You say, how can I leave myself to this point
Kitty held up the phone case, and his fingertips pointed word for word: Peach Blossom Comes Quickly, Beauty in Pairs. The peach-colored phone case was stamped with words of supplication for love, and Kitty pinched it every day. Facing the camera, she held the mobile phone, her eyes slightly closed, and made a prayerful expression, "Heavenly Spirit Spirit Spirit, give me a good marriage." ”
Kitty has more than one such phone case. The other, she had specially invited from a certain master, and the back of the shell was covered with pink crystals for peach blossoms, and there were hundreds of them. The male friend who was eating with him smiled at the director Dong Xueying and teased: "If you find this person, you can follow the film for several years." Not from three or four years ago (boyfriend). ”
At the end of 2018, director Dong Xueying began to work with single women who actively seek marriage and love, and in that year, China's single adult population exceeded 200 million, and the adult population living alone reached 77 million. Dong Xueying herself has been single for 3 years, she has tried various ways to meet the opposite sex, such as going to marriage and love websites, big data judged her to be "30+ years old" and "no fixed job", and based on this, pushed a bunch of "strange" men. Men on social networking apps are even more so, just a few words, the appeal will shift to the lower body. When it comes to offline blind dates, the matching process is quite rapid and direct, a form lists the background and family background, and allows the other party to review the contract like a column to aim down.
This is how the hope of affection is dampened little by little. Similar things are also really reproduced in the documentary "Refining" Love" and it seems that women who are 30 years old and swinging up and down can never escape such an encounter on the way to seeking a partner.
Hongmei is 29 years old, which is the most frequent blind date of the five girls in the film. She believes that feelings and marriages need to be managed, need to be learned, and marriage counseling is needed before entering marriage. She bought books that taught people how to deal with intimate relationships and manage marriages. On the train back to her hometown in Shandong for the New Year, she also took out a book to read, and a man in the sleeper next door saw it and quipped to her: "This is not married for a long time..."
The second half of the sentence is not spoken, but replaced by a playful laugh. Hongmei recognized that there was a complicated meaning in this smile, turned to the man and asked, "You should be older than me, nine or eight?" Getting the answer of "92 years", she snorted and laughed, and her eyes drifted to the extra flesh of the man's abdomen, as if grasping the handle, "92 years, married and destroyed like this?" ”
The man did not feel offended, pointing to the bunk, the plump woman lying on it had a bulging abdomen, "We are first love, high school classmates, this is not fat, pregnant." The woman smiled calmly and expressed her agreement with her eyes.
"This is called marrying love." The man's face was filled with a happy smile. Hongmei no longer talked, and read the book in her hand without humility: "Love is eternal patience and gifts, love is not jealousy, not boastful, not shy, not crazy, love is unreserved, love never stops." ”
In men's eyes, Hongmei's behavior is like blindly reading travel guides, but not really starting a trip. He teased her in a tone of a winner who had run early to the end of the race: "I understand a bunch of truths, but I still can't live myself well." ”
Others are always more anxious than the people involved, and the most heartfelt is the parents. In the eyes of most elders, being single is not a life choice, but a defect. Xi'an girl Yue'er returned home after ending a sad relationship and saw her mother, who had always shown herself as a woman in the new era, and actually helped herself to ask for a marriage charm. Yue'er sighed bitterly, my mother, I have been forced into this.
The mother's tone was solemn, her brow frowned, "After the age of 30, many people do not consider it, do you know it?" This is a major event in life, and it does not matter whether other realizations are realized or not. ”
Kitty's parents were also advising. Father's words are long,and when Kitty asks others, he must make the same demands on himself. "Ask people to be pretty..." "I'm pretty too." "You ask people to be rich..." "I think I'm working hard." Kitty grinned and replied.
Friends think Kitty has a high vision, and every time he wants to introduce her, the preconditions are laid out, and there are not many friends around him. Kitty went straight to 35 at the age of 35, and the woman passed 35, and her fertility declined, which is a problem that men will consider.
Kitty has participated in several blind dates, men and women rotate at tables to introduce themselves, she looked at it, did not see it. She was expecting that the next round might meet a good one, and the result was not as good as another.
"I feel bad sitting there, like sitting on a needle felt, you know?" Kitty muttered to the camera, "You said how could I have left myself to this point." ”
Take turns dressing up for the feast, using the language of mutual loneliness
The documentary "Refining" Love shows a variety of blind dates. In the office building, the 8-minute speed dating activity held by the blind date company; the old man who said that the media pulled the fiber in the countryside carried a small book, riding a bicycle to visit the door; and in the park, the uncle and aunt walked around holding up the cards with photos and conditions written on them, which has become a famous scenic spot visited by Beijing tour guides.
In the blind date, people who are obsessed with fairy tale love acquaintances are easy to feel offended. Come and go, fill in the form first, your height, weight, annual salary and savings, family members, motorhome buy or not. This is the human manual. The host speaks, people exchange papers, please read in 8 minutes.
