Author: Live well
Source: Niceliving
In this society, it seems that there is no shortage of prejudices against "single mothers". Once a woman is divorced, it is easy to be classified as a failed, wretched, helpless, tired, lonely endorsement.
"Home on the Ramp"
Is losing marriage necessarily equivalent to failure in life?
The emergence of Gu Ailing has made many people begin to break their prejudices. It turns out that losing marriage does not mean stopping the growth of the self, and the education and love for the children are not lost because of the absence of the father.
The Myth of Love
In China, the group of single mothers is as high as 20 million.
Not only Kochi women like Gu Yan, on the other side that we can't see, there are also countless single mothers who are working hard - with the mother-son/mother-daughter family structure, break away from the worldly evaluation system, rely on their own hands, and embrace a vast world again.
Spring is here, let's listen to their stories.
33 years old without a lover,
My daughter and I have our own home.
@Dora Run | Coordinates: Xiamen, Fujian | Area: 98㎡
Divorced so far: 4 years
In 2020, after the divorce, @Dora ran and moved into her first apartment, which she called "a home for two girls". She was 31 years old and her daughter was 4 years old.
The two girls' home is on the 4th floor, the window is the phoenix wood, a whole floor-to-ceiling window of the green, making this place the mother and daughter favorite place to stay.
Because only to consider themselves and their daughters, many of the layouts of the house are based on the needs of the two women.
It's like a "world of two," she says. Two chairs in the dining room, one for each person; two sofas, huddled together to watch movies; one room for each person, the study for the daughter, and their own work area for the balcony; the empty living room, let the daughter play freely.
Dora said that at the beginning there will be some unaccustomed, every Spring Festival after the divorce will be a little emo, but this year suddenly feel adapted. The atmosphere of two people is the atmosphere of two people, and there is no need to be deliberately lively.
She and her daughter have built up the family's living model, and in her words, "one more person is too crowded."
Although there is pressure from a mortgage, her current income is enough to cope.
Asked if she was worried about the future, she said that "the most important thing is now". Many people advised her to return to her hometown, but in order to facilitate the weekend meeting, she still preferred to let her daughter and father stay in the city.
· Specially made a picture book for the barn door for my daughter, and after checking in, it was filled up little by little.
Over the years, she has also taken root in Xiamen by herself.
Relying on the skill of "photography", she has not returned to the workplace for many years, and she has opened a small photography studio on her own. With some savings, I also have more confidence to face the future.
In June 2020, just moved into furniture.
At that time, she only had 50,000 yuan on her body, and she earned a little to pretend a little.
This month's income is good, just add a little more and spend all the money you earn on decoration.
As her income rose, some people who had once said she was divorced began to understand her choice. To this, she just said: I am no longer living in the evaluation system of others.
Recently read "I Wish My Parents Had Read This Book"
After the divorce, the relationship between the daughter and the father is still very good, and they see each other every week.
The daughter often said that she loved her father more, and she was not angry, but frankly said, "Father is very important to the growth of my daughter, because of my father's departure, I hope that my daughter can enjoy more time with her father." Every time I tell my daughter, I like my dad more."
Once the shackles are released, life seems to restart. For home, she also has a different understanding than in the past.
"This is the home of two girls, it is also our home, it is warm and happy, equal and free," she said. No matter what kind of life her daughter chooses in the future, this will always be her dependence."
Single mother with baby rental,
Does it have to be a tragic story?
@Maiti mytea | Coordinates: Hangzhou, Zhejiang | Area: 60㎡
Divorce so far: 1.5 years
You don't have to buy a house to own a home. As a single mother with a baby renting a house, @Maitimytea gives her children just as much love.
In the vlog of last February, Mati took his son around to see the house. After shopping, the son could not walk, and he had to pick up the 39-pound baby with his bare hands and continue to look at the next room.
· After visiting the house with my son, mother and son were very satisfied with the last suite.
"Pleasure in suffering", Mai Ti used these four words to describe his current life. Suffering is real, and happiness is real. Without one of them, none of them are real enough.
· Move into a new home after the renovation
Mati said, "When I first became a single mother, I did experience labor pains. After all, divorce has changed the way of life, and property, children and jobs have almost become homes to rebuild after a tsunami."
In this reconstruction, Mati has experienced many struggles.
It seems that there are many divorced people, but when she looked for information on the Internet, she found that there were very few parenting shares about single mothers.
Mati, who recovered from the trough of divorce last year, said in a video about his experience:
"The divorce rate is so high now, but everyone hears that divorce is still like seeing a ghost." Shame failed, a bunch of labels. A search for single mothers, out of the single mother is how miserable the single mother is.
