Everyone in interpersonal relationships, we are very eager to get each other's love, we all long to get the recognition of others, we all long to get each other's understanding, we all want to be respected by others, if as parents we do not have to see and meet the child's inner psychology and emotions, we need to be loved, recognized, seen, affirmed, respected, accepted, etc. The ability of these needs, the child will be in a state of being ignored and not loved, at least our children will not feel acceptance, Can't feel love, can't feel the recognition of parents and mothers, and can't feel such a child, will feel very disappointed, disappointment will become complaining, complaining will become accusation, accusation will become anger, over time will form a lack of personality, the child will be disappointed, so hopeless. The child's growth is a process from scratch, the smaller the child, the more he can not do without the company of his parents, the younger the child, the more he needs the company of his parents and mothers, the more he needs the correct response of parents to a positive attitude, to see and meet all the psychological and emotional needs of children, to ensure the child's inner personality independence and mental health growth. Loving a child is not that you think you love him, or that you love the child, nor does it mean that you tell him that mom and dad love you, and he can feel the love, nor does it mean that after going back, he says to the child every day, baby, mom loves you. You love the child, the child does not feel the love, everything is nonsense, so in the relationship what you say is not important, what you do is not very important, the child feels what is more important, when you will not love the child, or when the child does not feel that you love him, then the child will be in a state of lack of love to not be loved, that is, a state of lack of love.
What will happen to a child who lacks love?
The first child who lacks love will continue to take in the relationship, we are eager to get more people's love, we will continue to lose the bottom line to please others, there will be more demands on others, will show very, very sensitive, all of these behaviors are because they do not feel love or get not enough love, and constantly ask for from the outside world. The second loveless child will develop low value and low self-esteem, and the result is to create a meaningless, even failed life.
The third will show excessive dependence or too much attachment to each other, many children will never be separated from their parents and parents, either overly dependent on their parents, or have feelings for their parents, and the final result is that we will never be able to separate from our parents, so it is difficult to survive independently, for example, there are many people who are easily injured in their feelings, and they have to die after breaking up, and they can't get out after divorce, forced to die, stalking and kneeling and licking, and so on. These manifestations do not care about each other, in fact, they care about being unloved by others again. So we have to improve our ability to love our children and love ourselves.
How to make children feel loved?
First of all, accompany the heart. Play with him, accompany him to nag, accompany him to laugh, accompany him to fool around, accompany him to walk, accompany him to travel, travel with him, etc., this is the performance of companionship, carefully to accompany the child to grow up, accompany the child to enjoy life, accompany the child to experience the bittersweet and bittersweet of life, it is a pleasure in itself, this is also an infinite responsibility as a parent, parents do not want people to accompany the child to tell the child a big truth, do not want people to accompany, the child to play by himself, do not want people to accompany the child, but only care about their own playing mobile phone. Accompanying the child with our hearts means that we have put the child in the most important position in our hearts, and it means that our subconscious mind is willing to establish a closer person with the child.
Second, care about your child's feelings. The child is a person with emotions and feelings, people are emotional, so when the child is unhappy and has emotions, we as parents do not scold the child, let alone criticize the child, do not give the child reason. When the child is angry, uncomfortable, depressed, unhappy, we must greet more, care more and express love, in other words, put the other party's emotions and feelings first, in other words, put the other party's people in the most important position first, people are not happy? Unhappy? Unpleasant or not easy? Isn't it stressful? Uncomfortable or uncomfortable, etc., we put these things first, we should first care about the person, not the result, empathy will be reasonable. What is empathy, happy mood, feeling very cool, emotional happiness, this is empathy. Caring about him and caring about him will make the other party very cool. What reason you are unhappy, let see you unhappy look, the mother is very distressed, at the same time, we also encourage the child to express their feelings in life, if the way and language of the parents make you uncomfortable, please tell us bravely, because your happiness is very important to us, you deserve to be treated correctly by others, when the child feels that he is valued and concerned in the relationship, he will find self-identification from the heart, get a sense of value and existence, a sense of belonging.
And secondly, love without prejudice. Don't use results as a standard of love, don't favor sons over daughters. Girls are also worthy of being loved by parents, parents face children with the idea of son preference, children will be hurt, neglected children will always live in the mode of pain and hatred and flattery, the reason why there are many girls at this time today become strong women or female men, not because of the failure of parental education, or because of the evil consequences caused by parental preference for sons, or because the appearance of brothers robbed them of their weight in the hearts of their parents, so he will fight with boys, trying to defeat boys, Or try to prove that they are not worse than men, so they become strong women or become women, which is actually the culprit of parents' education methods and educational ideas.
Finally, don't throw tantrums at your child casually. This one is very simple, but it is a little sad to say, we all say that we love our children, but many parents can't even do this most basic, maybe your standards are too much, too many constraints on the child, resulting in the child and you confrontation, so you put this resentment of the child, all vented on him, the reason why you lose your temper is because you feel that the child does not take you seriously, you feel that not listening to your words, is a violation of your personality authority, in fact, this is no sense of boundaries. Parents figure out one thing, your life failure, your career is not successful, your marriage is not happy, etc., this is what you need to face, the child has no obligation to bear, look at our emotions and things, see if you yourself have dealt with your own things and emotions, please be brave to tell our children what happened to their parents, and at the same time need him how to do to accurately express your needs to the child about him, instead of saying don't mess with me, I am annoyed, go to your mother, I am very annoyed, Find your dad and so on, for example, you two quarreled, you can tell the child very directly, dad and mom have quarreled these two days, our emotions are more excited, still adjusting, of course, this has nothing to do with you. This is the process of our adjustment, when you are at home, you can be quiet and take the initiative to do what you should do.