Author/Sunny Day
Some time ago, I met an aunt and listened to her own educational concepts, and suddenly realized this sentence: A mother's pattern can often determine the height of a child's life.
This aunt is more than 50 years old, she doesn't read many books herself, she has not graduated from primary school, but many ideas and three views are really very good.
She said that because she did not read much, there were many children at home at that time, and the conditions were not allowed, so she always hoped that her children could read more, and there was absolutely no harm. Her two children have both gone to phDs, one has graduated from work, one is still studying, and the future is bright.
For the sake of her two children, this aunt has made many compromises and concessions.
Her marriage is actually not so good, her husband is a giant baby, as the only son in the family, spoiled by her parents, but when she got married, it was basically the words of her parents, so many real characters, she did not know until after marriage. After going to the in-laws' house, the mother-in-law's strong husband was cowardly, she was often ostracized in that family, and her mood fell to the bottom, thinking of divorce.
After a quarrel with her mother-in-law, she angrily returned to her mother's house for three months, told her life after marriage, and said that she wanted to divorce and did not want to live like this for the rest of her life.
As a result, what changed her mind? It's kids. When she returned to her in-laws' house, she found that the two children had learned a lot of bad character, and the son was still talking dirty with the adults, and he was no longer active in learning. She realized at the time that if she divorced like this, her two children would be basically ruined, because she could not take the two children and educate them while working.
So, she made a decision, this marriage can not be separated.
Later, when her eldest son was in elementary school, she persuaded her husband to go to the city alone, her husband went out to work to earn money, and she took her children to school, hoping to give her children a better education and environment. She said that the child's growth environment is very important, she does not want two children to stay in the environment of the hometown, afraid that the impact will be great, because the children in the hometown, there are few like to read, the adults in the family will not care, but also argue that reading is useless, she does not want to argue about these, but silently walked out.
Over the years, it wasn't until both of her children went to college that she began to go out and find something to do and pass the time of boredom, in which she was involved in the growth of her children.
Moreover, her companionship did not give the child any sense of oppression, and the two children in her family got along well with her, treating her as a sister, no matter what she said in her heart, she would discuss it with the child and say her own views.
Especially when the child is small, she said, the child is not enough discernment when he is a child, many things need adults to give them directions and make judgments, do not think that the child does not understand anything, as a parent, we must respect them, listen to their hearts, even if the child does something wrong, but also carefully give them reasoning, can not think of themselves as parents, on the top, wrong just yell at them, so that will only bring pressure and rebellion to the child's psychology, when the rebellion is concentrated to a certain point, Your child's personality can change dramatically.
Parents also have to constantly reflect on themselves.
She respects any wishes of the child. She said her two children never made up lessons, but have always been excellent in their studies because she has established good learning habits for her children from an early age, not procrastinating, concentrating, and always teaching by example. For example, in the past, when she let her children go to study, she would never play on the side by herself, but would accompany the children to learn together, and would also supervise the children, so that the children could develop the habit of today's events and not procrastinate.
Speaking of this, she complained about a matter, a relative in her family, here to call the child to learn, there she began to play mahjong, but also at home, making a miasma, or playing with her own mobile phone, so the child is always disobedient, saying how the mother can play.
After this habit is established, it will continue, and the child's learning after junior high school basically does not require her to worry about it, but is particularly conscious.
Especially for her own son, her cultivation pays special attention, not because of the preference for sons over daughters, but because she believes that as a man, many qualities should not be missing, and she does not want her son to become a person like her husband, and she will also be such a husband in the future.
Therefore, regarding any contradictions between their husband and wife, she never said it in front of the child, worried that it would affect the child's view of mate selection, and never quarreled in front of the child, and everything was quietly said to her husband in the bedroom.
She said that at the beginning, she did not expect that the two children were so contentious in reading, her original intention was to hope that her two children could grow up sunny, positive, kind and down-to-earth, work hard, this life is ordinary and very good, with these abilities, even ordinary can live a good life.
As a boy, she should especially be responsible and empathetic, so she pays attention to this regarding her son.
From elementary school, everything about her son, including her son's room, she asked her son to clean up by himself, she didn't want her son to become a giant baby, after marriage, she gave all these things to the wife at home, she said that marriage should be two people to work hard and pay, whether at home or outside the home, even if you are successful outside, you should put your mind at home when you return home.
On this point, she thinks her son is doing a good job.
Her two children are now talking about objects, and the son's love object has reached the point of talking about marriage, others asked her what her requirements for her daughter-in-law, she said: No requirements, as long as my son likes, no matter what she looks like, I like, the child is older, I believe he has his own choices and judgments. The same is true of my daughter, who has always been very independent, and I am also very relieved that the person she chooses should let go. My two children are now better than me, and they have seen more of the world than I do, so I will not make any suggestions.
In her life, she did not earn too much family property for her children, because in the past few years, her husband worked alone, she could not have both, and if she went out to work, she could not take care of her two children. After her children were all in college, she went out to find something to do, two children to study, a family to live, and there was not much money left. As a mother, she has done her best.
But she is not worried about the future of her children, she believes that it is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish, and the two children will not have a bad life in the future.
As a mother, it is self-evident how important it is to grow up as a child. There is a saying that lucky people can use childhood to heal a lifetime, but unfortunate people may have to use a lifetime to heal their childhood, and those who can move forward with love and warmth from their original families are really high in this life.
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