I'm not here to share the history of single motherhood. After the divorce, I became the helmsman of my own life. The family's dedication to work has also been more fairly evaluated by society.
No one will say now: you are a stay-at-home mother, your husband must make a lot of money. I began to pay more attention and care for myself, and loving myself is a thing that requires lifelong learning."
· Swim with your baby while reading.
In the comment section of this video, there are many women who are experiencing divorce or have been divorced, who are positive and optimistic, encouraging each other and blessing each other's future.
These forces dissolve the hasty generalization of "misery."
· A single mother can be beautiful on her own.
The reason why she dared to be the woman who stood up was attributed to her constant reading.
She said: "In fact, I am also in a state of being alone, and there are a few who support me around me, and more I am influencing others." I've read a lot of psychology and feminist books over the years to understand that marriage is not the only way to survive and be happy."
· Buy the reading notes sent to me
And p.s. Share a passage from a book you're reading,
De Beauvoir recalled her sense of mission countless times in her diary.
As a parenting blogger, Boughti now lives with her son in a 2-bedroom, 1-hall rental house in Hangzhou, and in order to have a little more cash in her hand, she has no plans to buy a house.
Fortunately, she developed the ability to "make that house anywhere", and the house was quickly the center of her and her son under the influence of Mati.
After more than a year of twists and turns, she wrote:
Divorce is just a state of life and should not be considered an "unhappy/failed life". Similarly, divorce does not mean that it will get better. Stop self-development, do not have the ability to give yourself happiness, whether married or single, it is difficult to be self-consistent. Whether you have a good life or not is your homework.
· My son made scrambled eggs with tomatoes at his new home.
Don't let others judge,
Be an obstacle to your path to the far side.
Even if they take care of their lives well with their children, single mothers are often unable to avoid some "kind" inquiries or blessings.
For example, Dora is often reminded to run "to find her own happiness early", as if the mother-son/mother-daughter family structure is in a temporary turmoil, and only by relying on marriage can some sense of completeness be achieved.
"Survival Marriage"
And she is accustomed to facing such "blessings", but only a gentle response: happiness is the right to choose how to live, and now I have found it.
《Yosano Yosano Yoniko Soybeanda》
Like them, there are not a few single mothers who have lived in the city over the years, focusing on inward seeking and positive sunshine.
However, in the process of contacting the interview guests, most of them chose to refuse the interview. Today, it seems that a woman still needs a lot of courage to bring the matter of "divorce" into the public domain.
"Wedding Dress"
The two single mothers mentioned today are undoubtedly brave and lucky. But the prejudice against them from the outside world has not diminished.
Someone questioned Dora's running income, satirizing how a divorced woman could make that much money? Mati also told me that some people even left a message on her rent vlog: the heart is higher than the sky, and the life is thinner than paper.
Just when I was worried that this would stab her, she said, "Guess what I replied to ta?" I said, "Feel your God's perspective." Immediately afterward, we both laughed.
Laughter invariably, as if the consensus among women, the harsh words, will no longer be an obstacle for us to sail to a beautiful far away.
· A friend's shot of The Buyi
In these women's stories, the family structure is reconstructed, without the rescue of others, and "women raising children alone" can form a stable, harmonious and happy form of living.
· Mati son moo
Mai Ti recalled that on the day of the official divorce procedure in 2020, the family had dinner together, and before they understood what a "divorced" son was, they said to her very innocently: Mom is so good, so that you and dad don't have to argue.
She suddenly understood that it was not only the two extremes of a happy marriage and a divorce that was full of despair, but also that in the long middle ground, children could also feel this strong and unhappy emotional bond.
· In the Mati Vlog, after the divorce, she and her ex-husband took their son Moo to Suzhou to travel together.
Passing by the children's paradise, Moo smiled happily and recorded it all.
As Dora Ran said:
There is no need to be demanding to make everything perfect, only adults are happy, children will be happy. Marriage may not be complete, but love can, don't worry, children actually understand all this.
Vivi also has her own video number
Click on the homepage to follow -VIKAN Wei Magazine
1 minute a day, see a hundred things in life
*Note: Some of the pictures in this article are from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact.
Live in the newsroom | mastermind
Doraemon | edit
Internet, interviewees provide | Image
Author: Live well. This article is from the content media of "Good Life", sharing the decoration design inspiration, whole house cases, dry goods to avoid pits, and good things in the home of tens of millions of real families in China, taking you to discover thousands of possibilities for home.