always be on your side."
When someone asks", if your answer is "Of course I am happy", it means that when you were a child, your mother must have said a lot of heart-warming words to you, and these words are the food of your soul. When asked why you are happy, you will also proudly answer "how much mom hurts me and loves me". It can be seen that the mother's words will illuminate the light of the child's long life and make the child a happy person. These warm words, please pass them on to your children!
Mothers love their children the most, always want to do more for their children, want to meet all the wishes of their children, so that children do not need to envy others. But don't forget that there is something more important in the world than meeting all the needs of the child, that is, to be careful not to hurt the child's heart with sharp and mean words, because these words are sharper than the blade. A well-built house can collapse because of a small rift, and the mother should pay attention to whether there is such a rift in the child's heart. Instead of giving the child everything, the mother must first ensure that in the process of raising the child, there is no rift in the child's heart.
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