Text/Han Mei Yi
Figure/from the network
01
When it comes to marriage, we must all know Mr. Qian Zhongshu's words: "Marriage is a besieged city, people outside the city want to go in, and people in the city want to come out." ”
When they are not married, people yearn for marriage, always thinking about how sweet it will be to stay with the person they love until they are whiteheads; but once they enter marriage, after the trivialities of chai rice oil and salt, the two people slowly never talk about getting bored with each other, and even become the most familiar strangers.
"It is easy to love each other, and it is difficult to keep each other, and the white heads are all expected by the elderly."
No one at the beginning of the marriage thought that one day in the future will be divorced, everyone wants to have a long and happy marriage, but in the day after day, year after year, two people from the personality everywhere are facing too much run-in, and whether they can withstand this layer of tests often determine the length of marriage.
Some couples, in a series of daily chores, can understand each other, tolerate and support each other, no one will feel tired, even if there have been some small fights, but the two people still choose to stick to the heart, hand in hand; there are also some couples, because in the differences and conflicts, can not reach a consensus, or the concept of two people is not at one point at all, even if there is tolerance and compromise, but only will cause one party to be satisfied, one side of the painful situation, such a marriage will eventually slowly break down.
A marriage, whether it is to continue or choose to end, should be a decision made in a prudent and rational state, because many times, what kind of road is chosen, it is necessary to rush forward without hesitation, no matter whether it is difficult or not, it can not turn back.
02
Zhang Zhe (pseudonym), 35, recently encountered an "incredible" thing, originally he thought, there is no turning back from the bow, who knows, things did not develop as he thought.
"I just felt quite sudden, originally, I said it very firmly, who can think of it, she actually remembered us again!" I can only say, very unexpected, as for the rest, I didn't dare to think about it and I won't think about it, and the two of us are actually quite good now! ”
What made Zhang Zhe sigh so much was his ex-wife.
Last Thursday, because it was his son's fifth birthday, Zhang Zhe deliberately finished his business early, and he called his ex-wife before his son left school, thinking of taking his son to eat and play.
Considering that on the day of his son's birthday last year, his ex-wife did not want to be with him, this time, Zhang Zhe was very conscious and did not ask his ex-wife whether he would like to celebrate his son's birthday with him, he originally wanted to wait for his son to finish dinner, let his son take the cake back to eat with his ex-wife, did not think, the ex-wife not only took the initiative to ask the location of their grandfather after work, but also said that they would eat dinner together and cut the birthday cake.
This is not what surprised Zhang Zhe the most.
When sending his son and ex-wife home, the son just sat in the car, the ex-wife stopped him outside the car, saw him with a confused face, the ex-wife was torn up for a while, and then asked him, would you like to make some changes for your son?
"That, the son is older and has a heart, and his kindergarten classmates always say that he has no father... What I think is, since you are not married, and I am not married, it is better to get back together! It is also to provide a good growth environment for his son, and he cannot let him have any shadow in his heart. ”
Hearing his ex-wife say this, Zhang Zhe really couldn't say anything in his heart: in the past, he had also advised his ex-wife to think about his son, but the ex-wife felt that it would only be more unfortunate for his son to follow his father!
Let's start two years ago.
It was not long after the epidemic resumed work, Zhang Zhe was laid off by the unit, unemployed and during the period of home isolation, he only paid four or five thousand yuan a month, which made his ex-wife very dissatisfied with him.
During that time, the ex-wife complained, muttered, and accused all day long, not sarcastically "I have not lived a good life after marrying you for so many years, I really should not have only wanted people to be good and not to make money", it was sarcastic" That is, "I am really blind to find you, others have not been dismissed, how did I quit you?" ”
In the face of the ex-wife's "attack", Zhang Zhe is both helpless and angry, he understands the anxiety of his ex-wife, after all, there is a wife and son, there is a mortgage of 2500 yuan to repay, and the son is about to go to kindergarten, these supports at home all point to him This man, now he has no job, then how will the family of three live in the future?
However, even if you are worried, the ex-wife should not say so about herself, after all, since she has a son, the family's financial power has been handed over to the ex-wife, these years, not to say more, seventy or eighty thousand yuan ex-wife can save down, even if the savings are really not so much, his parents intermittently also gave him more than fifty thousand yuan, these add up, completely enough to respond to a temporary emergency.
Seeing him raise the deposit, the ex-wife was even more angry, "You earned the 14,500 yuan a month, paid off the mortgage, and ate and drank again for a family of three, how much money can you have left?" As for the money your parents give, it's for their grandchildren, how can you, a big man, spend your children's money? Without that diamond, don't do porcelain work, I already know that you can't raise a home, why don't you let me take a baby at home! My parents worked hard to cultivate me as a college student, and as a result, I quit my job and gave you this specialist student to take the child at home! What an eight-lifetime blood mold! ”
Hearing his ex-wife say this, Zhang Zhe was not angry, "Are you okay with some reasoning?" Did I have to make you quit your job and be at home? My mother helped with the child, you think my mother is uneducated, illiterate, old feudal, said that she was afraid of teaching a bad child, directly drove her back to her hometown, please nanny, you feel that you have to spend money, and the suspect family is not good for the child... I understand that it is not easy for you to take the baby at home, why don't you usually cling to you and rely on you first? Why didn't I listen to you when I took money from home in the past, but now that I can't make money and my pockets are empty, do you have to talk so ugly? Now everyone is not easy, for the sake of your son, you don't have to make trouble, it's a big deal that I find a few more jobs, I will definitely not let you two go hungry! ”
The ex-wife snorted coldly, "I don't know about you yet? What a skill, painting a pie is better than anyone! Don't mention my son, if it wasn't for my son, I wouldn't have wanted to live with you! You look at the classmates around me, married which one is not better than me, just me, live a nest! ”
Zhang Zhe couldn't bear it and said, "I really think that following me has hurt you, so leave it."
