Lead
Although her biological parents are alive, she has lived in a relative's house since she was a child, and her parents have been absent from her childhood, making her personality very rebellious.
Many years later, Zhou Rong complained to her husband that the child was not close to her parents at all, but was angrily reprimanded by her husband, "The child is not willing to come back to live, not because of the house." A home is not attractive to children. Mothers play a decisive role! ”
0-3 years old is the golden period for children to establish parent-child relationships with their parents.
Before she was two years old, Feng Yue lived with her parents, but her father had to go to work very early and came back after dark. The mother is busy studying and working with the child, neglecting to accompany the child.
After the age of 2, Feng Yue was sent to her mother's house, and she grew up in her grandmother's parents, and her relationship with her parents became more and more strange.
One. Selfish parents cannot raise grateful children
Because her husband was unconscious and caused trouble, Zhou Rong's daughter, Feng Yue, who was only two years old, was forced to be separated from her parents and sent to her grandmother's house. Even if her mother was stimulated and unconscious, Zhou Rong was also admitted to Peking University, and she did not take her daughter to her side.
It was hard to wait until Zhou Rong graduated from Peking University graduate school, because her husband's career entered a bottleneck period, and the marriage relationship between the two was also tested.
She did not bring her daughter back as scheduled, or let her daughter continue to live in her brother's house and be taken care of by her sister-in-law.
Since the child was 2 years old, Zhou Rong and her husband were busy with their respective careers, so that their daughters lived in relatives' homes for a long time and did not fulfill their parental responsibilities.
Selfish parents cannot raise grateful children.
Although Feng Yue was raised by her uncle and aunt, she not only had no sense of gratitude, but was also particularly willful.
Considering that there are many children in the family and the housing is too crowded, Zhou Rong's brother had to spend all his savings and change to a three-bedroom second-hand house.
The same child, she lived in a room of her own, the elderly grandmother, and the cousin, the cousin, 3 people crowded in the same room.
Grandpa retired to her hometown, but she was afraid of losing her single room. She does not respect the elderly, nor does she care about the feelings of others, but only considers her own interests.
There are many brothers and sisters, it is difficult to get together, and they missed an important family portrait many years ago, so they especially cherish this opportunity.
Despite Zhou Rong's bitter persuasion, Feng Yue still insisted on watching TV before leaving, and she had a good word, "When is it time to take pictures, it is not okay!" Didn't Grandpa retire and not leave? ”
She even thought that her mother was deliberately looking for stubble, the two were not happy and dispersed, Feng Yue ran away from home, and the family's desire to take a family portrait was once again disappointed.
Zhou Rong regrets it, the child does not understand things, and the parents have responsibilities that cannot be shirked.
When Zhou Rong left her parents for love, even if she wanted to break off the family relationship, she would never be separated from the other party.
However, after marrying someone they loved, neither of them learned how to be a good parent.
The child is reluctant to go home, and the two blame each other, but they never recognize their mistakes.
No matter how good the younger brother is to his children, he cannot play a role as a substitute for his parents.
Since we have decided to let our children come to this world, we should raise our children well, rather than for various reasons, we will give our children to relatives and friends to raise, so that the distance between parents and children will only become farther and farther, even worse than strangers.
Two. Professor Li Meijin: In the first year of a child's birth, parents should raise it personally
Professor Li Meijin mentioned that from birth to before the age of 1, parents are best to raise their children by themselves, which is also the psychological capital for parents to educate their children in the future.
It is better to be pregnant in October than to raise a child for ten months. If after the birth of the child, the parents want to give the child to others to raise, it is easy to lose the psychological control of the child.
In "The World of Man", Feng Yue was sad because Zhou Nan was going to go abroad, and her academic performance dropped seriously.
Zhou Rong talked to her daughter, but her daughter was very angry with herself, and the conversation between the two escalated the contradiction again, and Zhou Rong had no choice but to make up her mind to take her daughter back and raise her as soon as possible.
Why did Zhou Rong fail in disciplining her daughter?
Because she has a nurturing grace for her daughter, she lacks sufficient nurturing grace.
Before the age of 2, she was busy with work and improving herself, and she did not care enough for her daughter, the child was not full of food, clothing and warmth, and the child also needed spiritual nourishment, that is, emotional needs.
From the age of 3 to the dozen years after the child grows up, it is the grandmother and uncle's family that accompanies Feng Yue's growth, not Zhou Rong's mother.
Children will feel that you have not raised me in all these years, why do you point fingers at my life? Parents and children must first have feelings, and children will be willing to listen to their parents' discipline and even endure their parents' nagging.
Three. No matter how busy parents are, don't miss the 4 formative periods of their children
In "The World of Man", Feng Yue once said a heartfelt sentence, "I am not close to you, you are just my biological parents."
In Feng Yue's growth process, not only is her mother's love absent, she also lacks father's love, because the absence of her parents' company since childhood has led to her sensitive and selfish personality.
Feng Yue couldn't wait for her mother to take her home, but her mother was separated from her father again.
Dad was absent from the child's childhood, and when the child grew up, it was difficult to get along with dad, and as a result, dad would only say "I'm sorry" to her, and then he left, and dad went abroad alone, leaving only her and mom alone.
Feng Yue not only longed for the love of her parents, but also like a hedgehog, she was wary, even if she hurt people, she had to protect her fragile self.
Zhou Rong's repeated confrontations with her daughter, most of which ended in failure, she was both angry and helpless.
If she and her husband had not been single-minded in their careers and absent from the growth of their children, but if they had been willing to spend time with their children, it would not have been a disappointing ending.
The relationship between Zhou Rong and her daughter is the same as that of water and fire, they do not give in to each other, they cannot convince each other, and it is difficult to communicate calmly.
Work is not an excuse for parents to shirk their responsibilities, and having children to be cared for does not mean that parents do not need to fulfill their responsibilities.
The more lazy parents are in taking care of and raising their children, the more time parents have to spend with their children to repair the parent-child relationship when their children grow up.
No matter how busy parents are at work, don't miss these 4 growth periods for their children:
(1) 0-3 years old is the best stage for cultivating parent-child feelings
Parents should not think that the child is still young and does not understand things, in fact, 0-3 years old is a good time to cultivate parent-child feelings.
Parents should try to find time to accompany their children, and what children need most is not money, but emotional communication.
(2) 3-6 years old is the most critical stage of children's personality formation
Parents' words and deeds affect the child's personality, and the child will learn from it, so parents should set a good example and correct the child's bad behavior.
(3) 6-12 years old is the stage when children cultivate children's learning habits
Children's self-control is poor, parents should help children cultivate good learning habits and stimulate children's internal driving force.
(4) 12-15 years old is the most critical 3 years for children to enter junior high school
This stage is related to the future of the child, parents should give the child more tolerance and encouragement, avoid parent-child conflict, and help the child smoothly pass the adolescent rebellion period.
epilogue
In "The World of Man", Zhou Rong and Feng Yue have a weak relationship between the two because of the lack of maternal love, fortunately, the two later tried to repair the parent-child relationship, so that they learned to reflect, and also grew up in this process, the two no longer tit-for-tat, but shook hands and made peace, mutual understanding and tolerance.
Parents should raise their children personally, but also have communication, have eyes and eyes, let the children know how much their parents love him, and parents should give their children high-quality companionship.
The child grows up in the love of his parents, so that he will not doubt the love of his parents for himself, and he has enough security to learn to give and be grateful.
The more parents are absent from the growth of their children, the harder their parents will be in their children's education in the future.
There are no shortcuts to the upbringing of children. If you want your child to learn to be grateful, parents should not miss these 4 growth periods of their children.