In the most common multi-person blind date activity, Hongmei, who has a wealth of blind date experience, is also confused. She pinched the form and slightly dissatisfied with the man sitting across the table: "The first part of this is a large part of the conditions, and this little bit is about my own." ”
Man Wan'er, speaking of this for just a few minutes, it is impossible to get to know someone.
In the era of efficiency, it seems inappropriate to be too emotional. The first time to meet the boy I met on the software, Yue'er made up exquisite makeup to the appointment, the two have similar interests, very chatty. The boy took Yue'er to the dance party, a dance was finished, the sweat on her body had not yet cooled down, and in the blink of an eye, she saw that the boy warmly invited another familiar girl to dance closely, and also praised the other party's good figure.
Yue'er didn't look over her shoulder and lit a cigarette. At the supper table, talking about the topic of social software, Yue'er felt that the girl who casually developed intimate relationships was very "cheap (cheap)", but the boy admitted frankly, there is nothing wrong with being fast, and quickly getting a girl, and slowly getting it, there is no difference.
On the road of feelings, the most important thing is such a relationship that cannot be solved. Yue'er shook her head slightly, no longer expressing any opinion.
Several kind girls in the film have had a not very good love experience, and the blind date process is also full of twists and turns. From the perspective of others, Kitty is picking up the cold branches and refusing to roost, but she thinks that her mate selection conditions are not high, is not she wanting a lifelong partner with an eye," do you have to lower the standard, and you can't wait for a perfect match. Kitty's mother also wondered, for so many years, I didn't see a boy thinking about Kitty, it seemed that they had to rush on two people, and they couldn't withdraw without a word, not quite the romance and love of their time.
In the era of focusing on individual freedom and the development of pluralistic love, special love is no longer the only yardstick to measure intimate relationships, and they believe in romantic love and flawless marriage, which seems outdated and old-fashioned. The contrast is brutal. Kitty's parents and grandparents both had a happy marriage relationship. Grandma and Grandpa met at the age of sixteen or seventeen, believing that they were the ones who wanted to join hands with each other, and until now, the two old men would snuggle up to feed each other and hold each other's hands when they talked.
With such a perfect marriage reference, how can you want to accept that the conditions are not satisfactory, and you may be a partner in the twilight. Every time she went back to her little house, Kitty would imagine a perfect partner stepping on the colorful clouds and saying to herself, "I've finally come to pick you up, you' my lifelong wife."
Talking about marriage "price"
In his hometown, Hongmei's conditions are at the top, he was admitted to the National People's Congress after college, and he stayed in Beijing to work after graduation, with a good income and a good appearance. The matchmaker came to the house to say kiss, Hongmei listened to the conditions, the home was the next village selling tofu, straight body and sat back.
Remember my brother first, Hongmei said. She must look for someone in Beijing, otherwise she will not be in vain after all these years of struggle in the north drift.
Hongmei's brother divorced a few years earlier and took his daughter alone. He believes that the concept of hongmei mate selection is too realistic, and the hard economic requirements for partners will bring pressure to the man.
Hongmei retorted that what she wanted was not the stars and moons in the sky, but she felt that boys had to work hard, and the bland family life also needed money to support. She just wants to be able to rely on more in the future.
"Am I not trying hard enough? Isn't your brother trying hard enough? Brother Hongmei was indignant. For the elderly, both people are losers who are helpless about marriage, and there is really nothing to argue about. Hongmei's father asked the director Dong Xueying, how much does it cost to say that it is now a pro-family, do you know? He took a hand and compared it to a word, "I want this number (ten thousand yuan)." ”
Talk about marriage "price". The era of exciting snail dwelling is gone, romantic love is gradually declining, and marriage must have real estate money to rely on to increase confidence. But with the difficulties and endeavors in the metropolis, everyone has no foundation, and a few can spare the strength to build on the arms of others, and dare to say that they will give a solid support for the future.
"Condition" is a high-frequency word in the mouths of courtship seekers. Love has conditions, and love has a price for being wrong.
In the last relationship, Yue'er lived in Beijing with her former, and her former mother came to see them once, saying that the rented house was too big, and the meaning of the words was that Yue'er put pressure on her boyfriend.
Mentioning this past, Yue'er laughed dismissively: "When he has money occasionally, he will spread two thousand yuan a month, and when he has no money, he will still be me." ”
This materialistic relationship lasted for two years, and finally ended because the ex picked up the girl in front of Yue'er. At the 30th birthday party, Yue'er drank the spirits and shouted out her heart: "Love is so precious, you can be desperate, don't ask about the garage, such sincere love, suddenly one day, a slap wakes you up and tells you that this is the least valuable." This was taught to me before I was 30 years old. ”
The only Li Tao in "Refining" Love who has ever had a marriage experience is a 38-year-old single mother, and a failed love affair has caused a devastating blow to her. At first, the man asked her for money, saying that he was fighting for the small family in the future, one by one, and there would never be a return. Later, it was found that the man's origin was doubtful, and his family and occupation were fake. At that time, the daughter was already in her belly for 5 months, and she was also carrying a considerable amount of debt owed by the father of the child.