Perhaps it was not expected that Zhang Zhe would say this, and his ex-wife replied angrily: Leave away, who is afraid of whom! Enough has been with you!
In this way, on the third day after the fight, the two people went to get divorce papers.
Because the ex-wife had to take away his son, Zhang Zhe also gave the house to his ex-wife (the down payment of the house was the money from Zhang Zhe's parents, and the real estate deed only wrote the name of the ex-wife), and the deposit was also given to the ex-wife, at the same time, he also promised to give his son a monthly maintenance fee of 2500 yuan, and he would also be responsible for repaying the mortgage, as for himself, he only left a car.
Originally, Zhang Zhe thought that for his own sake, his ex-wife would tell him some affection.
However, it is not.
The ex-wife will only ask him for money when he needs to pay off the mortgage and give maintenance, whether he really has difficulties or not, once he fails to come up with so much money that day, the ex-wife says to him how ugly it is to hear, even the month of the divorce, because he really does not have so much money, but also rents a house, he said a sentence to let him be forgiven for a few days, and as a result, he was scolded by his ex-wife for a dog bloody head, and said that it was a great misfortune that his son had a father like him.
Speaking of sons, although the divorce is well spoken, he can see his son at any time, as long as he contacts in advance, but really comes to the front, every time he calls, the ex-wife either does not answer, or uses a word "busy" to refuse, unless the son wants to apply for a tutoring class, what is missing, the ex-wife will take the initiative to contact him.
It is no exaggeration to say that in the two years of divorce, Zhang Zhe felt that his ex-wife was like an enemy to him.
He had thought that for the sake of his son, he would turn a blind eye and put his mind on trying to make money first, after all, he did not want his ex-wife to mistakenly think that he would still be entangled, who knows, when he set up his mentality and career began to flourish, his ex-wife actually found him and proposed a compound.
After thinking about it, Zhang Zhe still politely rejected his ex-wife, "I still don't delay you!" In the future, I will try to take as much time as possible to go to school to see my son, or pick him up and drop him off at school, as long as you can agree, of course, if you think it is too hard to take a son alone, then put it here with me, I am now partnering with the previous leader to start a business, and the time is more free. ”
Perhaps feeling that he could not hang on his face when he was rejected, his ex-wife said with dissatisfaction, "You just say you don't want to, there is no need to show your sense of superiority!" You don't say, I also know that you and others are starting a business, and you have to spend that effort to shout something! ”
Zhang Zhe smiled, and in order not to create a situation where the more he explained, the more chaotic, he simply shut up.
03
For his ex-wife's sudden proposal to reunite, Zhang Zhe feels that his ex-wife knows his current situation, mainly running for money, he understands the instability of his own entrepreneurship, does not want to give people hope, and one day it will disappoint people again.
"I have been married to her for more than six years, and I still know some of her person, she values money a little too much, and I am afraid that I will not be able to give her happiness!" Instead of this, it is better for two people to go their separate ways, saving them from blushing and neck thickness because of money. Anyway, she is still my son's mother, and I will have a good life in the future, no matter whether I remarry again, I will definitely support their mothers and children more, which I think is very good. ”
As the saying goes, don't listen to one side of the story.
I also had the privilege of chatting with Zhang Zhe's ex-wife, and when asked why she wanted to remarry, her answer was the same as zhang Zhe said, the son slowly understood things, and did not want his son to face some gossip at school at a young age.
I asked her again, if this is the case, why did she have to divorce in the first place? Was it an impulse, or was it because Zhang Zhe made some mistakes that she could not forgive? For example, there are acts such as gambling, infidelity, or domestic violence.
She was silent for a moment, just with a long sigh and didn't say anything more.
That concludes our conversation.
In fact, as a bystander, it is difficult to judge which is right and which is wrong, after all, everyone's pursuit is different, and it is even more difficult to understand marriage the same.
But I still want to say that whether it is marriage or divorce, or even remarriage, we must be cautious, not a momentary impulse, let alone just to look at the money.
Many times, feelings that only value interests will end because of interests.
To be honest, in the past two years, because of the repeated epidemics, many people have not had an easy time, but if they really have not reached the point of "intolerable", if the husband and wife can still work hard for the common child, then do not easily let go of each other's hands.
I don't deny that there are irresponsible men and women in life, but there are more couples who still have the love and courage to stick to it after all kinds of ups and downs and tribulations.
I remember reading a passage like this before:
"There are two kinds of people in the world who deserve admiration and cherishing: one is a woman who can accompany a man to live a hard life; and the other is a man who can guard a woman to live a rich life."
Hopefully, we'll both.
If we can't meet, I hope we can become such people.
If we become such people, still being disappointed, despised, and hurt, then it is not that we are stupid and stupid, it is the other half that is not worthy of us, and we are people who deserve better.