Many people say that the difference between the children they bring and the children brought by the elderly, ten years later, must be able to see the difference.
In "The World of Man", Yue Yue was put into her uncle's mother's house by Zhou Rong, the mother of the love brain, from the age of two, and was raised by Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan.
When Yue Yue was young, Zhou Rong could still accompany her daughter during the winter and summer vacations, but as her daughter grew older, Zhou Rong felt more and more afraid to go near her daughter.
Zhou Rong and her daughter are estranged and do not know how to communicate. The daughter who was raised by someone else had no feelings for her, only when her own mother was a roommate. Even, there is time is not as good as a roommate.
In the usual sense, children who are not around their parents and are raised by others are more sensitive and vulnerable in the construction of intimate relationships.
If in the foster family, the person raising the child does not care about the child, or even cold, then the child will naturally feel that the child is under the fence.
Bad memories of childhood need to be healed with a lifetime. Children around their parents have enough psychological nutrition and will feel more secure.
At the same time, only the children you bring yourself will you have the psychological capital to educate them, especially during the terrible adolescence, when the children will be willing to listen to you.
How the ideal is very full, the reality is very bone, many people are forced by the pressure of life, there is really no extra time, ability to accompany their children to grow, let us listen to the voices of the following two parents.
Husband Mr. Liu: My wife doesn't want to work after giving birth, how to persuade is useless, I am too stressed
I am in the cosmetics industry, I run a small studio, I am my own boss, open a company, but in fact there are only three employees.
At first, the environment was good, my economic conditions were OK, and my wife checked after pregnancy and learned that there was a bit of a problem with cervical function, and it was best to be able to stay in bed to protect the fetus.
So I asked my wife to quit her job and raise a baby at home. After the birth of the child, I found that there was a child who was not just adding a pair of chopsticks, but a four-legged gold-devouring beast.
Coupled with the recent impact of the environment, the cosmetics industry is getting more and more sluggish, I feel that I really can't afford the whole family alone.
So when my child was almost two years old, I offered to let my wife find a job.
My wife was originally doing administrative work, which in my eyes was a job, except for the nine-to-five clock-in, the rest of the time was completely able to take care of the family while working.
My wife and I said that as long as we stayed up for more than a year and the children went to kindergarten, we would only be responsible for the pick-up. And for more than a year, I can put my children in my parents' hometown.
Originally, I thought that my wife would agree to my arrangement, because usually she always complained to me that it was too hard to take the child alone, but to my surprise, my wife was reluctant to have children and refused to send the children to her hometown in the countryside.
I understand his feelings, but my work is really stressful. After a busy day at work, I can't even eat hot food when I go home, and from time to time my wife complains that I don't take care of my children when I go home.
I also thought that if the child was sent back to her hometown, the wife would normally find a nine-to-five job, first, our family's economy could be alleviated, and second, we could also find the gentle wife she had been.
But why can't my wife understand my feelings? I can't think about it from my point of view, but put the financial burden of taking care of the whole family on me, and I am really breathless.
Wife Ms. Zhao: After giving birth to a baby, she did not go to work and was abandoned, and the salary of the childcare sister-in-law was 4000, I was 2500, which was cost-effective
As a wife, I understand the financial pressures that men have to bear, but as a mother, my job is to protect my children and give him as full love as possible.
At the beginning of the production, the family was still a harmonious scene, when the husband said that he was afraid of my hard work and wanted to hire a child-rearing sister-in-law.
I went to the market and asked, the average price of the parenting sister-in-law is 4,000 yuan, I think I don't work, but also to build another childcare sister-in-law, not cost-effective, it is better to grit my teeth and insist on it.
In this way, I embarked on the arduous road of parenting alone. At first, the child slept for a long time and could not turn over, could not climb well, except that I did not sleep well at night, the rest was acceptable.
But as my children grew older and more lively, I felt like I was really overwhelmed. At this time, I asked if I could take my mother-in-law from my hometown and help me share it.
However, after the husband asked her mother-in-law, the mother-in-law said that she was not familiar with the place of life and was unwilling to leave her hometown. In fact, I also knew in my heart that she hated me for giving birth to a girl, and during my month, she hinted at the question of whether she could have a second child, and I refused.
As time went by, I became more and more comfortable with the care of my children, and since I was almost alone every day, my children's dependence on me increased day by day.
But judging from the fact that my husband was coming home later and later, and the stiff expression on his face, I knew that he was not satisfied with such a state of life.
Finally, he proposed to send the child to his mother-in-law in the rural hometown and let me go out to work, but I firmly opposed it. One is that I feel that my mother-in-law has no feelings for this child, and the other is that I feel that my child is now very dependent on me, and separating the mother from the child is not conducive to her growth.
In the face of my husband's persecution, I and Panto appeared in the situation, I was paid 3,000 yuan when I left my job, which is our approximate average salary here. And now dragging a child, and with more than two years of disconnection time away from the workplace, the estimated salary can be opened to 2500 yuan.
Please a childcare sister-in-law is 4,000 yuan, you hate me for not going to work and not earning money, only know to watch children. But the facts are in front of us, what is the right way to do it? Can you reduce your stress? Am I an idler who doesn't make a penny when I'm at home with my kids?
Many people say that women must find a job after giving birth, must go to work to do full-time, and the mother's palms are not good.
In fact, most women understand this truth, just because of the compulsion of life. Not everyone is an elite, everyone has the ability to make money in a good way, depending on their actual situation is the most realistic.
Many things, not only look at the present, especially for the sake of the future of the child. Otherwise, now that you have a good time, you will naturally have difficulties in finding you in the future.
It is naturally a good thing that there are elderly people in the family to help, so that both husband and wife can go out to work, and children can often educate and accompany them. But if there is really no one to help, it is difficult for a woman to cook without rice.
Of course, for those families with the help of the elderly, both parents must remember not to completely throw their children to the elderly, and they do not care. It is necessary to accompany as much as possible, otherwise even if the child is left around, it is useless, and it also provides a breathing space for the elderly.
And this companionship does not only refer to the mother, the father's role is missing, the child is also difficult to grow up healthily.
For the entangled little couple in the article, I have a suggestion for reference only. Two people stick to it for another four or five months, and the child can be sent to the care class at the age of 2 and a half.
But the premise is that the two people communicate well, if they work at the same time, the child is not only the mother to take care of, the father also needs to participate in the work of child-rearing.
Of course, the time allocation of companionship and care can be decided by the two people's consultation according to the intensity of the work or the actual situation.
Finally, I hope you can discuss a small topic: is the value of a full-time mother with a baby less than going out to work?
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The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!
[Wen | Wei Wei'an: the pen has temperature, for the voice of emotion, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together]