Li Tao is a tough woman, raising her daughter alone and paying off debts, she did not rely on any man in order to reduce financial pressure, and changed from an actor to a faster live broadcast.
The income is unstable, and Li Tao has to move frequently with her daughter. When moving, the worker used a tough tone to drink orders to add money, she put down the softness of her hands, straightened her waist and arms to cope.
You can't go for a boyfriend just because you're weak and need help. Li Tao felt firmly. While filling the bag with plush props for live broadcasting, he told his girlfriend: "If you have a boyfriend now, facing such a thing as moving, cleaning up these little things, do you think men can help anything?" Not necessarily. ”
The only thing that can make Li Tao show softness is her daughter. She took her daughter to Shanghai Disneyland with her friend's family of three, and when she saw her friend's child accompanied by her father, she felt vaguely uncomfortable.
Li Tao plans to rent a tall and handsome little brother to play with her daughter on Children's Day. She believes that proper contact with some well-meaning adult men is good for the growth of her daughter. Later, Li Tao began to take her daughter on a blind date.
I am most afraid of traveling all over the world and finding that there is no such person
After paying off nearly 1 million debts, Li Tao opened up a second battlefield. She founded her own brand, hoping to run it in the long run and pass it on to her daughter in the future.
Hongmei plans to read 96 books in a year and regain his accounting and financial knowledge, so that he will not be too bad when he meets excellent people in the future. She is still actively involved in various blind dates, looking for a partner to match herself.
After all, emotions have uncertainty, and stopping at the station of life's path to find it may also be empty. Many women with certain financial ability choose to freeze their eggs and do not want to rush to get married before the right age to conceive. This market is more transparent than betting on men, and in their opinion, it is a worthwhile investment.
The film also records the whole process of professional woman Maggie going to the United States to freeze her eggs. The staff said that there is a certain risk of promoting discharge, which may produce ovarian hyperstimulation, and friends who come to do egg freezing together hear this sentence and have a fear of difficulty, saying that they will never do it a second time. Maggie suddenly looked up and asked, "Do you have a discount for the second time here?" ”
The audience was stunned, and her friends laughed at her: "Businesswoman! ”
Maggie is a girl who has been a big fan since childhood, and according to friends, she is like the heroine of Taiwanese movies. After graduating, he went to work at a Swiss bank, became an associate director, and later, gave up his million-dollar annual salary to join Uber China to start a business.
At the dinner table, a male friend asked her how many times she had had a relationship, "It's the kind of high fever, can't eat, lose weight, think no, I must marry him." 」 ”
Maggie pulled through the memories in his head and finally popped up with the word "Uber." She has always been not very concerned about the matter of feelings, and went sailing with her date, and the relationship did not have a postscript, but she fell in love with sailing, saying that sailing made her feel moved. A friend said that Maggie was "not like a normal woman." Women are immersed in an emotion, but she drains everything, and what she does is very rational.
That night, Maggie listened to Su Huilun's "The Shadow of Seven Years Old" and burst into tears. She loved the song for years, with lyrics: "I heard someone knocking on the door / It turned out to be my seven-year-old shadow / Why is your happiness so vague / She asked / Come on, I'll take you on a hike ..."
The law of the jungle in the workplace puts Maggie in a metal shell, tightly insulated from the leakage of emotions, and she can't even have too many expressions, because in the mall, the expressions will reveal their own cards. Looking back on her past emotional experiences, she reflected that she really used her brain too much.
Seven-Year-Old Shadow wakes up Maggie and accompanies her on her journey. During her trip to the United States to freeze her eggs, she attended a body,psychic course. The institution is located in Silicon Valley, the whole United States, Silicon Valley is the most detached place from reality, full of virtual economy, the Internet, something that has nothing to do with material reality. But in the past two years, body, mind and soul education is the most emerging industry in Silicon Valley, and the curriculum is not like teaching people knowledge in traditional education, but helping people to be taken away from the rules and regulations of social discipline, to return to themselves, to perceive the true nature.
Maggie remembers writing a novel about a girl in a white dress who takes her rabbit into battle. The enemy cut off one of the rabbit's ears, and where the ear was broken, sharp thorns began to grow. Gradually, the spines grew into scales and became more and more numerous, eventually enveloping the rabbit completely. Growing long, the rabbit became a dragon.
In his hotel room, Maggie loops "The Shadow of Seven," ironing his clothes while telling the story. She said that to believe in love is to believe in the existence of this rabbit. (Source: Tencent News)
The trailer of the documentary "Refining" Love, this film officially landed in domestic theaters on March 18.
Written by Liu Yan| Photography | Wang Ting Dong Xueying Editor | Miri Produced | Tencent News Gu Yu Studio
Producer | Yang Ruichun Editor-in-Chief| Zhao Hanmo Responsible Editor| Li Jia Operation | Zhang Xiao Hu Yuan
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